I just wanted to share how Mother’s Day went for SD6. I wondered how it would go for her this year. I was in her life last year at this time, but it was much more new of a relationship, and I think Mother’s Day wasn’t on her radar. She was not in kindergarten at that time.

SD6’s mother died when she was four years old. She still talks on occasion about how she misses her mom, although there are times when she says it more than others (like when she is sick or very tired). Otherwise, she doesn’t bring it up that much. I’m always open to talking to her about it, and so is her dad.

As I predicted, Mother’s Day was rougher for her than most days. My plan was to take her to the play place for lunch and play, and then a movie. She was excited about this plan, and seemed fine about mother’s day the night before.

We were driving to the play place, and she started talking about how she felt especially sad today because her mom was gone and she didn’t get to spend mother’s day with her. I told her that that must be really difficult, and that it’s really hard when we lose someone so special to us. She talked about how when her mom was alive, they would have a very special day on mother’s day and do things just the two of them, and paint together (her mother was an artist), and do lots of special things. She said she was sad they couldn’t do that anymore. At the play place, we ate lunch, and she was still a little down. I told her if she preferred, we could go back home after the play place and she could do some artwork in memory of her mom. She said she wanted to go to the movies, and maybe do art later. After we ate, she played, and had a great time with the other kids. At one point she pointed at me and said “That’s my mom!” At another point, she asked the other kids “Did you know its Mother’s Day today? My mama and I are going to the movies after this!” This was not unusual, as she often refers to me as her mom when we are out and there are other kids. I think this may be a way to fit in and feel like the other kids.

We also had a nice time at the movies, and she seemed to feel happy after that. When she was downstairs eating a snack, I told my SO about the day, and what she said about missing her mom. He looked at me and said “Uh, they never did any of that together on Mother’s Day”. It didn’t surprise me that they didn’t, as her mother was not a super hands on mother, but I did wonder why SD6 said those things. Does she really believe that that happened, or does she just wish it did? I don’t know. My SO also told me that they were at the park the other day and another child asked her about her mother. She said ‘my mom’s not here, but her name is Hollyissad and…’ I also think this is probably a way to fit in. When I first met her (and my SO tells me especially when her mother first died) she used to tell strangers that would say hello to her “My mom died.” I think maybe she is just getting older, and thinks it’s more socially acceptable to have a mom that is living?

Overall, it was an okay day, and I’m glad it’s over. I got my own mom some seasons of a show she likes on DVD, and an hour massage appointment. Nobody wished me a happy mother’s day, although I didn’t expect it. I’m not a mom, and I don’t think it would be all that important to me if I were. Kids are kids, and we just do the best we can with them. I never knew how difficult of a situation I was getting into, but I know I probably have it a lot easier than other people.