Im quite new to this group, and am now getting the hang of it (I think) And one of the things which I have learnt is that it is perfectly normal to sometimes have insecurities or jealousy to do with BM and the SKIDS. Ok thats fine, im glad im not the only one.

But at what point does this become abnormal or too far??

My SO today was telling me that his son had brought him some sweeties last weekend, just because he thought he would like them. I thought to myself thats nice, hes been to the shops with dad and picked out something for him... But then it turns out that he got them while shopping with mum. SO is going on and on about how cute it was, and I should have been thinking, yes, that is a nice thing that SS5 wanted to get his daddy a gift, but I wasnt. I was just angry at hearing about it because I know that BM had brought the stupid thing!!

The same with xmas gifts. He always gets some sort of shower gel type thing from the kids, but they have obviously been picked out and brought by BM. Now, it doesnt bother me that the kids want to get him something for xmas etc thats fine. Its the fact that she was with him for about 8 years and I have only been with him for 18 months. She knows what sort of smelly things he likes and so buys him the stuff he always used when he was with her. (Or at least in my head that is what she does. He has never actually said as much)

Although even he said of his xmas gift that he wants to use it because its a gift from the kids, but doesnt want it because it was picked out by her. (and that was without me even saying anything about how I felt about it!!) I said to him, "its a gift, use it, dont let it go to waste and you can tell your children that you used it and liked it!" But what I was really thinking was "throw it in the bin and get that contaminated item out of my sight"

The other thing that bothers me is his telly!! He used to have a cheapo tv from the supermarket in his room in the houseshare he is in that he got when he moved out of the family home. BM invited herself in one day and barged into his bedroom, made some comment about it being small and left. Random. The next thing is shes got a brand new flat screen blue ray thing for herself, and has given him her old tv which was granted a lot better than his one. Sounds very considerate and reasonable. (she goes through phases of apearing this way). But then he tells me that the TV was a moving in gift to them both from her family when they first moved into the house they used to share, which is the one she and the SKIDS are still in now. I REALLY hate that telly. I hate the fact that when the SKIDS are there they always point out the fact that it was mummys telly and they know how to use it, whereas I dont really (not that interested to find out to be honest)

I put my foot down when her "friend" (who we think might suspect that SD8 is his because he keeps buying stuff for her and not so much for SS5, and she was in a relationship with this guy before meeting SO) brought her a new bed and BM offered SO THEIR OLD MARRIAGE BED!!!!! SO was contemplating it because he paid £800 for it!!! I just said absolutely not!! We will buy our own new bed when we move in together and I am not going near anyting you shared with Psycho BM!!

Anyway he agreed thankfully. (hes understanding like that)

But I wonder, with the little gifts, am I being unreasonable, is it normal to feel that way about such silly things?

Plus her buying / giving things like that really doesnt fit in with the image I have of her in my head as this woman who beats and emotionally torments her children regularly, and has verbally abused myself and my BD8 and has caused me to be diagnosed with stress!

Is that why? Because I just cant cope with the idea of her behaving so cordially?

Quite confused about this.