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Advice needed?

Gana's picture

Submitted by Gana on Wed, 01/20/2010 - 9:56am

Okay. My SS lives with us his is 17 and we were at a wrestling match yesterday and he was with his mom for a couple hours after school yesterday and she brought him to the match. He doesn't wrestle my younger ss does. So when he got there he didn't even say hi to me or acknowledge me at all. This has happened on several occasions when we have to go to events. Their dad, my husband their dad coaches the wrestling. So I sat with my in-laws who she said hello to and then she did say hi to me (I guess cause I was sitting right there) But my ss doesn't even acknowledge me. I'm the one that does it all, I take care of him. He lives with us. Not sure how to handle this with him, I'm very upset over it. Will he think he will hurt his mom if he says hi to me? Don't know why he is doing this? Is she giving him the guilt trip?
But when she is not around, he talks to me and tells me things all the time, we get along really well.

Comments

Gana's picture

Submitted by Gana on Wed, 01/20/2010 - 10:10am

;;

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Wed, 01/20/2010 - 10:18am

I don't really take things like this personal. I can understand the feeling of loyalty to one's parents, not wanting to hurt them if they show any kind of affection/acknowledgement towards someone else right in front of them.

Usually if the skids don't acknowlege me, I'll simply smile and say Hi and move on. I think by forcing it, it will only make the child resent you b/c they feel that they are being forced into an already uncomfortable situation for them.

How often are all of you around each other at the same time?

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Wed, 01/20/2010 - 10:24am

The child lives with you. As far as I'm concerned, that gives you cart blanche to sit down and have a pow wow with him. I don't believe that is forcing him to do anything. It is simply what any parent would do to get to the root of the problem.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Wed, 01/20/2010 - 10:26am

I doubt that it has anything to do with you. He probably feels he is disloyal to his mom. Don't take it so personally.

onehappygirl's picture

Submitted by onehappygirl on Wed, 01/20/2010 - 10:27am

My skids do the same thing with me when their mother is around. I don't let it bother me anymore. The Wookie throws a trantrum whenever the kids talk about me or show that they care for me in any way. I used to go up and give them hugs regardless, but this made them uncomfortable, so I respect that. Usually, toward the end of an event or function, they will come to me on their own. The greatest was at Sheldon's (SS13) 6th grade graduation a couple of years ago, he brought both his mother and me a rose instead of just his mother. That didn't make her happy one little bit, but it just shows what a thoughtful young man he really is.

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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!