ExH is a douche...and DH is on my shit list....along withNYSS
This is going to be long....I am so irritated on so many levels that this isn't going to be short and sweet! Sorry ahead of time!
So first of all, DH and I pay cell bills for himself, myself and four kids...it result in $225/month...My BX doesn't have one because he is 8 and i feel it is unnecessary. The rule in my home is YOU DO NOT DELETE MESSAGES. If you are texting something you don't want your father or I to see then you shouldn't be texting it. YSS got in trouble for this once...phone taken away for a week. Explained to him that next time it would be longer,,,the fact that we pay for it makes it our responsibility he is using it appropriately.
WEEEEEEELLLLLLL....Tuesday I try to see YSS's phone...can't find it...ask him about it...he sends me a message on the day I asked "why are you calling my phone?" Well...because i pay for it and therefore i can call it a hundred times a day if I want to! Messages that were sent to BM's phone at 4:08 and 4:16 the same MORNING suddenly disappear . YSS is NEVER< NEVER up at that time of night, but tells DH he "doesn't remember and he doesn't know why he deleted the messages" I say to him A- You know you are not allowed to delete messages and your phone is up for surprise review...the last time you did this what were you told?" I would lose my phone. "Okay so what did you delete? what was worth losing your phone" I DONT REMEMBER!!! DH took that.. I said oh hell no! Come to find out he was covering for BM using his phone while her bf was still out at 4:14 AM and still not answering her on her phone Why?? why skid would ou cover for her??YOU LIVE WITH US...WE PAY YOUR BILLS...WE ARE THE REASON YOU HAVE A CELL"
So I proceed to meet my mom at her beauty salon. She has had quite an allergic reaction to the ye foe herself and customers...'m not going to make her do that. We go to the restaurant/bar down the street. Order some wing for the two of us and her to take home to my dad and DH gives me all kinds of shit..
You know what...I'm the best mom YOUR two kids have ever had...and MY KIDS are just fine if I leave. So guess what....YOU ARE INSECURE AND ONLY SECURE WHEN YOU ARE THE OHLY PERSON IN SOME ONE/S LIFE I get it now...so sorry DH, but I am bigger than just us...bigger than what you want me to be...figure out how to deal with it ( he works night shift btw) or move on and upward, or backwards with the BM who has no friends SOOOOOOOOO DDDDDDDOOOOOOONNNNNEEEEE!!!!!
- hangingbyathread6's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
OMG!!! I REALIZED i was so
OMG!!! I REALIZED i was so irfritqted with DH that I didn't even post about exDickead.
SIGH.
I've had too much wine. I will only probably stammer along so instead I will go to bed and tell ya all about the shakedown with exH tomorrow
Between trying to post and Dh texting me I can not keep up!!
If I recall the OP correctly,
If I recall the OP correctly, she's the primary parent as DH works evenings... so she's 'monitoring' on behalf of DH.
And family rules like "we will take your phone away for deleting texts" are pretty cut-and-dried.
Personally, I think parents have all control and then gradually pass it over until kid has all control (when s/he is an adult). So if a kid gets first cell age 10, then control gradually passes over - including right to privacy and responsibility to pay bill - by age 18. I don't know how old the YSS is, but if he's old enough to have a job and pay for his own phone, but chooses to accept the generosity of one paid for by OP and DH, then he sacrifices right to privacy.
Well, then the NCP needs to
Well, then the NCP needs to be paying the bills - then the SM/DH has no claim to look at them.
The text wasn't sent TO the mother. It was sent BY the mother, to the mother's BF, because the BF was still out partying at 4 am.
In principle, I guess I'd want my kid to be able to contact me freely - but I'd make sure that was possible as best I could myself. I wouldn't think it was my ex's job to provide unfettered access to me on his dime.
And I'd also want to be careful to keep the line between Kid allowed to contact me freely and Me inserting myself into kid's relationship with ex clear.
The issue was it was texts at
The issue was it was texts at 4:00 am. There should be no reason for him to be texting anyone at that time of the night unless there was an emergency. And we never got a call that there was.
BM has a history of not being reliable and responsible when it comes to the kids, or covering things up when they do something that could cause them trouble and then not taking care of it. Therefore, it was the time of the day that the texts were sent which brought them up for review.
Thanks. That's how I fell but
Thanks. That's how I fell but on top of it we pay for it.
She did say it was a surprise
She did say it was a surprise review. This gives me the notion that she doesn't check every single text. However, if that kid is sending/receiving naked pics on the phone in HER name, would she not be at risk for being accused of distributing/receiving child pornography? I think she would. She is responsible for what is done with a phone that is in her name, that she pays for (or does so with his father), so she has every right to monitor that. If you rely on someone else for something, don't expect privacy with it.
I think if I didn't want my
I think if I didn't want my kid's hypothetical stepmom to read texts between me and them, I would pay for a cell phone myself.
OP, I don't understand something. The texts were to his mom's phone right?
He said his mom used his phone to text her bf because he wasn't answering her texts?
So wouldn't the texts be to his mom's bf's phone?
Am I wrong? Does this make sense?
BM and fb can't afford two
BM and fb can't afford two phones, so she apparently gave fb her phone and was using skid's phone.
No the BM gave bf her phone.
No the BM gave bf her phone. And used SS's phone. All four kids are subject to random checks on cell phones. Why? Well because we pay for them, and I want to be sure that none of the kids are harassing other kids, getting harassed, having inappropriate conversations, sending pics that are inappropriate etc.
As for YSS, he is on a shorter leash due to a pornography issue we had about two months ago. He's 12. Just turned 12. My 2 SSs and my 2 BDs are all subject to the same rules. I check my bio kids texts too. As for my DH, the issue is he takes non answers or the kids at face value every time. And ninety percent of the time they are lying. I don't take "I don't know" or "I don't remember" as answers when it pertains to something from just a couple days prior.
I feel we can look at all four phones of the teens/Tweens as WE pay for them. If BM doesn't like that, well then BM is MORE than welcome to pay for phones for HER kids. The issue is we are dealing with a BM who is a psychotic bitch and uses her son as a way to cause problems or get him to say things for her to twist and turn around. She filed a false CPS abuse allegation against my DH because YSS had a bruise from horse playing and also happened to be grounded for bad grades...therefore DH abused him for getting poor grades. That's just one example of MANY. Pictures of our bank statements, pictures of things in our house. Therefore, yeah I have every right to check his phone. Her reason is oh I wanted one like that what does it look like. Or similar things. She lies constantly about everything and pressures YSS to lie and cover for her. She is more than welcome to get him a phone that SHE pays for and only contacts him on that....but that would require her actually spending money on her kids. And that's not going to happen. That's probably one whole night at the bar she would have to give up.
Also my DH was giving me shit
Also my DH was giving me shit about going out for a couple drinks with my mother. Not about the phone. And that pissed me off.
how did he get his phone back
how did he get his phone back after taking pictures of your home and handing them out and/or porn?