Emotionally exhausted

As most of you know, there is nothing rewarding about being a SM. It is week on and I volunteered to take SD to camp so DH didn't have to come back home to pick her up. I thought 50/50 would be better for us but, as it turns out, it sucks. DH says SD "needs" us but after 5 years of BM as a main influence, I don't really like SD. I can't love her because I know she'll never love me. I have tried, though, only to be reminded that I'm a second class citizen.

The girl has been wearing the same socks 5 days straight and attempted a 6th this morning. She was already told yesterday to change them but had them on this morning. She also had what looked like a paint stain on the back of her shorts and was told to change them with her socks. Her socks got changed but the stain was still on the shorts. I tell her to change and she tells me that she has 2 of the same pair of shorts. I say ok but the stain is still there. She looks, sees it, then finally changes. This girl has no concept of hygiene and literally lies to get out of being told what to do. Preteen or not, lying is not acceptable.

Oh, and DH isn't on my side. I should "handle" things when he isn't there. Also, yesterday, I bought her a new book set in the Percy Jackson series since she's almost done with her first set, bought her lunch at the mall, we planned her bday location for next month, and saw a dollar movie. She was thankful and we had fun but this morning she is back to the same bland, ungrateful kid. I know I'm not the happiest because of morning sickness and hormones, but I can't stand her two faced ways. I try to always be helpful and nice to her but it's hard when she is just like her mother- nice when something suits her and a rude brat when something doesn't. Oh, and BM was pulling up when I was leaving camp so her two-faced self asks me "how things are" and I just said "fine, hope you had a nice holiday". That really was the cherry on top to this already shitty morning.

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Welcome to the teen years

It won’t be any better with your bio. Except you can give consequences and make them stick.

I'd like to think my bio will

I'd like to think my bio will understand basic hygiene and respect and not be a brat about every damn thing unless it's about him/ her. SD tried to ignore me when I told her to change her socks and when I asked if she heard me, she mumbles "yeeees" in her best annoyed voice. I told her she can be the stinky kid but I'm really just trying to help her out.

I know you'd like to think

I know you'd like to think that. My son has a favourite t-shirt that he will wear every single day even when it's filthy. It has to be snuck into the wash. He has asked me to drop it off at his dad's house when he's left it here (I don't unless I'm going that way anyway.) I'm hoping it's a phase.

He's 11 and still hates bathing. Fortunately he doesn't stink yet, but he will soon. And then I'll have to put foot down.

SD smelled like the worst BO

SD smelled like the worst BO on Tuesday and doesn't even bother to use the deodorant that I bought her. Her bra was obviously showing through her white shirt and she has no clue. She forgets to transfer clothes in between houses all the time even though she's been told to make sure she has everything but the truth is she's too lazy to check. She can't shower every other day without being reminded even though she knows that's the rule in our house. She always comes over with greasy hair because BM just doesn't give a shit as long as they can be "BFFs" again.

I think skids do not change.

I think skids do not change. They will always be loyal to the BM's and will be ungrateful. I just gave up. I let DH deal with skids crap from now on unless he is not there. Skid hadn't taken a bath for two weeks. DH finally told SS to take a bath and he ignored him. So guess what I let him deal with the stinky room when SS left. LOL

I took her to camp on Tuesday

I took her to camp on Tuesday since we let her sleep in and she smelled like major BO. I asked if she uses the deodorant I bought her and, of course, the answer was no. She was also wearing a white shirt with an obviously blue bra and she had to be told to put an undershirt on. She has no concept of hygiene or decency. I really am just trying to help her out.

How old is she?

13 in a month but she's

13 in a month but she's mentally 8 years old. She is book smart but has a big ego about it and is a smart alec.

I have one skid that is about

I have one skid that is about to turn 14 and the other one 12 and DH still have to tell them to take a bath and change their clothes.

I'm more upset about being

I'm more upset about being ignored then getting an annoyed response when I expect acknowledgment.

This sounds a lot like what

This sounds a lot like what my situation was a few years ago...SD is now 17. You'll see my updates typically titled about "Runaway..." She was always defiant, always lying, never had good hygiene habits. The only time SD chose to do anything with me was when I was buying her something. If not, she wouldn't do anything with me at all. I finally verbalized it in front of both SD and DH. DH in his typical fashion blew me off..just like a million other things in dealings with SD. He finally saw the light. But it was after many years. I detached myself. I had to for myself and for my 2 bios. You will too...you can only get kicked in the face so many times before you just quit caring and trying.

