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Not step related...but what would you think?

jojo71's picture

Submitted by jojo71 on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 8:22am

I go on FH's facebook this morning to find a message a woman left on his wall that says, "Sorry, my battery died when we were talking." Then she tells him what city she lives in. I'm not a jealous type of person, but why is my FH talking to someone on the phone who he obviously doesn't know well enough to know where she lives?

Well, I have talked to a couple of guys on the phone recently too because I am helping to organize my 20 year high school reunion. But these are guys that I haven't seen or talked to since high school (that I could only find phone numbers for) to let them know about the reunion. If I bring this up to him, he's going to say Well, YOU talk to guys on the phone sometimes too.

Why is this bothering me so much? I'm not going to say anything to him about it. I'm just going to see if he either 1) deletes it, which means he feels like he has to hide something from me, or 2) says something to me about it first. I don't even think he's read it yet...she left it last night and he probably hasn't checked his facebook yet today.

Comments

momof8's picture

Submitted by momof8 on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 8:47am

that what i would do too. see how it plays out first. then if he doesn't say anything about it, ask simply, who was that? and see how he reacts. Also, I would go a step further and jot down the username, or anyinfo just for future reference in case you know he's lying, just because i would need to know the truth, it would bother me too much to wonder. but after it's resolved, i would just throw the info away because it wouldn't be needed anymore. I only investigate if i feel like i have to, and in this case, i think playing it out sounds like a good plan. (for now) Wink gl

jojo71's picture

Submitted by jojo71 on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 9:03am

I mean, this is supposed to be an open relationship where I can feel like I can talk to him about anything...so I guess I shouldn't keep this in. It almost feels like I'm hiding some ammunition or something. Yeah, I guess going with my original plan would be sort of dishonest...like I'm trying to trap him or something. However, I'm not going to call him specifically to ask him...I'll just wait until he calls me later and then casually ask him. But, as long as I'm being honest, I'm going to have to tell him how uneasy that makes me.

Sebbie's picture

Submitted by Sebbie on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 9:01am

I would rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not.

Just curious, as you have stated that you are not the jealous type. Does he know you access his facebook? Will it anger him that you did? I ask this because if he is unaware that you do go and check out his facebook, I would be very concerned about his communications with some other woman, who he obviously is just making connections with. Regardless of his knowing your accessing his facebook or not, I believe in being above the board. I would tell him that you saw this post and inquire as to why he is communicating with this woman. Most people do not communicate with the opposite sex( esp. people they have no formal knowledge of) unless looking for something else, even if it is just a boost to their self esteem. This can become a dangerous game in your future and if you do not feel you can confront( in a non hostile manner) your fh with this concern, then you will have no one to blame if the next move he makes is meeting this or another woman for what ever purpose. You are not married yet, discuss the boundaries and guidelines you are seeking with fh before you say " I do," as not setting any at all, is essentially telling him he has free rein to do as he likes with no regard to how it makes you feel. Also, if you are checking his facebook without his knowledge, look to yourself to find out why you are doing this..could there really be some jealousy involved? This is not healthy either. Dh has access to all the sites I visit as I do with him. We are very aware we can go behind each other, but because we have this open communication, we do not feel we have to.

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 9:03am

I do this all the time because of my trust issues but how come you were logged on Dh's facebook? (not trying to be a jerk...I log onto my dh's stuff all the time because of trust) so with that said...I would be pissed because I'd automatically think the worst. But honestly, jealousy aside, he could be perfectly innocent. I would just talk to him about rather than driving yourself crazy wondering and creating your own reasons for why he's talking to a strange woman. That's really the best way according to my therapist. Be direct but don't confront him like you already think he's guilty of something. just say as an example, "honey...this is really bothering me and I just wanted to ask you about it and i really just need an honest and direct answer...who is this woman?"

good luck

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

jojo71's picture

Submitted by jojo71 on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 9:05am

I didn't "LOG INTO" his Facebook account. I just went to his public page, which I do to see comments others may have made about comments or photos he or I have posted on his profile. I don't even know his password...I couldn't do that if I wanted to!

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 9:07am

ok..so definitely talk to him about it! You weren't being nosey and sneaky(guilty party over here!*waving*) so definitely talk talk talk! Wink

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

namaste123's picture

Submitted by namaste123 on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 9:33am

Not acceptable!

Sebbie's picture

Submitted by Sebbie on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 9:38am

I would rather be hated for who I am, then loved for who I am not.

be above the board, speak with him in a non confrontational way. Explain to fh your concerns. Communication is the key to any relationship, do not sit and stew about something that can hopefully be cleared up with a rational explanation. Good luck.

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 9:39am

It should definitely be taken in a direct form of just coming out and asking him.

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

jojo71's picture

Submitted by jojo71 on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 11:51am

If you CAN do that, are those posts STILL not showing up when you look at his wall? All I can suggest is asking him about it and not jumping to conclusions like I just did! lol

jojo71's picture

Submitted by jojo71 on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 11:50am

He was talking via chat in FB with this woman (which I don't have a problem with really...old friends catching up...no any harm in that) when her LAPTOP battery died and they didn't finish their conversation. In fact, he didn't realize that I even thought that she was referring to talking on a cell phone and couldn't understand at first why I was even questioning him about it. When I told him I thought it was her cell phone that died when he was talking to her on it, he laughed and jokingly goes, "No hunny...you know me better than that...you know that if I'm gonna get involved with someone like that, they're gonna have to be closer than Orlando [which is where she was from]." lol Brat.
Turns out it was an ex-girlfriend of HIS best friend when they were in high school who he hadn't talked to since then.
Jojo...now opening mouth and inserting foot...lol

Abigail's picture

Submitted by Abigail on Tue, 08/04/2009 - 12:08pm

Glad you asked him about it so you don't have to wonder anymore.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"