The only thing I know… is that I don’t KNOW! Maybe you guys could help me clarify my thought process on the possibility of an Ours Baby.

When we first started dating, before I knew I would ever marry him, I told him I would probably want to have more children. And he agreed that he would too.

But then, the BM drama and the fighting her for 2 years and court and seeing DH back down to BM SO many times and I thought ‘No way would I have a child with him. I love him. He’s a great husband, but no. I can’t have a child with him.’

And I’ve maintained that. I got DH on board with being done. He will often point out every baby he sees in a restaurant, in a park, on the internet. And for years, I was a solid ‘No.’ and barely acknowledged these bouts of baby fever coming from my husband.

Recently, my best friend got pregnant from middle school. We always wanted to be pregnant together and I’m super happy for her but my youngest kids are 7. I’ve long since been done. I accept that we won’t be pregnant together. That’s a childhood dream we had but no big deal. I was a young mom who built my career around being a mother. And my kids are all in school now. Life is good. I have 50/50 with my exH which means DH and I often have every other week as a honey moon time where we relax, sleep in, and you know, the good stuff all the time.

But recently, perhaps even before my friend was pregnant, I’ve been having my own bouts of baby fever. And it’s just getting stronger probably because I’m 31 now and I know that if I want this – I need to pull the trigger fast. But I still don’t really know. The only thing I know is that I don’t know. And DH agrees. He wants a baby but the idea is overwhelming. WE are financially secure but we have careers and jobs which we’ve hard worked for. We have these awesome honeymoon weeks but we do love each other so much that it we want to have an Ours Baby but neither of us wants to pull the trigger and go for it, so we’re waiting until one of us knows for sure which may never come.

I’m praying about it. That’s the only thing that gives me peace knowing that it’s not really up to me but I’m looking for the right answer.

If you have an Ours baby – was it planned? Did it change your relationship? I wish I knew if this was something I really wanted or a passing phase? Help talk some sense into me. I’m 11 years away from MY children being adults.