Question for you ladies and gents
Today is s funny day. Just to give you a little background to see where this is going, and I promise I will try to be brief. I was missing a shirt. On occasion, my clothes have walked away. And, lo and behold, I have seen them show up on my step daughter and sometimes even on her mom. I am sure that bm does not realize they are mine, so that is a non-issue. However, where I am going with this is that we have three girls in the house that all wear roughly the same size. I can easily see how things can get into someone else's closet by mistake if someone is putting things away. But am I nuts to expect that if you discover something in your closet that is not yours that you might just try to find it's real owner instead of just claiming it as your own?
My dh doesn't seem to get it. He says well they're just kids. (mostly referring to sd) Well I think when you are almost 13 and not a stupid person that you should be able to figure out what is yours and what is not yours. Sd would have an absolute caniption fit if someone wore her things and I am sure that he would understand why she was upset.
My daughter has also been guilty of this, but I set her straight and haven't had a problem with it for a very long time.
However, when I say something to my Dh about it he acts as if I am just being ridiculous. I don't scream or yell. I am very calm and pretty much just state things as they are. I just want to work out a solution that we can live with and I think that maybe he thinks I am just trying to fight or pick on his daughter which is really not the case.
He even referred to the fact that I had some socks in my drawer that were his that I did not know were even there, I don't wear socks very often, but when I realized they were not mine I did not wear them, I found out who's they were and returned them. That is all I am asking. I am tired of my things being used without my permission and I don't get why this offends him.
Am I just being silly? What do you ladies think?
Georgie
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Comments
HELL NO YOUR NOT BEING SILLY
I have the same issue my sd is only 10 and a little bitty thing I am very small myself but we are not the same size at all but she sure does where my stuff...we do have almost the same size feet sounds silly but I have small feet and she has big feet for her age...anyway she gets into all of my stuff my shoes, clothes, makeup, nailpolish you name it if she want's she takes it ofcourse she never even thinks to ask...I am very prissy so I have alot of crap but I am also very picky about my stuff I feel like I share everything else in life these are things I don't have to share and I get beyond pissed off at sd and my husband about this issue...He always defends her and tells me to chill out but she is not wearing his stuff...SO HELL NO I DON'T THINK YOU ARE BEING SILLY>>>Those are your things and she or no one else has right to get into your things without asking...NOW that I sound like a crazy bitch I must add that I am the type to give anyone the shirt off my back if they ask...and my sd has so much crap its unreal she has no need to get into my stuff but she is the type of kid who honestly thinks she has a right to have whatever she wants regardless of who it belongs to...she has been known to have very sticky fingers with money, toys you name it...she has taken toys from my son and gave them to her little brother as gifts...My husband thinks its cute we will see if he still thinks its cute when he is picking her up from the police station for shoplifting...BEST OF LUCK TO YOU>>>
Respect!
Well, I think I'd have a talk with SD even if DH didn't understand or approve. You should have the same expectations for her that you do the other children.
~ Katrina
It should be a no-brainer.
But since it's obviously not, why not put your initials on everything with permanent ink on the tag?
Even that's not necessary, in my book. Forget DH. It's not HIS issue, even if it is his daughter. They are YOUR clothes. Tell her they are not to be borrowed without asking and if she does it again, there will be consequences. I really don't think you even need DH's input on this. He's not interested, so leave him out of it and take care of it yourself. If he doesns't want to discipline his daughter, that's fine, but when it comes to YOUR belongings, you have the right to say NO, no matter who's kid it is.
~ Anne ~
"The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there." ...Anonymous
You know...
the thing is that BM and SD share clothes. And because of that, SD doesn't know any boundaries. She thinks it's perfectly okay because her mother allows it.
If I were you, I'd certainly would nip it in the bud and make it very clear that your clothes are off limits, and don't budge at any moment with allowing her to wear anything of yours. You have to set boundaries and personal privacy guidelines. If she persists, I would follow through with consequences.
I agree that DH isn't going to handle or give a rats ass about this issue at all... it simply isn't his clothes, so he won't understand the irritant about this. Clothes are one of those trivial things in a man's eye. Trust me. Instead, this is going to be between you and her. I'd say let her do her own laundry. Therefore, there's no excuse for the mix up. Believe me, once my SS started to do his own laundry, he started to keep track of his clothing better...except the socks...
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
Thank you all for understanding
I have had SEVERAL conversations with both girls regarding this issue. My daughter got it, but his is another story. Dh is very lax with boundaries as well so it may be learned from both dh and bm.
I too feel it is an issue of respect. I will once again confront my sd about the shirt when she is back from her mom's and remind her about not usung what is obviously not hers. I have already spoken to my daughter and she hadn't even seen the shirt before, but said she had never seen sd wearing it either. However, it had to have been in one of the girl's laundry baskets to have gotten washed with their things when dh did laundry.
It isn't that sd helps herself to my things out of my closet, although she has done that in the past, but that she will either remove them from the laundry room, or that my Dh or his mom end up doing laundry and put away what is hanging in the laundry room and don't know who gets what and they end up in the wrong place. That is when they get worn.
My Dh made the comment that I should just go buy a new one. So I said "okay, everytime one of my things walks off I will just go to the mall a few times a week to buy new clothes because that is the best way to handle this situation." Well guess what, he didn't think that was good solution either. Yeah, no sh*t.
So it looks like Dh and I will be talking with sd when she is back from bm's.
Oh, I have actually tried the initial thing. Can you imagine forty one and having to write my name in my clothes? Still didn't work.
Georgie
I really have no understanding of this issue
I have always been very mature for my age. At 12 I was practically full-grown. So I have always been roughly the same size as my older step sister and my step mother. With three women of the same size living in the same house, we never managed to get something mixed up in the laundry. I can honestly say that I can't remember a single time that my clothes ended up in someone else's closet, or theirs in mine. We did borrow clothes from each other, but only after asking and getting permission.
I can understand getting socks mixed up because socks are pretty indistinguishable and mostly look the same. But articles of clothing? That's pretty obvious. You'd have to be oblivious or just uncaring to not know a piece of clothing wasn't yours IMHO.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*