Woke up today and realized- there is NOTHING worth fighting over.

Have any of you ever been here? I feel like something in me has really shifted, but I'm not sure if it is for the better or the worse! Is this a good sign, or bad?

There is just nothing to fight over. I'm tired of being mad. If DH doesn't want to parent his kids, who am I to get mad about it? I'll give my input if he wants it, or if not then these are HIS choices, not mine. No reason to fight. If he wants to remain too enmeshed with BM and do her all kinds of favors and be at her beckon call, that is HIS time wasted... not mine! Nothing to be mad over. It's not like I have to go help her lazy ass out. If it means he misses out on things here, that is his choice and his loss.

When DH says or does dumb shit that really hurts and/or makes me mad, there is no need to yell. I can tell him how I feel without yelling, and he can choose to hear it, or not. Getting louder hasn't made him hear me yet, so why bother. I can tell him what actions hurt me and why, and he can do with it what he will. If he wants to change it, that's great. If not, well, yelling and fighting would not have made him change it anyway. I'm tired of being angry that he won't do the "right" thing. I need to accept he is going to make his choices, and I either want to live with those choices, or I don't.... but it's not worth fighting over. is choices will be what they will be, and mine will be what they will be. I'm tired of being angry. I realize the anger is just there to cover the hurt and I'm tired of it.

I'm just not sure if I have found my inner zen, or stopped caring. Anyone else been here? It kinda feels... GREAT!!!!

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Yes, in a similar place. I

Yes, in a similar place. I am not a shouter or a yeller - I tend to disengage, which is what I did with my SDs 10 years ago.

In my view, it's always best to speak quietly and with authority, say things once, then carry through. When I was bringing up my own bios, now 31 and 29, if they misbehaved, I'd give them one warning, then next time I'd invoke whatever consequences I'd warned about.

When my first marriage ended, after 24 years, I gave my exH one ultimatum. He didn't believe I would leave - I didn't warn him again, I started making plans to go.

There's no point being angry all the time, it just makes you stressed and ill. If you can't fix things, either accept the situation or leave. I've accepted that I don't care for my SDs because of the way they've treated me over the years, and my DH knows how I feel. It is what it is.

Yes, I'm there too and it's

Yes, I'm there too and it's great!!!

I found the arguing over kids and all the Swamp drama was keeping DH and I from focusing on our relationship. I set some guidelines and boundaries for both of us. We don't discuss parenting issues, we don't criticize each other's parenting and Swamp isn't high on the conversation list.

Things are not perfect but it is a work in progress. I think I am better than DH in holding the boundaries. For instance, today DH wants me to take skid12 to his friends birthday party. But before he goes, he wants skid to do all his chores. I told DH HE needed to discuss this with skid and NOT ME. Reason being...I have always in the past said they need to complete their chores before fun and DH has NEVER done this. Putting me in the position, puts me in the "mean step mom" category AND they're HIS kids not mine. Now is DH happy, no. NOT.MY. PROBLEM

It feels so good not to be in the tug of war with him or the skids. I have PEACE in progress and I love it!

I recommend you read The

I recommend you read The Dance of Anger, if you haven't already. I'm reading it now and it's fascinating. Basically the author argues that anger is not good or bad, justified or unfounded, any more than hunger or thirst. It is a sign that something is amiss, and that we've given up too much of ourselves. Venting the anger however usually lead to pointless fights that actually perpetuate the problem - allowing our DHs to write us off as "crazy." From some of your prior posts it seems you do ALOT for your skids. Much more than many of us would be comfortable with. I'm working on figuring out the cause of my anger and no longer doing the things I don't want to do and making time for those I do want to. Anyway, I highly recommend the book and its available on Kindle so your DH won't even know what you're reading

Yes I have come to a turning

Yes I have come to a turning point. But I'm going to fight a little more because otherwise I have to leave and that's hard to do. SO asked me if we had made up and I said nothing has blown over I'm just too tired to be angry. I can't do it any more.

I'm at the point that things have to change between me and SO or I will leave. So I am
Going to fight for things that have to do with our adult relationship and my status as lady of the house. It's only been 10 months since I've moved in, so I feel like I need to give it a shot. Mostly I am just too tired to pack my things and move. And living on a single income kinda sucks. I've supported myself my entire adult life so I know I can do it, I've lived on a single income for my entire life. just want to give this a shot, it's nice to save more money for a change.

I'm finding I can forgive things I thought I couldn't forgive. SO can be a major douche bag sometimes. Hes actually very smart and pretty successful, But when we fight it's like he reverts to a 10 year old child and its like I'm the mean sister and he must exact his revenge. Whatever. We do not fight like adults and that has to change.

So we will see. people rarely change, but maybe things can become more liveable.