Yes, I guess he could do this. He would probably feel better himself if he knew that he tried to be a "support".

Wow-I dont even remember posting that, but yes according to my sitter he did. I didnt witness it, but she was VERY disturbed and she was not the type to get disturbed easily. She said she almost quit sitting for us that day and as it turns out she quit sitting altogether a few months later after having done it for 15 years. I always wondered how much of a role ss played in that decision!

I dont disagree with you about his future. I try not to be a negative person,nor a hateful one, but I really really feel that there is NO chance to turn this kid around. We have tried. I know bm has tried in her way. Even my wicked mil has tried in her own way I believe. That's why I am hesitant for dh or us to get too involved because I feel like we are just exposing ourselves and our other kids to more drama and trauma when the end result will still be the same.

I think the kid needs some sort of MASSIVE intervention. I dont even think that would help, but I think at this point we are certainly way past the point of dh meeting him for lunch, counseling appointments, etc-he needs something like juvenile detention or some sort of intensive program (which of course we cannot afford).

Yeah, I kinda wonder how this happened as well. You'd think the school and law enforcement would naturally inform the legal guardian of these type issues, I dont know if mil is stating that she is the legal guardian and they are not asking for proof or if they are just assuming. However, the school is small enough that I know they are aware that dh is ss's father and that we have other kids in the school. They certainly know of his existence and also can conveniently look at my dd's info to get our phone number. Mil changed all his paperwork at school and it had only her phone number and address listed.

And I am like you. I dont like to be blindsided. I want to know what is going on. As far as therapy, I doubt it will ever happen. I work for the local community mental health center. Our county probation refers kids into us for tx when they have an alcohol or drug related charge. My ss cannot be seen here because he is my relative. Our policies prevent any of our family members from being seen in our offices. And my mil does not think the kid needs any help. Using drugs is normal in their opinion.

Dh and mil's relationship started to go down hill when ss went to live with her the first time-summer of 2011. Because she immediately started this exclusion thing-at that time the plan was always for him to come back and live with us but we were just going to work on transitioning him in rather than doing it abruptly since bm threw him out. He was to visit every single week. Mil signed him up an out of school district without telling dh, would say she would bring him for visits and then no show, when he'd ask about it she'd say she didnt feel like bringng him over. However, they still managed to speak some and "get along"-but it was just strange how she treated him.

But things got REALLY bad several months after ss moved in the second time and it had nothing to do with ss. My sil stole dh's identity and opened a bunch of credit cards in his name, he filed a police report, they investigated and arrested her. Dh's whole family blames him and thinks he's a piece of shit for doing this to poor sil. That's when mil, fil completely stopped speaking to him and even acknowledging him.

I am thinking its a no go with dh telling the probation officer that fil is a pot farmer. He just wouldnt do that to them and frankly it would again leave us without a place for ss.