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Escapists!!

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 7:58pm

Howdy!! This shit is getting hard. We're still separated and living in the same home - think "war of the roses - WITHOUT the drama".. lordy me..I think I'm weakening.. I'm starting to really, really miss him..do I need a head check????

I cooked on the weekend and invited hm and SS to help themselves..which they did and they thanked me.. then I cooked again yesterday and did the same thing. I also did a bit of shopping last weekend. Well, he came and offered to pay his share of the shopping and I was so damn flustered 'cos I wasn't expecting it..I just mumbled .."..um..no..it's ok.. don't worry about it.." so he then said he wasn't gonna have dinner and went out to get take away. I was a little upset..just a little..but..admit..I felt .. weird..??

I miss him. I miss talking to him and laughing with him. I'm going house hunting this weekend and if all goes good, will apply and get ready to move next weekend.

But..I wish I could afford to stay in a hotel or something..but I can't because my BS16 is here and focusing on Year 11 so I don't want to disrupt him..but oh man!! this..friggin..SUCKS!!!

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unwillingparticipant's picture

Submitted by unwillingparticipant on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 8:10pm

I'm in the same boat. I moved into our guest room the other night. All DH and I do is fight about ss13. I'm not going to rant here because it's a lot of history and crap. The only reason I'm here is because of DS5mos.

It does suck, DH and I only argue, we don't talk. I ignore him when I leave the house, I ignore him when I get home from work, its hell.

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 8:18pm

I'm in the guest room too! I dead set friggin' hate this!! what makes it harder is knowing he's just on the other side of the house.. and I swear at night I can actually FEEL him pulling me to go to him.. aaarrghh!!!!!!!!! (it's the same damn pulling I felt 3 years ago, BEFORE we even got together..I felt this strange "tugging"..at me.. it felt so weird I spoke to my Mom about it and told her "y'know what Mom..I'm not gonna be single any more..I can feel him coming to me..barrelling to me..!".. she didn't laugh..she took me seriously..and damn it, if it didn't exactly happen that way!! This is after me being single for 9 years!!

What the hell?? I was also told that he is my twin-soul and we'd be going through a shit load of damas before we'd be happy...wish I could find the person that told me that and bloody throw her off some cliff!! This is from an old, old lady who lives in our country - she "see's" things...and told my Mom that he's my twin soul and it took him many, many years to find me..and it would take many more for him to keep me..why the fuck do I listen to this shit?!

I'm also finding myself second guessing my choice. Did I do the right thing? Do I want to stay in this..should I just suck it up and go with it 'cos I love him? Will I still be able to live with myself??

Damned awful, this!

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 8:24pm

That's just it "Goaway"..we are compatible - hell we're so compatible it's ridiculous!! The thing that drives me crazy is that he's a disney dad and a mama's boy.. I have no input, no say in important decisions.

I'm wondering if I should have just tried disengaging from the whole thing and just be with him.. but I don't know if I could successfully stay out of all the dramas with BM and his Mom.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 8:42pm

Hugs. I understand. I feel the same.

Its hard, it hurts like hell, and I want to take him back with every fibre of my being, every god-damned day. Some days I have to literally stay away from my phone so I don't message him.

But I will be strong, I WILL NOT CAVE, if this is meant to be (we were the same as you guys, GREAT together when its not about skids/BM - so compatible its not funny) Ummmm - yes. if this is meant to be HE has to realise that and figure out how to make it happen. So I am keeping super busy and staying away from him.

I think its the same for you. YOU can't fix this honey. ONLY that stupid man of yours can. HE needs to wake up and get serious because disengaging will not fix the problems you (or I) had. (sorry)

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 8:49pm

Thank you Luchay - made me teary reading your post.. and yes...that's true..it's up to HIM to wake up and smell the roses..ahh shit..

On a completely different matter - I went and ordered myself a sex toy!! I haven't had one in my entire life and decided that well, I'm friggin' 50 years old..why the hell NOT!! I told a couple of work mates and they were hysterical!! I ordered it and got it sent to my work..then went into a super duper paranoid state until it got here..all discreetly delivered..

I got home..ran upstairs and threw it into my closet then bolted back downstairs to have a ciggy..it's like I have a dirty secret..it's helping keeping my mind off our situation..in way..

I still cannot believe I did that!! hahaa!! daaaaammnnn!! I also did it as a sign to myself that I have absolutely moved on..now if I could just stick to that thought..!

I plan on opening that toy when we move and settle into our new place..whoo boy! and the toy I got..was the same one they talked about in Sex & the City..run rabbit...run..!!

Danearl1's picture

Submitted by Danearl1 on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 8:55pm

I totally agree with Luchay. If you guys are twin souls and the old lady is right and you two are meant to be then you will be.

SO and I separated after about 2 years into our relationship and it took SO 6 mths to come to his senses and come looking for me again. I didn't jump straight away but slowly slowly it did work out and here we are still together going on nearly 10years.

BE STRONG - If it's meant to be it will be.

