The BM's influence and the fact that we don't and cant really change other people, even the kids. Human's personalities are pretty much set by the time they are 4 years old.
We can only influence them to make changes and better choices in their lives. It's simply a matter of the fact that you don't encourage or cater her negative traits and her mother does.

This happens with the step brat any time she is around DH's gene pool. Now mind you she has been under my influence for 9 years and has only seen those bottom feeders three times in nine years and for only a day or two at a time. She has never been around them with out supervision and she regresses when ever they are around. Because they encourage the negative behavior by catering to it. In fact, my husband regresses in his behavior when ever he is around his parents and siblings...

In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted

You just need to firmly stand your ground as before. Seems to me that she's more upset at seeing how eFFed up her mom is and lacks the skills to cope outside of reverting to familiar anti-social behavior.

In addition I'd try to KINDLY acknowledge that perhaps seeing her mom like that upset her but that there are better ways of dealing with her feeling than acting like a hellion.

When my SS goes to visit his BioDad and family we have about three weeks of de-tox time when he comes home. Regardless of his age we have had to deal with this until the past couple of years.

When he was a toddler he would leave 85% toilet trained, talking and acting like a 2yo little boy. He would come home in diapers, go no where near a toilet, pointing, grunting and crying instead of asking for what he wanted. It would take us a few weeks but we would get him back in to the swing of things in our home and he would go back to being the fun little boy that we knew and loved.

As he got older he would leave in clean clothes, groomed, trimmed hair and finger nails, in underwear and as a polite articulate little man. He would come home in pull ups that might or might not have been changed in two days, white pustules on his rump, butt rash so bad his anus would bleed, grunge behind his ears, quarter inch long finger nails, and stinky from not bathing in several days. Instead of communicating with us he would collapse on the floor and flop around screaming and yelling and throwing a tantrum thinking that is how he would get what he wanted. We would just stand there laughing at him while telling him that as entertaining and ridiculous as he was being he had better get himself under control or he would get his fanny lit up with a paddle and spend the rest of his life in his room.

At ~14-15 it was like a switch was thrown. He would leave his usual decently behaved and polite self and come back .......... just about the same. About the only degradation we would have is his complexion would be significantly broken out with pimples. When home he makes an effort to keep his face scrubbed and treated and his zits under control and his diet is much more skin healthy (according to my lovely bride). He usually comes back from visitation significantly resembling a pizza. More interesting is that he used to come back talking about how Bio-Dad and BioPaternalGrandMa let him play video games all day and pretty much do whatever he wants. The past couple of years it takes him a few days but he goes in to several days of being bothered by things that he witnessed while with THEM. Grandma screams and yells all of the time, Dad rarely comes around and when he does it is to pick up the kid to take him to a gaming tournament. This past summer BioDad and a few of his late 30's friends took my son to a gaming tournament. They walked across the street to Subway during the tournament lunch break. While in the Subway the teenage girl behind the counter was trying to get the "men" to place their orders but they were too enthralled with discussing the game play to pay attention to her. My SS stepped up to the counter and politely placed his order. Still waiting the counter girl finally jumped down the throats of the "men" with something along the lines of "aren't you guys like 40 years old. Don't you think you should get a life and quit playing those stupid fantasy games". This made a huge impression on my SS. His maturity level is improving nearly every day.

SUBWAY IS NOW MY FAVORITE RESTAURANT!

My long belabored point is this. Your SD will improve when she gets home. She will feel guilt because of the significant difference she sees in how her mother lives and how you, her father and she live and she will likely rebel a bit for while. But ..... she will figure it out and eventually come to the conclusion that yours is the better way to live.

Best regards,

Shut the F up? OMG. My DH would have a freakin cow. If he dind't manage to get through the phone to get ahold of her he would make sure when she got home she remembered why she should never tell her dad to shut the F up! I just can't wrap my brain around that.....

Phew.....

Anyway, as others have posted it's true. My son goes to visit his peice of crap dad once in a while and it takes a good two-three weeks for him to get back to normal. Even if it's only for two days a year he'll come home disrespectful. It's just becuase those kinds of parents don't really care about the child or thier well being.

used to do the exact same thing.....it was b/c BM just kissed her ass and we didn't, so she saw us as the enemy...... after she was home again, she changed back.