Ss14 is alive!!!! Just in time for the holidays!!!
Dh tells me that ss14 called after school today. He's not called my dh since August. ( I will add that dh tried or sometime to contact ss but calls were never returned) Hasn't seen him since early September when they ran into each other in public.
I was off a bit. I really expected the call to come next week. In prep for the Xmas holiday. So when dh says something about ss calling I made some sort of comment such as "tis the season". Dh and I have been especially tight lately so I spoke unfiltered. His response was, " I guess you don't want me to have anything to do with him". My response, "well, that's up to you-I just think he treats you like shit and you just put up with it"
Sigh. He said something about me not putting him down since he was sharing his feelings. ? I'm not surevwhatbhe meant. I asked him if he asked ss why he hadn't spoken to dh for months and dh said he didn't have any reason.
Wtf? Am I crazy? Why does dh put up with this from anyone? He finally got tired of the pisspoor treatment from the Inlaws- but he'll it took him 39 years and his sister committing 14 felonies against him. Will it take dh that long o get tired of it from ss? I get that that's his kid and all and I'm sure he wishes things would be different- but does he really want to accept this sort of treatment from ss just so he can say that he has some sort of relationship with him? Ss is not a little boy- he has his own phone, computer access- he could call and talk to dh anytime, but he just chose not to. Now that he has called and decided to speak to dh- dh is ready to act like everything is fine. Ugh
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Our situation is very
Our situation is very similar. Only I have a SD17 and we haven't talked to her since June, sans the one run-in at the mall in September. I know DH or I will get a call or email soon. SD is far too materialistic to allow a "gift receiving holiday" go by without trying to get what she can out of us. Little does she know that we are now both on to her game, and she isn't getting a damn thing. The only interaction we will have at this point is setting an appointment with a therapist to begin some real "work", but there will be NOTHING handed over anymore.
I think it was Stepaside that said "If you cut a parent out of your life, expect the bank to close that day". Couldn't agree more. No more knocking ourselves out to please her at Christmas and birthdays, if we're not good enough to be her family during the rest of the year. It amazes me how transparent some of these kids are, and how little they care about looking greedy and selfish. Doesn't even phase them. I am so concerned about not showing enough gratitude that I err on the side of going overboard. And I put effort into finding ways to reciprocate the altruism of others, because I appreciate the people in my life.
My SD has always mistaken our kindness and generosity as weakness. It is learned behavior from BM, who is the world's ultimate user (of men, government benefits, my DH, me, her own family, her kids, alcohol, drugs, etc). But DH is FINALLY done chasing and placating. DONE. We are both open to working out a healthy connection with her, but our lives have been so much better without her drama that we can't keep inviting it in. Especially when it's just to take MORE from us, as if DH hasn't bled out enough over the years.
Your SS will keep doing this as long as your DH rewards it. If your DH is cool with having a faux relationship based on gifts and money, then I guess just be grateful you don't have to deal with SS during the rest of the year. If your DH isn't okay with this arrangement, maybe he can see his son for the holiday and NOT give in to showering the brat with gifts. Something small and meaningful maybe. It would be an easy way to gauge what SS's expectations are of his father as far as gifts. If he isn't appreciative and thankful, there's the answer.