It really does seem like society doesn’t want stepfamilies or work or to recognize and promote stepfamilies being successful. I guess it’s not as popular or compelling as the single mom sacrificing everything to raise their kids alone. Maybe it’s unconformable for people to admit that a parent can leave their spouse, remarry and that new family can work better than the original family unit (assuming there was an initial family unit) and that not all dads are deadbeat losers and those that remarry and put their spouse first rather than being this stereotype of the kid-obsessed daddy figure can actually be successful.

I noticed while reading an article about soon-to-be former SD15‘s high school honoring students of the year that almost all of them had some sort of sob story and were thanking the people that helped get them here. Did anyone thank a stepparent? Nope. Were any stepparents mentioned? Nope.

Nearly all came from single parent homes, all single moms. SD didn’t mention her dad at all. I’m certain people reading this would have thought “where are the dads?”. SD’s little write-up talks about her aunt & uncle and her half-sister as being her “inspiration”.

You would never have known that this girl caused so much trouble on purpose so that she could go live where she wanted to and could do anything she wanted. Yet, she gets honored because she has a sob story and makes it out like her parents abandoned her. Sure, she gets good grades (doing classes for the second time after failing last year), but she’s self-centered, egotistical and disrespectful to adults who don’t kiss her rear-end.

All of the work stb-ex-DH and I put into helping her when she lived with us, getting tutors, making her do her homework - all ignored. No, her aunt & uncle are heroes who took in an abandoned child. :sick:

But it all serves a purpose. If a kid like SD applies for scholarships or college and has to write an essay, what’s going to get more attention - writing about how her life changed when she went to live with her dad and stepmom and they helped her turn her life around? Or the girl who has the drug addicted mom and a dad that abandoned her and how she’s being raised by her aunt, uncle and older siblings?

You can’t say that in SD’s high school there aren’t any intact families or successful stepfamilies. But do people want to recognize them or all the “successful” kids from broken homes and single parents making it seem like these are the people that should be recognized and applauded. But that just keeps this cycle going.

SD always wants to make everything about her and what she wants, and never about what her dad wants or what would be best for everyone else in his family.

If what was being recognized were kids who were from families that worked to raise good kids, not just kids who test well on standardized tests like SD, and have character, values and respect for authority, then we might see some change.

Doing what your parents (including your stepparents) tell you, even if you don’t like it and it isn't what you want, should be actually expected by society and rewarded, not patting kids on the back that do whatever it takes to get what they want.

The problem is that something like SD saying “I really didn’t want to go live with my dad and it was really hard to be away from my friends and half-sister, but I tried my best to make it work. My stepmom did so much to help me and she’s so much better than my mom ever was to me.” isn’t what people want to hear. She’d never get awards and accolades saying something like that.

All of her friends and family laments that her dad made her move and she was so unhappy living with him and how it was all his fault that he didn’t change his entire life so she got everything she wanted. No, what gets rewarded is bratty, self-centered kids and single parents or extended families that worship them.