Oh, yes, I knew I recognized

Oh, yes, I knew I recognized your screen name. I really do care about SD and we were close until a year or two ago so I have a hard time letting go. It also pisses me off that BM and her can now be "besties" again due to her lack of parenting and they get to go shopping and gossip, go on expensive out of town trips for SD's bday, etc. All the while DH still pays her CS and is dismissive of SD's attitude unless he does decide to parent, then he just nags at her. I don't want to be upset for the baby's sake, but I just am. Why am I not good enough? Why is shitty BM so much better than me because she birthed an entitled, rude daughter? And why am I the bad guy?

I went thru the same feelings

I went thru the same feelings. In my situtation, BM is not around. Shes a drunk and a pill head. Has never done ANYTHING for this kid, has lost custody of all FOUR of her children, yet SD17 holds a torch for her. I once did everything for this kid, tried SO hard to create a relationship with her, wanted to help DH raise her..i really felt sorry for her. At one time. No longer.

I don't know if I feel sorry

I don't know if I feel sorry for SD, but I just know that she can be a good kid and she chooses to be a snot most of the time. Being a teenager is NOT an excuse in my eyes. Being ignored this morning really ticked me off and hurt my feelings. But why? It doesn't bother her and she is going on with her day as usual. I have finally contacted a few counselors and am waiting for a response. I really need somebody to talk to.

I think thats an excellent

I think thats an excellent idea. I wished I had seeked counseling. I was really beginning to think I was losing my mind. It didn't help that for a time I would not get much if any support from DH. He tended to make me feel like I was making a big deal out of things. That I was the one creating the drama. I knew I wasn't. I was raising 2 teenagers of my own. I didn't deal with this stuff with them. They didn't lie, they didn't wear dirty, nasty clothes over and over. They're no angels, but I certainly didn't deal with half the crap I did with SD.

I am made to feel like I am

I am made to feel like I am making a big deal out of nothing because DH can still love SD even when she is being a brat and I just need to "be more positive". I just need to be like my SM was and do nothing for my SD and let dad handle it all, but I don't know if I am to that point yet. I must be insane because I keep stepping in and expecting different results. Maybe my kid/ kids will be little shits but at least I can still love and like them at the end of the day. I am so emotionally drained and it really grinds my gears that BM thinks I want to be nice to her. Maybe her dumb, bipolar ass is a better person than I am but I don't really care.

I was there also

I too tried to be the father I thought my SDs needed when they were younger, special days out, bed time routines, etc etc. Their BD has always been there but never wanted the responsibility of being a parent just the adulation and he still gets it to this day, they even are aware of this about him and fawn at his feet still, while I get nothing for all my efforts.

Disengage now from her before she hurts you further, I know it sounds heartless but only you care about this relationship with your heart and it will get broken into a million little pieces, trust me I know.

Thank you for taking the time

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I am so confused and hurt and it sounds so stupid to feel this way over being disrespected by an ungrateful, entitled kid. I know SD and BM aren't stressing about how they treat me so why am I so bothered?

I can see how this would be

I can see how this would be frustrating. My I ask were you like this at that age? I have to disagree with the poster who said it won't be any better with your bio. I believe it will. It is all how you parent a child. Everyone parents different. Your BM really has done you no favors. This is the real problem the child has two sets of rules. Hang in there and take care of yourself. You do not need this stress. By the way I think you will be a great Mother to your baby. Look at it this way you already have a whole lot of training for the teenage years.LOL Relax you have a lot to be thankful for right now. Your SD can't take that away from you.

I honestly don't remember

I honestly don't remember being like that to my parents but I'm sure I was but I also showered regularly and didn't wear the same socks or soiled pants for days on end. And maybe they didn't acknowledge it because they love me unconditionally like DH loves SD and the way he ignores her attitute. I want to be neutral with SD but my dislike for her becomes more apparent with every time she treats me this way, especially since all I do is DO things for her.

Thank you so much for your kind words. We get the first ultrasound on Monday so I'm really excited and grateful for that. We haven't told SD yet but she knows. She says she'll be excited so I really hope that's true.

I know for sure that I was

I know for sure that I was never like that. OMG the same pair of smelly socks for days. No way!!!!!!!!

And she smelled like the

And she smelled like the worst BO on Tuesday when she got into my car and, of course, isn't using the deodorant I bought her. She also wears thin t-shirts that you can see her bra through and I, woman to woman, tell her that she needs to have the decency to wear an undershirt. No one wants to see her bra either!

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