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 10:23pm

Thank you Danearl1 - your post is encouraging. I'm happy that things worked out for you in the end.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 9:54am

I agree. Separating..even moving out...sometimes is the catalyst that these guys need to change their ways.

I moved out almost 4 years ago. My DH seriously changed and practically moved heaven and earth to get me back. We are now going on 14 years of being married and things have never been better.

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 9:24pm

So very true sueu2!! It's funny you mentioned "50 shades of grey".. when I told my workmates that I was ordering that toy, one of them said.."well, whatever you do DON'T get 50 shades of grey..that book is shit!"..hahahaa!! Then, when I read your post - I had to laugh..is there something about sex toys that people automatically relate to "50 shades?"..hilarious!

I'm an avid reader too..so that might be the way to go...

I plan on keeping busy this weekend with house hunting. I also might invite my boys over to hve a BBQ with me on Saturday to try and just relax a bit..

You guys are damned awesome - I'm so very, very happy I found this site!

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 7:52am

IG i can ignore aaannnnyyyything with a good book! my poison is Grisham and Clancy. i also luuurve a good sci-fi or historical - Timeline by Crichton is a good one for both.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 9:11pm

So, read a good book (and for goodness sake not 50 Shades of Grey LOL).

You did say a GOOD book, that rules THAT piece of crap out automatically!! ex_OH bought me that (the whole freaking series) because everyone was raving about it... So I read it. ALL of them. Took forever (and I can turn over a good book in two days) MONTHS it took me. I just was NOT into it, what a pile of garbage.

Smile Sorry, as you were LOL

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 9:23pm

LOL! Don't worry Luchay - I ain't gonna get it.. Smile

I also..for the first time..had a quick look at some porn sites..lasted all of 10 mins before I closed it and deleted it from my history. Such a load of SHIT out there!!

What the hell do women do for visual stimulatin with all that crap out there?? Don't answer that!! I don't want to know...it's hilarious for me trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have a "secret" in my closet! I think what works for me would be an awesome erotica book!

Sueu2!!! I nearly died laughing when I saw your comment about being horny..! Maybe this is my problem!

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 9:35pm

Mine was hidden way back in the walk in wardrobe. SD found it on one of her forays into my stuff... I found the bag on the floor of the wardrobe, inside the bag, the box - minus its contents - which were also inside the bag (they had been inside the box) vibrator in bits, batteries out, other items all examined I am guessing. Oh well }:) Serves her right - some of those items were for 2 players.... so now she knows more than she wanted about her daddys sex life. }:)

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 7:44am

that is hilarious!!!!

we've got a few toys together, i keep them in my underwear drawer. i also had a fresh pack of batteries in there that one day mysteriously disappeared... the look on dh's face when i told him was priceless }:)

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 9:53pm

Ok. I've given up all hope of work now..I just cannot focus any more! This is way more entertaining!!

Dtzy! Do you use the batteries that keep on keeping on..?? I would've loved to have seen the look on your teens face!! Wonder if he even knew what it was?? LMAO!

Luchay! O.M.G. - I just can't even..fathom that..your SD went through YOUR personal stuff!?? that sneaky, sly thing..must have horrible emotional scars from that..oh the trauma! Wonder if she needs counselling now? Like, really, really intensive counselling.. now I can't stop giggling..!

I think if any of my Son's saw it..they'd never, ever say a word..ever! haha!

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Thu, 02/05/2015 - 11:10pm

Oh she was ALWAYS going through my personal stuff. ALWAYS. And the dd's as well, nothing was sacred. It's why dd22 moved out in fact.

IN ACTUAL FACT - it's the beginning of all the events leading up to the end of us.

OH was told over and over to not allow her in the house on her own, he would comply for a while, then he and ss would want to go kick the footy, ride their bikes etc, and SD is a sloth. The battle to get her out and participating (not ruining THEIR enjoyment) was too much for him and he would succumb to her and leave her here alone. We would come home to stuff missing or moved around. My study, my jewellery box, my personal stuff, the kids - all the freaking time.

Hence DD22 moving out and the room reshuffle.

And my reaction to OH allowing the little snot to move dd12's stuff without talking to us first.

But yes, the girl needs counselling for a lot of reasons LOL
Daddy dearest of course, just pretended it never happened - I must've been mistaken about how/where I left it!!!! Yeah, how about no.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 7:49am

i think you should take sally and sweetpea's course of action. if he really truly embodies the other half of your soul, it'll work. sally's seen tremendous improvements. however, it can also reveal dh's true colors, and not in a good way, like w/ sweetpea - the verdict is in for her and she is d.o.n.e.

u still love him and are still great together - but time and distance will show if that's truly enough or not.

(((hugs)))

and for gawds sake GO enjoy your toy!!!!

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 2:52pm

Oh hell no.

Stop eating there. NO MORE COOKING FOR THEM!!!

Why can't one of you get out now?

He knows exactly what he's doing being all nice as pie now. Reeling you back in.

Avoid, avoid, avoid.