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Forgetting my probs at home

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Submitted by jasperjax on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 6:15am

So,setting my crap aside for awhile...I too also have a stepmother and lastnight I think she pulled something really wrong. My older brother and I grew up as best friends. He was the best brother anyone could ever ask for. Three years ago he passed away. I have not gotten over this. I miss him every day of my life. He never got to meet my little girl and I could not help him when he needed me.Well, right now my oldest baby brother is going thru a seperation. His wife is moving away and taking thier daughter with her. I come from a long line of alcholics. I am one myself though I now have some control over it. I feel badly for what my brother is going thru but I am trying to stay out of it. I went to say goodbye to my sil and my niece lastnight. Well when I got home I found out my stepmother sent my bm a nice message on facebook in which she threw my deceased brother in her face by saying she should have learned something from my brothers death and should be there for her other son. How wrong is this and does anyone think I do not have the right to be mad and hurt? My bm has been thru hell and back since she left my bf over 20 years ago and all along my stepmother has been there to fuel the fire. But me and my siblings are grown and all on our own yet she still thinks she has to hate my bm. It hurts my bm that she can not help my brother now. She lives really far away and also sees right thru his drinking and knows that only he can help himself and fix his family. I feel the same way now. But it does not mean we do not love him. But just like I could not stop my older brother from putting so many drugs up his nose-I can not stop my baby brother from putting that bottle to his lips and ruining his marriage. But I have to draw the line at my stepmother intentionally hurting my bm so badly.

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Submitted by jasperjax on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 8:03am

I really don't feel comfortable talking to her at this point. She has pulled this crap so many times in the past. She went thru my brothers facebook page to send my bm the message. See, my younger brother is living with them right now. My sm has never gotten over the fact that my bm mom left us all those years ago. What she doesn't realize is that my bm left the only way she could(it was not a safe marriage)her intent was always to come back for us. But my father kept hiding us with different family members. Having a daughter myself I can now see the pain my bm went thru all those years. I hadn't seen her in 13 years before my daughter was born. I hadn't talked to her in nine years. Two weeks after my daughter was born she was lifeflighted over to Geisenger hosp and put on life support. I almost lost my miracle to RSV. My mother somehow found this out and got into her car and drove 700 miles to get to me.After all those years and all my hatred...it still blows my mind. My sm wouldn't even make a ywo drive to come see us. When my sm found out my mom came it was actually a two week long fight over it. Me and my bm have put the past where it belongs and she is a daily part of my life. She has told me alot of things that happened after she left and how everything went down. I could spend the rest of my life living with regret but what is the point. I have my wonderful mother back in my life where she belongs and to me that is what matters. I don't think my sm will ever except that fact. But lets face it-I am 34 years old with a family of my own and we have problems of our own. I am so very sick of having to deal with my 46 year old sm's jealouse reactions to my bm being a part of our lives. Just like I have to accept the fact that my skids bm will always be a part of thier lives. I would like to think that my reaction to thier bm has nothing to do with jealousy because I will never stand in the way of her being in thier lives. I simply have to find a way for this to not push me out. If I can do this why cant my sm? For God sakes we are all grown and out of her house! I just hate it when she acts like this and always feel like reminding her that if my bm had not left she would not be a part of our lives at all!!!!