Dad and stepmom tried to put me in the middle of their arguement
My stepsister is a very sweet young lady. She will be 22 and goes to college full-time and has a serving job to pay for gas and her extras but has no bills whatsoever. Her boyfriend just turned 25 and lost his job at an ice cream shop and is supposedly applying for unemployment but has not found another job and lives with his grandpa but occasionally stays at my dad and stepmom's house. However, his grandpa is moving or losing the house and now the boyfriend will be homeless if dad and stepmom don't take him in. His newest plan is to "go to school" and help out around the house, but has no job still. Again, he just turned 25.
I get a call from my dad last night on speaker phone with my SM right there. My dad asks me to tell SM that he doesn't support me as SM claims because he has consigned on 2 loans for me. The loans are my recent student loan and car payment. I make these payments on time every month which amounts to almost $700 but my dad doesn't "support" me in any way. DH always has, even when I only made $400/ month in school. I got the part-time job to pay my student loan sooner and help with groceries.
I told them that whom they let live with them is THEIR business but I wouldn't want to be living with my partner's parents at 25 being jobless with no means to support myself or save for independent living. My SM then proceeds to text me saying that stepsis and boyfriend are planning to move out (I don't know how- they both spend all of their money on pot and going out) and that because my dad travels so much, she gets lonely and doesn't like living in their 5 bedroom ranch home alone most of the week.
I told her that I understand that living independently is extremely expensive and it's THEIR decision to let the boyfriend live with them or not. SM is mad that my dad would expect him to have a job and be in school and put actual time restrictions on him living there. Again, he is 25, has always spent all of his money on pot and his photography hobbies (read: hobby- no actual motivation to get paid gigs). Neither he nor my stepsis have any real means to live independently.
Then somehow I got dragged into it to prove to SM that my dad doesn't "support" DH or myself and I told her how much I make a month (twice what I ever have) and that I know how expensive life is. DH and I have definitely struggled but are doing ok now that we're planning for the baby and I have a good job.
If you read this far- I just needed to vent. It was so awkward and my dad called back after he took SM home and apologized. My dad has always done well for himself and doesn't think the boyfriend should get a free pass at rent and getting his life together. But it's not my business! Then having to tell SM that DH and I fully support ourselves when she and I don't really get along anyway- one of our more awkward encounters. Also, I am 99% sure they were both drinking.
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Comments
Dude is a 25 year old looser.
Dude is a 25 year old looser. There is NO way I would be ok with him OR anyone else living in my home. Once ice-cream kid moves in, it will take a court order to kick his ass out.
I would have told them that too.
DH even joked this morning
DH even joked this morning that SM should let us move in too with the baby since she's so lonely in her huge home lol
Your parents shouldn't have
Your parents shouldn't have dragged you into this, I'll agree with that. But I do see your SM's point of view.
You're not really supporting yourself fully if you're nearing 30 and your dad still has to co-sign on loans for you. And he just dropped $5,500 on your wedding/baby shower. And your mom had to give you grocery money last year around Christmas because you couldn't afford your bills.
I wouldn't trash your SSis too much considering she is going to school full-time and working. I also wouldn't trash your SM who has watched your dad hand over money to you and your DH, who does have a job but is currently struggling and struggled before to take care of you and who has substance use issues that could have killed you, your child, and SD. Basically, while your DH is monetarily better than SSis's BF, that's about the only way he can win any points.
Be careful throwing stones when your own home is made of glass.
Throwing stones? I told them
Throwing stones? I told them that it's up to them who lives in their home and under what conditions. My dad cosigned for me for better rates with no issue- I would've still had them on my own. He paid for the shower that we would've paid for on our own as a gift to us. He insisted on it. And my dad makes more than 5 times as much as my SM does. He chose to cosign for me and pay for our shower because he can with no issue. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect the boyfriend to have a job and help out. But it isn't my business.
Also, we still got SD a Xmas present from my mom last year even though the money was immediately used for groceries so we technically replaced it.
You're throwing stones in
You're throwing stones in your blog, and shifted your tone from "my SSis is good" to calling her a pothead who can't support herself, especially since up until last year you were dependent on your DH for support.
You may be telling your parents to handle it, but your post drips with vitriol against your SSis and her BF when you have been in much the same position at the same age, and older.
How much SM makes is none of
How much SM makes is none of your business. It is also irrelevant.
Lt Dad
I totally TOTALLY agree with the points you made.
Maybe ilovedogs dad and sm can pay 1st months rent AND 1st months light bill on a rental icecream man and chickpoo can find?
Parents should never co-sign a loan for their adult kids...OR co-sign a rental lease either by the way.
Ice-cream man needs a job and the parents should not WANT him to put his shoes under their daughters bed..This cant be true...sorry.
I told them that whom they
I told them that whom they let live with them is THEIR business
I would have stopped right there. If you don't want to be part of the drama, don't participate.
However, if your father is still cosigning for your loans, he is in a position to HAVE to support you, should you default.
They definitely shoudn't have
They definitely shoudn't have tried to drag you into their argument. I think I would have refused to voice any opinon and just told them it was their business and solely their decision. Like others, I do consider your dad co-signing as a form of support. I hope that he discussed it with SM and that she was on the same page, unless they keep finances separate and there would be no negative impact to their finances if he had to pay the loans for any reason.
Being pulled in the middle...
Being pulled in the middle of a disagreement between parents is awful and isn't something any parent should do to their child, grown or young. Your dad and your stepmom were wrong for doing that.
With that said, you and your dad are wrong in thinking that you aren't reliant on your dad. Even if you could have gotten the loans without him cosigning, you would likely have had a far higher interest rate and therefore a far higher payment and your dad remains on the hook for those loans if something happens to your income or if you just decide to stop paying or whatever. That is a great example of a parent supporting a grown child. If your stepmom and your dad share finances I can understand why it bothers her that he is willing to financially support you but not her child. But I do think that's a conversation they never should have included you in.
But she's not even asking him
But she's not even asking him to support her daughter. She's asking him to be ok with her jobless boyfriend living there and "going to school" with no job lined up.
That's their financial decision. (or it's not.)
But don't act like you aren't getting assistance from your dad. You are.
You seem to like involving yourself in their drama though, from this comment. I do think it's problematic that you were pulled into it in the first place, but you aren't an independently standing adult either, so you are a bad example of your dad not financially supporting you.