Ok-folks just want to see if I am being "fair".

As many know my ss13 moved in this week. On Saturday prior to him officially moving in I said something about the computer. I have a netbook that dh bought me, I didnt like it so he bought me a new one and since that time I've let the kids use the netbook. I mentioned this this weekend, knowing ss was coming, and said he would be able to get on the computer and his facebook account if he gave me the password (all 3 of my kids have given me their password and I check their accounts almost daily). SS really said nothing in response. Fine, I was just being conversational.

Wednesday-the day after he moved in-I again mentioned this. He just had his phone taken from his permanently for reasons I blogged about earlier and I mentioned that he could use the computer if again he gave up the password. (we actually knew the password by now-and had changed it-but this was unknown to him). He stated that he would just delte the account-he did not want us to have the password-that he did nto want ME to be speaking to his friends and he knew that i had done that with the other kids. (In the years I've been monitoring their accts I have used the chat function at times to find out info-someoen sees my kid on there and starts a convo and basically I make noncommittal replies and "listen" to what they have to say-I've done this maybe 3 or 4 times with all 3 of my kids in the last two years). So when he said this, I said fine-but it doesnt seem wise to give up all your access to the computer because you dont want to give up the password.

Thursday-dh allowed ss to get on the computer. I confronted dh on me telling him he couldnt-while dh was standing there and not disagreeing-and he said, "well he doesnt have access to his facebook acct since we changed his password" I told him then-"I still dont want him on there-I told him I wanted him to give us the password and he still hasnt. At that point,dh asks for it and ss turns it over. However by this time, ss was already hacking into another account and using that profile. He had already tried his own and found out he couldnt get into it (so I am guessing he realized that it was meaningless to give us the password at that time)-I told dh that ss was hacking into the other profile. Dh did nothing.

Friday-ss still has access to the netbook-using the alternate profile early this morning and then I am thinking dh changed the password to his profile again so he could get on there as I could no longer get on there and it said it had been changed this morning. SS was then using his own profile at that point.

Ok-I am perturbed. I am perturbed that he was allowed on the computer when I said he couldnt be. He knew the reason he couldnt be on it was because I did not allow kids unsupervised access to facebook. So he found a way to get unsupervised access to it, by hacking someone else. My dh continued to allow access even after he found out ss was doing what I asked him not to-and even though he offered up his password and then dh evidently changed it to a password THEY both knew-ss still has access to the hacked account and has not offered THAT password-so bottom line is the kid still had unsupervised access to facebook. So this morning after he left for school, I just went and got the netbook and hid it. SS has been looking for it since he got home

A side issue is that he is using it to talk to a girl. A girl that I've told dh is not appropriate (she self mutilates, talks about smoking weed on facebook, curses and makes a general ass of herself in cyberspace)-he has agreed that she has issues and even told ss that he did not think she was appropriate and they argued over it. However, when dh took ss's phone he said he was just going to break up with this girl, that there was no point-she just caued trouble for him and he didnt want to "date" someone that he'd never see (she was from his old school). Also, I made my dd14 break it off recenty with what is realy a decent young man, because essentially he was too immature for a rlatioship So yes, I dont think my ss should "date" this young lady. He is on facebook assuring her that he has no intention of breaking up with her-he loves her, and blah, blah blah.

I havent told dh I've put the netbook up-I wanted to make sure I explained to him very clearly my reasons for doing so. So tryig to get those straight in my head. Am I being harsh here?