I am starting to struggle with the fact that my ss14 is just NEVER nice to me. Now, he's not screamed or cursed at me or called me filthy names. However, he does not listen to me, he does argue with me about things, and generally he just completely ignores me. In the 6 weeks he has lived here the only conversations he has intiated with me are "Where's my dad" and "Can I have a banana". It's sad really. I have a more personal relationship with the cashier at the convenience store than I do with someone who lives in my own house. Now, if I start conversations with him he will generally answer-but typically brief one word answers-he never spontaneouly shares things with me or gives me any real information. He lies to me, he steals from me-although we've gone about a month without stealing (unless you count the Nutella).

I have no expectation that this will get better. He has treated me this way for 5 years. I just didnt have to deal with it everyday before.I have talked to him many times over the last 5years about having a better relationship, talking more, blah, blah blah. The most common response I get is that he is not interested in having a closer relationship with me. The last time I brought up was a few months ago and he did tell me that it was nothing personal he just didnt want his dad married to anyone. (We've been together since ss was 1).

I find myself feeling very resentful. Now dont get me wrong-my dh has really stepped up to the plate and does most of the ss's caretaking. But when I go do laundry, I dont bother to separate out ss's clothes-I just do them. When I cook supper several nights a week of course I cook for him. If I clean the kitchen, I am aware that he contributed to the mess. I made the kids easter baskets. I was not going to make up 3 and not a 4th for ss as that just seems like an offensive strike to me. I found some nice abercrombie clothes on sale so I picked him up some shirts when i got my other kids clothes. I pick him from detention, I pick him up from youth group, if we do an activity as a family, I am alwasy driver as my dh does not drive. And I get absolutely zip in return from him. Zip. He is NEVER nice to me. At times I will see him try and kiss up to dh so I know he knows the skills-but never to me. He never says hello, goodbye, hey it's hot out today-I get nothing. If I were carrying a big load of crap in the house-the other kids would jump up to help-he'd ignore me. If I suggest to him that something needs to be done around the house, he tells me, "no, I dont want to do that". If I tell him he has to do something-he typcially argues with me until I tell him if he doesnt do what I say then he's not eating supper that night.All of thes things I do for him I can only think of one time in which he even said "thanks". That was for the clothes. NOt the easter basket, not picking him up from detention, cooking supper for him-never is acknowledged. When he does something wrong or bad directed at me-he never apologizes. Eventually it all adds up and I get to the point where I cant stand to look at him.

WE are going on vaca next month and I really do not want to take him. Dh and I have discussed a little and basically he just asked me to hold off on making any sort of decision until it gets closer to the date. I feel like I am being mean, as he actually has made some improvements in his overall behaviors over the last few weeks, just he still treats me with such indifference. It's hard to live with that daily, but at least I go to work, I can go to my room when I get home or the basement-or I can go somwehre with my kids-on vaca we will be in a house 1/2 the size of this ours and of course it will be all family fun time! It's hard to have fun when one of the members of your party wont speak to you and lets you know they have no interest in having a relationship with you and wants you to disappear essentially. The bonus is I get to help pay for that person to have fun and help clean up after him and take care of him!