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My last week of tranquility

hangingbyathread6's picture

This is the last week the kids will be with their other parents. Starting Sunday it is back to full time with all the kids, and schoolwork, and extra curriculars, and all the lovely things that go along with back to school Smile

y DH and I have been doing so good lately. Between handling skid behaviors (a couple of tense moments, but significantly better than what it was), and the MIL and BM situations our life has been pretty calm. At counseling last week we had a really good productive session. When asked about what topics may be off limits while on our "alone" times, or date nights, etc DH on his own said "inlaws and exes". The counselor asked is that an issue? One or both of you bringing up those topics while having alone time with each other. He answered "no" and I said, "It's not so much that one of us brings those topics up, it's more that those topics infiltrate on our time and they get attention when it's not necessary" The counselor asked "So this is a problem. Well DH, how does that make you feel when hanging's ex texts or calls on your alone time with your wife and she gives it attention?" DH says," well honestly, hanging's ex doesn't really bother us. And hanging doesn't really converse with him unless it is something that needs to be relayed right away. She will usually wait until exchange time or send him a text in the morning or at some point when we aren't actively doing something together. It's really more my ex and my mother that do this. And I can see why hanging feels that way. We discussed it and I guess I wasn't looking at the whole picture and I still don't know if I completely understand to be honest." WHOA...It's a step!! Counselor says, "Okay, well boundaries in your marriage and with outside people are something we will start on next week. YAY!!!

I will say that the BM texted DH over the weekend when we had the kids, and he didn't reply immediately. He waited until we were no longer in the middle of an activity. And OSS ended up needing stitches (whole other story!!! But completely due to DUMBASS behavior), and DH didn't even contact BM until Sunday before exchange to inform her how to care for the suture site (four stitches...nothing major...on his finger). So he IS listening. He IS trying. Maybe this whole counseling thing really IS working!!! I'm starting to feel like the future may be so much better than what it felt like it was going to be just two months ago. Of course we will see how things go when the skids are back full time after the bullshit they get fed from BM and MIL. DH hasn't heard from MIL in three weeks with is perfectly fine with me...but once school starts I'm sure she will start up again. But by then, we will have some boundary work under our belt and DH will have heard from an unbiased third party that his mother has no business intruding in our parenting, or behaving the way she does. I think we may be headed for some major breakthroughs. Skids, BM and MIL...the three things we argue about. I'm floating Smile

Comments

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

Applause applause !!!

Wonderful ~ sooooo happy for you both.

I knew he would see the light ~ your patience has paid off ~ instead of jammin it down his throat ~ he sees it for what it is !!!!

hangingbyathread6's picture

Thanks Easy! I have to say it feels so good. Like a weight has been lifted. It's still there, but not the huge elephant in the room...maybe just a baby elephant :). It's nice to see some progress and to hear DH say it!

I'm actually really looking forward to counseling this week. Although the subject of MIL and BM can really get my blood boiling, I am going to do everything in my power to remain calm, cool, and collected and just state the facts about what is causing the issues/tension.

In the last three weeks I have felt so deeply connected to my DH. Like it used to be. Our friendship and relationship feels stronger than ever. There's still some tense moments (hey it's a work in progress right?) but there is so much more smiles, laughs, and enjoyment of each other. Probably TMI but even our sex life has gotten started to get back on track. We have always had a very strong chemistry, but with all the stress and tension and damage caused it had seriously dulled my flame for him quite a bit. It's like we're honeymooners again LOL.

I'm still nervous about the school year, but I think with the strides we've made and those yet to come it may not be as terrible as I expect it to be. It could be a whole new school year experience.

Gosh, I'm so glad I found this site. It has certainly helped a lot too. With great insight, advice, and a place to vent.

Yup...floating... Smile

Easylikesundaymornin's picture

One day at a time hanging....

I bet he feels some sense of accomplishment that he actually figured this out n he can see what others are doing to him.

You are a good woman hanging ~ hold onto the love you found n know you guys are better for trying n not giving up. Marriage is a lot of work n when things go bad that's when you need to put your boots on n go forward through the shit.