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Emotional support

HangingInThere2's picture

Submitted by HangingInThere2 on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 12:51pm

In a marriage for the most part I think each of you are suppose to be there for each other for emotional support.  But with Skids issues where you just come from two very different view points and you are now an outsider with his family and as a SM are not included any longer in get togethers and decisions etc. and every discussion over the issues with the Skids becomes heated and doesn’t resolve anything. I think it’s hard to emotionally support each other thru that! So I guess you just need to get emotional support for those type of issues elsewhere, friends, counseling, this site etc.? I know DH would like me to be more supportive of him and accepting of the situation with Skids but it’s hard to just pretend it’s all okay, but I’m trying. I am just struggling with how much to pretend and act like I am okay with it all and how to remain true to myself and figure out how to get my emotional support for these family/Skids issue separately from my marriage. I am struggling with how to try to accept the Skids issues as I am having a hard time supporting my husband and being “okay” with it all and thinking I just need to find the strength and emotional support elsewhere to cope with the Skids issues so I can try to be more okay with it all both for myself and for my husband. It feels tough to try to seperate this issue and keep it emotionally seperate from the rest of the marriage. I would welcome input on how you have coped or how I should try to cope emotionally and separately from the marriage so I don’t wreck the marriage but also take care of myself emotionally. Just feeling emotionally lost today and don’t know where to turn.

Comments

HangingInThere2's picture

Submitted by HangingInThere2 on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 1:13pm

Sorry.. I was just worked up and forgot to write this correctly in the moment. I apologize.

HangingInThere2's picture

Submitted by HangingInThere2 on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 2:18pm

Sorry, but I feel a need to respond further, I get that we should all be aware of proper punctuation and paragraphs etc. and I usually try very hard to do that. But sometimes life is messy, I and others are messy, and that can be okay too. At moments my and others thoughts kind of just kind of come out without proper formatting.

But that is life....sometimes... it just kind of expresses itself with out rules sometimes. This morning when I posted this I just need a place to express myself without a lot of rules, just need to be free to say what I felt and given that I lost the proper grammar and rules. I am sorry if I offended you or anyone with my inability to write better constructed sentences and paragraphs at the time. I just was struggling at the moment and expressed myself in one long venting post.

I will try to do better with my posts going forward. But also understand given some of the emotional heated issues discussed on this site all of us are not in the best place to always be “”proper”.

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 2:31pm

Lack of paragraphs is not offensive. It just makes the post be very difficult to read. So most people will just skip it. 

marianna's picture

Submitted by marianna on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 3:11pm

I think you need sometime alone, I struggle with the same thing I find it hard to separate my emotions and discomfort with my relationship, most of the time I try to stay alone and have no interactions till i feel good again or go for a walk.

my bf is supportive but sometimes he ends up fighting me because I can't control my emotions!! I can't adapt to his BM being so involved ,she crosses lines, my main struggle is with the BM not the SD.

try to discover what causes the pain , why are you hurt and how can you deal with it, one mistake I do very often is jumping into conclusions and not listening to my partner when am hurt.Maybe you need to disconnect from you partner when your angry and talk to somebody else or take some space till you calm down.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 09/08/2018 - 3:21pm

I think it's interesting that your husband thinks that you should just accept the situation with his kids being disrespectful asses but he does not expect his kids to accept the fact that he is married to you and you are a part of the family, at least, his family.

He, and his kids, are selfish and inconsiderate.

I don't have to cope with this bullshit because my husband knows that his daughter has no respect for him, so he does not bend over backwards for her, nor does he put up with her crap. I would like to see her try to exclude me from something. He would set her straight in a heartbeat.

Your post was not so long that the paragraph thing was an issue, at least, not for me. There is a poster who has far longer posts and never any paragraphs, that I skip over regularly, and nobody says anything to her about paragraphs (that I've seen, anyway).

New_to_this's picture

Submitted by New_to_this on Sun, 09/09/2018 - 7:04am

Why are you an outsider with his family? Why are you not invited to get-togethers? Do you have kids together?

Counseling helped me vent my frustrations early on in the relationship. This site helps now. DH and I also did couples counseling, but that didn't help much. I felt like long walks together without the skids helped with skid issues (we had them full time so we couldn't talk about them in the house).

But, I was family to his family early on. DH never talks about his problems to anyone, so no one knew our issues. We just pretend to extended family and friends that everything in our household is normal. And, I am invited to all get-togethers. If I didn't go, DH would be reluctant to go too. DH and I definitely have plenty of arguments and disagreements, but we attempt to be a team for the most part. It must be hard for you not to have that support from your husband.