I think your husband is suffering from depression, as well as "boredom".

He quit his job and he's probably lucky to get unemployment!! I didn't think they gave it to anyone that quit their job.. or maybe you have to wait for it?

In any event, his frustration could be turning into depression, which would account for all of the sniping.

Can I ask... what did your husband plan to do, once he quit his job? I fully appreciate and understand leaving a position that makes you miserable. But what was his back-up plan? And where is that at right now?

I think those are important questions to answer to find out what his deal is. I wouldn't just advise to run yet, we don't have enough info. But I would try to find out what he has done to look for more work...

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

Well, those are great reasons to quit a job!!

My husband lost his job the week we returned from our honeymoon!! It was horrible. He was devastated. (Hey at least they waited until we got back!!)

He did go through some depression. Part of what helped him, was that we both took the attitude of "you can always go back". He could always go back to the job that he just lost - in terms of the field. He was in construction, so he could always try to go back to that. Instead, we focused on - and I'm sure this will make some people sick - the POSITIVE. Like... okay - your life is now wide open for you to pick the career or opportunity of your dreams!!

We discussed him going back to school. We discussed him taking his art and making it a commercial venture. We discussed him going into my field, which he really wanted to do, but was going to wait until his daughter was out of high school.

Well, life's plans didn't match up with our plans (waiting for his daughter to graduate). He did get hired in my field and LOVES IT. Absolutely loves it and is happy.

I think for your husband, he might be feeling somewhat trapped. He left his job and probably isn't anxious to go back out and possibly get stuck in the same tired situation.

I don't know if this will work for you but I would just get together with him, and see if you guys can have a drink night alone... where you can reconnect. And then ask him... If you could do ANYTHING - what would it be? And really let him just run off some great ideas. From the craziest I want to be President to I want to open a business to I'd love to go back to school. Reconnect for the 2 of you, if you can!!

He probably does love and appreciate you, he's just getting in his own way right now.

Anyway, I'm hoping that that conversation would spur him into some new direction, that might make him excited.

As long as he is getting unemployment, so he's got some money coming in... the world is again his oyster to do what he might actually have always wanted to do. And sometimes, unemployment will help pay for new training for a new career!

Good luck honey!

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

What do you need this guy for? I have found from my years as a casting director on reality shows that bringing a new husband into the picture is the number one thing that seems to mess up young girls. If this guy is acting like this now - how bad will he get later? What are you getting from him? You need to put your daughter first.

FutureSM, I am concerned about you and your future. The unemployment rate is 10% in my state and not expected to get better any time soon. If your H has this kind of attitude now what will happen in the future when the unemployment runs out and he still does not have a job or new job skills? I would push him to go to the community college or anything to keep his brain cells going instead of turning to mush while he does nothing. Is he actually looking for work or just sitting around whining all day? I don't want you to get stuck with another dependent.

Please...he has been out of work for what - 2 months now? Almost 2 -1/2 ...? That's a HUGE adjustment for anyone. He probably took the first couple of weeks just to clear his head.... and then maybe got comfortable, and now is stuck.

Future SM... I completely understand and empathize with you feeling anger. Especially because you are now the sole breadwinner (or major breadwinner) as well as probably the house caretaker , right?

I cannot say if everyone else here is right and your husband is a deadbeat. But I don't think he is. You wrote that he worked for a man for 5 weeks - all day every day - waiting for a paycheck. Naive? Absolutely. But also LOYAL to his employer and not lazy? Right? He was working.

These blogs show exactly what I mean when I express concern. Her husband is going through a tough time. Yes, we owe it to Future SM to PROTECT herself and keep her eyes open. But in my own opinion, we owe it to her to also let her know that her husband might just be going through some sh*t and need additional support.

Future SM... it's up to you which of these routes you want to take. Since you already are feeling so down and negative, I hope you can still see the man you married and SUPPORTED in his decision - ONLY 2 months ago.

Best wishes..

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

Hey Future - My DH ran through something similar about two years ago. He was "let go" from his job. We talked about what he wanted to do, and if he wanted to switch careers. During the time he was unemployed, he actually turned down two jobs because "something better might come along". OK, that ticked me off beyond belief. I told him I would support any decision he might make about what he wanted to do, except not working. I went through a budget with him that outlined how long we could go with him umemployed before we had to start cutting back Basically it was a carrot and stick approach, but based on reality. I was completey upset and quite pissed. His grown, prego daughter had come to live with us. She was umemployed, and here he went loosing his job too? MAN. I was pissed and paniced.

So, he played it out. I was concerned with "not nagging" because I was aware that this was a big ego blow. BUT at the same time, I needed him to move forward. So, each week we'd talk about what was going on, what were his options, how did it go. I'd give him a status of income. (Thank Goodness we had kept our incomes separate. And actually, if your DH is umemployed, I'd recommend you do that as well.) Well, it came down to the first thing that was going to have to go - his truck. He was spending his unemployment, and wasn't going to be able to cover his truck payment. I had cosigned the loan - so, two weeks before it was due, I told him I'd be putting the truck up for sale in five days. He landed a job within two days, and started the following week.

I am not sure what happened with him during this time or why he pulled this little stunt. I am relieved that he decided to man-up, but still we don't share finances.

I think Stick has some good points, and is definitely in tune with some of the emotional turmoil your DH must be going through. I'd add in a definitive structure, some serious goals and consequences. Being the sole breadwinner for a family is an incredible burden, especially in today's world. So, I think the compassion that Stick outlined is great and supportive, and more compassionate than I was able to be. I'd also recommend coupling it with some serious expectations, timelines and consequences. Even now, I am the primary breadwinner, and a major chunk of my change goes to my SD's college tuition. Mostly I am ok with this, but sometimes I resent it.

Oh - one other thing, if your DH is getting unemployment, make sure you put aside cash for tax time. Unemployment income is taxable, and in a higher bracket than regular income. I had to come up with a jaw dropping tax hit, that included penalties, that year.

Be compassionate, and be firm!