Okay, I have been reading through all of these posts about how us Stepmom have a much bigger battle than that of a Stepdad. Now this is just my wheels turning here but this is my thought on this....

How often do we hear of a Deadbeat MOM on the news, or in everyday conversation... NOT OFTEN, how often do we hear of a DEADbeat dad? ALL OF THE TIME. Now the GOOD Dads like my DH have been stripped of their rights for so many years and "given" weekend visitation time because that was "the norm" just to have the BM's give them the title of DEADBEAT DAD'S because they don't help raise their kids, yet it is because THEY FAUGHT FOR FULL CUSTODY AND WON, because that is "the norm". I think in many cases the DEADBEAT DAD was thrust upon them by the decision of the court to not only give the mom full custody and grant very little visitation to the father, but also slam them with LARGE child support payments that only makes it harder for them to survive and establish a home of their own in which a child would even WANT to go stay a weekend at with them. HOW FAIR IS THIS? Now I understand that there is the TRUE DEADBEAT that refuses to see the child, refuses to take part in raising the child, and this is a completely different story, but as for myself, I know several woman that label the fathers of their children as deadbeats, but I can only imagine how these men feel when they are not "allowed" to see their kids yet they pay out the ass for them. So because DAD has to work the weekend to make sure the child support is PAID and they can't spend the time with the child... now they are a deadbeat? I blame vindictive MEAN BM's for much of this. SO.... along comes "Prince Charming" into BM's life, AHHHH poor SS, his Dad is a DEAD BEAT, well don't worry, I will take care of your child. BM then forces her new man into the childs life and while the love and respect may be genuine, on both ends, I think in a lot of cases, BM has squeezed the "deadbeat" dad of every once of energy, fighting to see their child, trying to make ends meet with making child support payments... women can be so cruel....

SO, then the flipside is the WICKED stepmother... we are with the "deadbeat dad" RIGHT THERE, WE LOSE... how on earth is a child supposed to LOVE US???? It is an uphill battle from DAY ONE. So while we are just as loving an nuturing, and all of that just like the ol' STEPDAD, STEPMOM gets no respect. We are left hung out to dry. So who do we have to thank for all of these stereo types that we are left to deal with???? WOMEN! Gosh dang women can be MEAN and HATEFUL and will do whatever it takes to seek revenge and justice (although normally not due justice, only in their mind). So YES I do believe it true that the Stepdad's of the world have it WAY easy... in most cases.

Let me share a little something though. My girls DO NOT have a DEADBEAT DAD. He is a GREAT DAD. He DOES NOT pay child support, but because I didn't ask for it. He makes MUCH more money than I do, but I don't want his money. He has them 50% of the time and loves every minute of it. He has never ever ever missed his time with them, has taken FULL responsibility for them along WITH me. And my DH, struggles as a StepDad. He is not one of the "Knights in Shining Armour" that SAVED MY KIDS FROM THEIR DEADBEAT DAD. My oldest loves him, she is pretty smart for her age and understands the whole stepparent thing. But my youngest, she 90% of the time can't stand DH. She wants her dad. She feels loyalty to him and we have a hard time even getting her to get in the car with DH sometimes. She has a dad in her mind and does not understand what this other man is doing there. I don't think that my ex has filled her head with ANYTHING bad, I just think she is a daddy's girl. I guess my point here is, if us BIOMOM's could just sit back and let the kids LOVE who they want to love, and let the ex move on, and establish a new family that INCLUDES their own children without bad mouthing each other, without the competitive crap, or the "GIVE ME MY CHILD SUPPORT" then our kids would make their OWN choices on how they act, with the influence of really good parenting, and they would be just fine. My kids have the freedom to talk about their Dad with us and us with their Dad... kids should not have to deal with ADULT issues and it is mostly the BIOMOM's that do it to them. With the exception of Janice of course It is these controlling women that label everyone, it is hard to get rid of those labels once they are in place... must be stuck on with superglue.

I guess I am just rambling, but really men have this problem too, it is the BIODADS that get the raw end of the deal just like us Stepmom's do.