They just don't make them like my daddy anymore . . . .
This may be a little off topic but I need to get it off my chest. I'm so tired of having to hold DH's hand to do everything. I cannot believe I married a man who is just clueless in regards to a house and the up keep, simple plumbing issues, mowing the lawn and just lawn care in general. He can't do anything by himself. I'm used to men like my daddy. . . .He worried about the man stuff and my mom worried about the woman stuff. My dad always made sure the lawn was perfect, he tinkered and fixed on what he could and if he couldn't fix it he called in back up. I'm trying so hard to let DH be the head of this household but he doesn't know how to lead it. If I don't hound him or finally get frustrated he would just walk around like he didn't hear or see that something needed attention. Last week the kitchen faucet was acting a little funny . . .I mention it to DH he doesn't even bother getting up to look at it, his response . . .I'm not a plumber. So I fiddle with it until it's fixed. Another example . . .my bathroom sink is clogged. I mention it to DH and he's slient. I finally go to HomeDepot get a plumbing snake and fix it. DH is a hard worker at work (in an office) but outside of that I don't know if this is just lazy or clueless.
This all brings me to this morning. I refuse and I mean I refuse to cut grass. I have asthma and it's triggered by allergies. When DH and I first got together (I was a single mom) he was still allowing me to cut the grass and do all outside work (knowing the implications). I finally had enough and made an announcement that I was no longer going to do it and I was turning it over to him and my BS10 (who really likes to help). I'll work on the flowers . .you guys cut the grass. That was 3 years ago. DH will cut the grass but it's always hell to just get him started. This morning (first cut of Spring) he decides that the oil needs changing and the blades need sharpening on the lawn mower. Just cut the grass dude and do that crap later. The yard looks a mess. I'm trying to landscape in knee deep grass. He pulls out the manuals and has me read what type of oil, how much oil, etc. We do this . . before he leaves I say "hey take the manual with you in case you need it". What does DH do he calls me from HDepot to go over all this crap again. He can hear the frustration in my voice because not only am I cleaning the house, cooking Sunday dinner, I'm also trying to get out back and work before calling the pool lady in the next couple of weeks to open the pool. He's like ummmm how much oil do I need???? I'm like where's the manual, he's like I left it in the car. I guess it's ok for you to look like a dumb ass to your wife but not to the guys in HDepot.
Am I expecting too much . . .I need a man not another kid???? Thank GOD my dad lives nearby and my BS (now 13) hangs out with him. He's teaching BS all of this stuff. Sometimes BS looks at DH and just shakes his head. Oh and SD13 is the same way just freaking clueless! They don't even try, matter of fact they give up before trying. OK! I'm so sorry! I'm just so frustrated. They just don't make them like my daddy anymore!
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My DH can be a bit like this
My DH can be a bit like this and I know that whenever it happens I grit my teeth, I hate it! He is ok once he figures something out or has done it before. Actually he is more than ok at that point - he is excellent.
But when he 'starts' I do my best not to coddle it. I say where is the manual? What, it's in the car? Better get on out to the car then cause I'm busy. Get TOUGH on him, don't pander to it and don't allow him to procrastinate either because that is even worse.
No other advice for you except an icy cold beer waiting at the end of a task always helps motivate my DH!
Good advice guys!!! I do
Good advice guys!!! I do feel like more of the man than DH. Just because I can do it on my own doesn't mean I should have too! I'm tired of the single parent/person role. I need my partner. I'm tired of making all of the decisions. I'll gladly let him lead (taking my needs and opinions into consideration of course). I'm trying to treat him like I watched the older women in my family treat their husbands. I make sure the house is clean, dinner is on the table and his night time needs are met. I try to be his total partner in everything. I even had my aunts teach me how to can and make preserves. He has fresh homemade apple butter, and peach preserves on hot biscuits every Saturday and Sunday mornings. I don't think I'm asking for too much.
He may be getting it though cause he just came home from Hdepot . . .Didn't say a word, gave me a kiss and got to work. There's is nothing more sexier than a man who's good with his hands. He keeps this up and he'll get some tonight
LOL! Well let's hope he does
LOL! Well let's hope he does a good job today then!
My DH LOVES yard work and
My DH LOVES yard work and home repairs. If I even mention something like "I wonder what this would look like painted *colour*?" He has already added to his Honey-Do list.
One thing that may motivate him is to get him to attend some of those Saturday how-to demonstrations H/Depot and Lowes have. If he hangs out with other men their testosterone may ooze out and stick to him a bit.
Thanks oneoffour. I had not
Thanks oneoffour. I had not thought about the HD classes. I've taken plenty of those in my single parent days. I learned everything I know from my daddy and HDepot. I'll look up the next round of classes and suggest he take a look at them. I know that part of the problem is that DH's father died when he was 14. He grew up on an island (in the city) and when he came here he was used to apartment living. Maybe he just needs some direction.
It may not be a
It may not be a "testosterone" thing. My FDH works in CONSTRUCTION and doesn't fix things around the house. And I don't mean he is just a laborer... He is a contractor who owns his own business.
Who mows the grass? Me. Who fixes the sinks? Me.
Getting him to do anything around the house is a total nightmare. I think it's more about their attitudes towards the housework more than being a "man" LOL
Haha! Didn't think of this
Haha! Didn't think of this but I love it!
No, you are NOT expecting too
No, you are NOT expecting too much. He has major issues. He sounds ALOT like my DH. What the hell is wrong with these men? I think it really comes out to the shitty mothers they had growing up, although at some point, they should grow some and become responsible. Do some research about boys and mothers and Mother-Enmeshed Men...it fits my DH to a T!
i agree! dh's mommie did
i agree! dh's mommie did EVERYTHING for him before i came on the scene. before that his mommie and ex did it all (down to laying his clothes out each day i hear!). i've been trying to unteach this for the last 6 years now and it's gotten a little better, but its a constant fight. the above poster had it right on, too. we have to quit giving in and catering to these man/babies. the one thing i do miss about my ex was his handy man abilities. there was nothing that man couldn't fix. but, then again he felt everything was his, i was just a stay at home mom not entitled to anything. i think my current dh also carries resentment because i had my shit together when he met me and he didn't have a pot to piss in. i wish i could go back and pay attention to all the red flags i saw...it's my own fault. you would have thought i would have chosen wiser the second time around. but, all i was looking for was someone completely different from my ex. boy howdy did i find it.
I always thought all guys
I always thought all guys were like my dad. Too bad they aren't.
My dad is a very hard worker and owns his own business since I was young. He would work at his business for about 52 hours a week EVERY week with only one week off in the summer when we would take a family vacation. He rarely took a sick day.
THEN when he was at home, he would do projects and outside work. He re-wired and re-plumbed the entire house that was my childhood home by himself. He was messy but my mom did not work so had all day long to make sure the place was up to her standards.
And she bitched all the time that he didn't do enough. :O