I let DH plan meals when SD12 is over because she is so dang picky! I mean, she will not try new things and refuses to eat anything that isn't meat that she likes or pasta/ carbs. I just don't deal with picky. It was never an option for me growing up and I won't deal with it.

SD refused to drink her $7 smoothie from the Cheesecake Factory because it had too much strawberry. She ordered a STRAWBERRY banana smoothie for crying out loud! Thank goodness our friend's kid was there to finish it.

I am trying my darndest to disengage and let DH parent his kid. Or not. I am trying not to care but I like being in the loop and I do care about the kid. However, she can be problematic and I can't deal with it the way I have been.

This has nothing to do with step life and everything to do with having a crappy husband.

My XH was similar to what you described. He hated going to school and working at the same time, to the point that he would ask if it was financially feasible for him to take unpaid days off. Heck, sometimes he didn't even ask - he just wouldn't get out of bed to go. Once he finished school and got a job in his field, he griped that he wasn't making enough money. He was a brand-new grad, working for a large pharma company in research, making $35,000 a year plus benefits, and was getting published in the research. It was a HUGE opportunity, but after less than six months, he was griping all. The. Time.

Our sex life was crap, too. Nothing I did was ever good enough. As soon as he would walk into the front door, he'd complain that some chore hadnt been done. No hello or how was your day. Just immediate jumping my arse. I always felt alone because he was always busy with something else - video games, friends, his car.

I compared myself to a doll on a shelf. When I was useful or convenient, my XH would pull me down and play with me. When he was done, he would put me back up and away. That, along with emotional abuse and violence from us both, led to the end of our marriage.

I don't know what you're holding on to, but I can tell you that it rarely gets better unless both parties want it to improve. You want it, but the question becomes of he wants to make it better. If he is content with how things are, there isn't much you can do. 

I’ve come to accept that daddy guilt never ends too. I will be honest. I think my DH’s gets worse and worse! My skid weekends are much like yours. They pooh pooh what I cook. He lets them choose what we do and eat for the weekend. It all aggravates me but the thing that really gets me is that I cannot correct them in any sense. When I do, he shoots me the shut the heck up look. He usually says something later. He doesn’t feel it is my place or that they need any correcting. Also when they are around I’m invisible. They act like they like me in front of him but when he’s out the room it’s a whole different story. This weekend I asked SD14 something 3 times. I was just making conversation. She ignored me every time so the rest of the night we sat in silence. Oh yeah daddy o was asleep so she knew she would get away with it. I don’t even bother saying anything to DH because he would NEVER believe me over the kids. 

You almost live close enough to spend a day with me.  We could have a great day drinking wine.

Go to meetup.com and find a group to join.  There's all kinds.  Scrapbooking, dining, bible study, theme park enthusiests, board gamers, etc.  

OP, I know the feeling. I am very isolated here too. I have no one except DH to complain to about stuff or even to talk to. My mother is a very nasty, vindictive and possible narcissistic person, my whole family is dysfunctional so I don't say much at all to them. DH's family live 2 hours away and I would be talking the foreign language which not many people have patience for as it takes me longer to explain some of the complicated stuff. No, im on my own with my thoughts mostly, apart from ST of course *smile*. My long term friend of 20 years plus is still in the UK and I rarely hear from her now, kind of drifted apart which I suppose is natural with me living overseas.

Thank god DH is not at all disney dad as I would not have been able to stay the course.

Girl, I feel so badly for your situation.  It seems like everything and everyone in the world lays their troubles at your feet but can't be bothered to help you.

I have said it before but it bears repeating.  Your husband very likely has a reason why he is broke and missing things all the time.  You have mentioned multiple instances of valuable items coming up missing.  Tales of no food in the house.  Carrying him on your financial back.

Now, you aren't even getting the "good" part of a bad relationship.  He has gotten so lazy that he doesn't even pretend to feed your needs.  I think he is using you.  I think he likely has some other girl friend or addiction that is sapping his finances and I am not 100% believing that he is THAT bad with his posessions.

I think you would be better off cutting your losses and getting somewhere where you are not the one everyone dumps their troubles upon.  I think you also would  benefit from some counseling to help you escape the codependent whirlpool that you are drowning in.

You seem to want to help everyone but no one is looking to help you.  I imagine that your situation is a barrier to you meeting and having other friends because, honestly, your situation is pretty depressing and it probably keeps people away.  I think if you can work on improving that, you may find you have more options.

I hate money talks.  It gets us no where...im very frugal, i buy off brand crap..i could live in a small house, or trailer, and be very happy.

Dh has to have THE BEST of everything, he complains he needs to cut back and save money, but does the opposite the next day!   Very frustrating.

I finally have a therapist im seeing this week- im so excited to talk to someone!!   I still want to start a step group but im not in a place right now to be in charge of it. I just want some stepmom friends!!  

So when you say DH got a new phone with a new company.. I'm guessing it's because he had a contract with a different company for the phone he lost.  So they'll be after him shortly, when he stops paying.. which I'm sure he will.  Did he even bother to look for the phone he lost???

And I'm sorry, but his salary and money woes are NOT adding up in my head.  You are saying he makes 52K a year, you live with your inlaws.. so no rent/mortgage AND he works a PT job as well?  There is NO reason this man shouldn't have some money unless his car payment is like $3,000.00 a month.. which I'm sure it's not.  So where exactly is his money going???  Is he literally squandering every penny he makes on SS on stupid shit?