Oh, you need to get with StepAside on this one. She has a MIL from hell. I get along with my MIL just fine, but she probably has some good advice.
What made your DH start having something to do with her again? Maybe just because he does, doesn't mean you have to. Please don't tell me he didn't make Thanksgiving plans with her, or I will have to come slap him myself.

My current dh's parents passed away before I ever met him, but I had a MIL from hell during my first marriage and we had a child together. When ex and I were together, she would do WEIRD stuff... kiss her ds/my ex on the neck, touch him a little too "kindly" if you catch my drift. My mom saw it and she actually asked my ex about it... if it bothered him. He said yes. She asked him why he didn't tell her that it bothered him... no response of course. It was after that that we married and had my ds17. When ds17 was a baby and ex mil was there, I would intentionally go into the other room to change his diaper. She would FOLLOW me in there after I already had his diaper off and I would grab a blanket and throw it over my son. I finally started taking him in his room and locking the door so she couldn't get in.

She constantly had rude things to say about my ex's dad, who was a good man. She would put the kids in the middle of their seperation and eventually divorce. It was really sad. Both my ex and his sister would come to me and talk to me about how they were feeling because they both trusted me and I was an outsider that knew what was going on. The pain that this bitch inflicted on her own children is unbelievable.

Well, now, my ex hardly has anything at all to do with my ds17. He sees him once every 3-4 weeks for 1 hour... lunch on Sunday. Ex LIVES with his mother (and his wife of about 4 years). There is a LOT more to this story that I can't fit in this post, but basically, my ex USED to have a decent relationship with ds until his mother moved where we are (we had moved 500 miles away from her... she followed us about 7 years later). She told my ex that my ds was "demanding" because she had taken him for a visit when he was 12 years old and he asked her for milk. When she said she didn't have any, he asked her if she would go to the store. After that, they allowed DS to spend the night one time for Christmas. DS was caught watching a "channel he shouldn't have been watching". After that ds was never allowed to his grandmother's house ever again. Not for a visit, not for an overnight, NOTHING. About 6 months ago, DS asked his dad if he could come and see him while he was in the town his dad lives in. His dad told him no and offered no excuse or alternative.

DS17 now only speaks to his dad during their monthly lunches. He has been horribly hurt by his dad's lack of interest, but he's done a great job of working through it and coming out on the other side so that now his dad isn't anymore important to him than he is to his dad. It's so sad and it breaks my heart for him, but he has handled it wonderfully and maturely. DS knows that I have begged his dad over the years to see him more and be more involved. When he turned 16 he asked questions, so I showed him e-mails because his dad was telling him that I kept him from seeing ds. I showed him e-mails I had sent inviting him to see ds play sports, inviting him to ALL school functions, begging him to get ds more than once every other week because I knew ds needed contact with his father. It shifted my ds's attitude real quick. He learned then that his dad and grandmother are quite the liars.

All of this because of a MIL from hell. You can't stop your dh from having a relationship with his mom, but you CAN set your foot down about being involved in it. If you ever do have children with your dh, my suggestion would be for all visits with his mother and the baby be in your own home where you can find a place to retreat to if you ever feel the need. All mother's know that if you aren't on the good side of the "baby mama", you might as well forget having a relationship with that baby. I don't care what the dad says or does. The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world in these cases. But I wouldn't worry about crossing that bridge until I get to it. It is possible that a year of not hearing from her son could have done some good, but I would still approach with caution. I think it's a good idea to stay away at holidays considering that the past has a way of repeating itself. I'm not allowing my sk's to be here for our Thanksgiving this year because I don't want the drama either. I told DH that if he wants to deal with their behavior and their attitudes then he can go to their places. But I will have a peaceful holiday with my children... the 4 of us deserve a drama free holiday.

I don't care for my MIL. The only time there is much of a situation where I might have to see her is for holidays. Occasionally DH asks very nicely if I will accompany him. Sometimes I will but only if SD comes too so I have someone to talk to, or it is a large gathering with other relatives I talk to. Otherwise, I send DH on his way to see his mom and I am assuming he tells everyone I am busy with my family? I really have no idea what he says.... He is probably pretty vague. Life is too short for difficult MILs!

My MIL is horrid! She became BFFs with BM when DH & I got together in an effort to gt my SS to go live with BM so she could have access to him 24/7 - Well it worked but then she pissed off BM and now she never sees the kids. She's never seen our bios either. I don't like her and I don't trust her and thankfully DH was able to see how toxic she was after his heart scare last year when we extended an olive branch yet again.

Eww... Your MIL sounds so much like mine except trhow in a massive culture clash. We're in Australia -I'm God knows how many generation Australian and she migrated here from Jordan 50 years ago - but still has not 1 Australian friend and has the opinion that all of us cheat on their husbands, none of can cook, clean, or raise children... for God's sake, she was telling me how to cook pasta last week... and apparently, I don't look after the skids, SD8 and SS10, properly because I make them bathe themselves and don't allow them to eat junk. Junk's all they get at their BM's; she's been known to give them potato crisps for dinner. The bitch refused to come to our wedding; refused to come to our daughters Christening, even though she has images and statuette of Jesus, Mary and Crucifixes all over her house. She has literally begged my husband to let her hit my daughter with a bit of cane across the ear... ooh, she's very lucky I wasn't there at the time. She rang my husband the day before we were married begging him not to marry me... I had a miscarriage in August last year, and when he told her I was pregnant, she responded 'you should have cum on her back' in 6 different ways... I'm now 8 months preggas with a baby boy. Initially she told my husband not to have any more kids with me because the skids would suffer and we'd seperate eventually anyway, but since we found out its a boy she's been all nice as pie. She attempts to play her 3 daughter-in-laws off against eachother and has attempted to get the divorce ball rolling by playing me and my husband off against eachother - obviously she doesn't realise the 3 off us talk quite often if only to ask how eachothers kids are and to vent about MIL and our sister-in-law/husbands sister. She wants my husbands kids every second weekend, which will cut into his own time with his kids, and she won't take bm to court for her own access to her grandkids, AND creates a song and dance when she doesn't see the two brats on his time. She continually brings up my husbands ex-wife, telling me random things like how my husband would spoil her... as if I want to know. She actually competes with the wives of her 3 sons for their attention. There are soooooooooooo many things she's done...

My MIL is nice as pie now, but wait for the turn - she's like Madusa! Can't trust them, unfortunately the only way to choose not to have the cow in your life is to get rid of your husband. When that's not an option, be polite, tell her nothing, and keep her at arms length.... that's what we 3 do. All the while, bare in mind she's going to die soon LOL! Unfortunately for us 3 sister-in-laws, our husbands sister is just as bad as her mother, but since she understands English as she was born here, I can tell her in no uncertain terms where to go. I just have to use little words so that she understands them!

Good luck.