How quickly can he earn what he owes by working both weekends and the days he has SS during the week? As NCP he could beg off to BM that he has an emergency cash situation that he needs to work off and won't be able to take SS on this this and this days for what? A month? Six weeks?

He has you to pay back, a checking account to build back and he has to replace his savings for any future crap he 'gets stupid over. You'll go on living just fine without seeing him for a short while. You can give him a kiss bye and tell remind him the quicker he gets his finances back in order the quicker you two will be able to spend time together again... then shove him right on out to work.

Your Dh is either playing you the fool or he is a fool and hasn't figured out how to handle and balance a checkbook. Sure, a checkbook account will say 'you have $600' er, until the $550 in checks clear the bank one wrote out three hours ago.

FWIW, forget the birthday party. Whether it was $250 or $370, whether it was for an event birthday or a dash for a spree. Bottomline is the idiot spent money without actually having the money to spend. It's not SS's fault. No kid is going to say 'Hey Dad, thanks for offering me this great party but are you sure you have the money you need in your bank account'. The kid didn't do this, your Dh did.

And really, no one needs hundreds of dollars of pocket money 'to live off of' a month if they don't actually have it and can afford to spend it. His home bills are being paid for by you, he needs some gas to get to work, other than that pack the man a peanut butter sandwich and tell him straight to work and straight home. If he's going to act the two year old, treat him like one.

Did he ever give you a full accounting where 5k went? I would want to see it since you had to cover him more than once.

Money burns a hole in some people's pockets....as long as the card doesn't say "declined", it's got money... cheques are the devil. Seems like many people don't understand they're not "live"... the money doesn't disappear out of your account the minute you hand it over.

Time for him to start living within his means. No more booze or cigs - those aren't necessary. Gas could be cut way down with fewer trips to all these extra places. Big cars are expensive to buy, so it might be good to sell and downsize. Any run to the store for over $100 isn't small, and should be discussed/agreed upon before it happens.

Your DH needs to go on a cash diet. He needs to physically see the money disappear. Does he have the option of getting a paper check that he can go with you to cash, then hand that money over to you? You can put the cash in envelopes for each payment, and give him an allowance after all that is done.

If it were me and he were my DH, the cash diet with his full participation would be the ONLY way I would stick around in this kind of financial disaster. He balks, I walk. That should be your slogan here. There is ZERO excuse for blowing through that kind of money.

Once DH has worked enough overtime to recoup the losses, check with local colleges, senior citizen centers (program are often open to everyone) or online resources for a short course in managing personal finances and enroll your DH. How on earth has the man made it thus far without having everything he owns repossessed since he can't keep track of his money/bills?

Good Lord. This is why I handle the finances and not DH. (Though I know in this case your finances are separate so there's nothing you can do)

My DH would do the same thing your DH did. Just reading this pisses me off for you.

I went back and read your other blog and here is where I started hating your DH. He goes back into his checking account and discovers he somehow withdrew $4000 from his savings since July and has spent it on random crap. WTF? How do you blow roughly $5,000.00 and not know what the hell you spent it on?? I'm guessing the $5,000 he had in savings was from a tax return or bonus or something, because I'm also guessing this man can't save a penny to save his life. Not trying to be a brat, but I have no clue how you women live with men like this?? UGH!

And how old is your SS?? And what kind of party was this that your DH spent almost $400.00???? I am guilty of overdoing it for BS7 for his birthday because it's really close to Christmas, just like mine, so I know how bad that can suck. We've done a movie theatre party, rent a hall party, Sweet Frog party and I don't think I've ever spent more than $250.00 and again, I go all out with decorations, cake, pizza, etc. Did BM have a party for SS too? I'm guessing that you guys are NCP since you say DH has to pay CS, so why did the kid need TWO parties???

I'd like to kick your DH in his jerky junk for turning this around to make HIS problem with money into you being the evil, horrible, worthless SM and wife. Oh and make sure you throw out the "D" word DH, cause that always makes SM do what you want. (eye roll)

Girl I feel your pain. I was you 3 years ago. I posted on your other blog how things work in my house. It really has solved a litany of problems.

This is after I bailed SO out of 12 suspensions on his license that he just ignored for 10 years and helped him fix his credit. So he owed me over $8k.

L. Dad has the right idea-if he complains let the man sink his own ship, by himself.

This guy is digging himself into a hole and expecting you to get him out, don't do it. Cut him loose and get a legal seperation until all of this is sorted out and he changes his habits. Stick with him and you'll find yourself in financial ruin.

Sounds like a bad time.
DH is kind of like this as well, sticks head in sand about finances, ignores it while situation gets worse then when he can't ignore it blames the "system" - when he could have prevented it in the first place.

Before we bought a house and got married, I told him that all HAD to end. That he was not going to destroy my credit with his ineptitude. I gave him one chance, and he was late depositing his share of the second mortgage payment to our joint account and I found out too late to cover it. I was LIVID. He made excuses and tried to talk around it. I did NOT accept any excuse. Then I know his step-dad sent him money for some of our wedding expenses and I don't know what happened to it (he doesn't know I know this and I let that go).

Because of this I watch finances like crazy. I always have managed my own accounts well (my dad was in banking and taught me how from age 10 on) and DH has put a black mark on my credit. I am fierce in protecting it and since then not one joint payment has been late, on anything. If he doesn't have the money I'll front it to him WITHIN REASON and it goes on his tab. I keep a sheet with a tabulation of what I've covered, what he's paid back (he pays me back a certain amount each month), and what the new balance is. I don't ever let him off the hook. He's an adult and has the ability to figure the stuff out.

He told me recently that his step-dad sent some $ to him for our upcoming trip (we'll be visiting family this month). I told DH that that $ will cover our hotel cost and that it will be used for that reason only. DH's face fell, I knew he wanted it to cover some of his personal purchases, but not having it since it was clearly for US to use - I had to ask him 3x for the funds, but he did give it because I wouldn't let him shirk me.

After all this - he's still much better than he used to be and our joint debt is being paid off a little faster than expected. I also give him good news like this so we can see what good money management does.

your DH does not work on workdays when he has SS? that needs to end, today. He cannot afford to not work.

You co own this house. Stop letting DH take charge of the bills. Take control. On his payday have him give you his portion of the bills and you pay them.

If he can't manage his personal finances, he doesn't get to manage your joint finances.