To be honest, you probably should disengage since both of her bio parents don't care about her health. The old adage "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink" applies here.

Especially if SD is being raised on the "instant gratification" method of non-parenting (as i find most kids are being raised today; especially C.O.Ds.)

"Just give Junior what he wants to make him happy." Fact is that Junior will NEVER be happy or satisfied if he's given EVERYTHING he wants.

You can try to lead by example but that's about it. You can mention in passing that you feel so much better when you eat fruits and vegetables and that your skin glows because of it, etc. etc.

It's very sad what these modern day "parents" are doing to the health of their children. I know in my case, skids are allowed to eat whatever junk they want whenever. Vegetables and fruits never touch their lips. The oldest SS stb 15 is at 29% body fat according to his gym paperwork.

He was MUCH bigger than that when he was around 9. Bulging out of his whitey tighties. The only thing that is keeping all three skids from being morbidly obese is the fact that the Behemoth signs them up for every organized sport under the sun; in which they phone it in of course but it's better than nothing.

I just went to a BMI calculator and punched in her weight and height and it came back with a BMI of 21.61 which is in the "normal" range. Does she just have that kind of "baby fat" thing going on? I know that they say that belly fat can be an early indicator of diabetes, so I might be concerned about that, or it may just be her genetics... what do BM and DH look like?

I'm with A though in that if DH and BM are resistant to helping SD be healthy and fit, then you have entered into a losing battle and might as well just go bang your head against the wall.

We only have SD9 EOW and she is also overweight. Every time we see her she has gotten a little bigger. There is not really much we can do at this point. BM feeds them nothing but fast food since she refuses to cook. She will literally eat a hot pocket with chicken nuggets for dinner and pizza rolls as an appetizer. It's so unhealthy.

When she is with us we try to take them on bike ride and go swimming but there is only so much exercise one can do in a weekend. Not to mention that she will come up with a fake ailment for anything that requires effort. DH said he wanted to enroll her in gymnastics and I literally had to stop myself from laughing. This poor child is so heavy no gymnastics coach would accept her, but I guess he thinks she is "just a little chubby."

I am fairly certain her poor diet and lack of exercise at BM's is contributing to her terrible moods when she is with us. As far as any advice, there is not much you can do. I say make sure your DH makes her continue going to this fitness program and to not let her quit. Maybe her insecurity and learning what is healthy will turn her around on her own.

I know it sucks to watch, but I too have disengaged. SD15 has gotten bigger over the years. I used to try as well. Neither her mom or dad take responsibility for her eating habits. When I tried to encourage healthy snacking I was met with snide comments and seemed to only offend. So washed my hands of it.

SD15 will be overweight. She already is and she makes comments about herself. I think she has learned it gets people to say "oh no you are not fat, you are pretty"

Those are similar to my sd's height and weight and I can only imagine what kind of crap would hit the fan if I broke out a measuring tape! SD has always been chubby and now her tummy poofs way out like a mini beer belly. It's pretty sad actually, but she's built exactly like her mom.

I think you tried to help with the exercise and it didn't work out, so at least you tried. I wouldn't keep involving yourself except to talk up nutrition and encourage her to try (taste) some healthy foods.

DH and BM think calling any attention whatsoever to sd's chubbiness will lead to an eating disorder. DH does try to point out when foods aren't healthy and which foods are "healthy" and he tries to steer her in the right direction.

But never are the words "fattening" uttered (as in, you can't have a second of ice cream because ice cream is really fattening), we substitute the word "unhealthy". I'm not sure if I agree with this "you can never say the word fattening" thing, but I do agree we can't point out her giant belly and her being chubby -- pretty sure she is fully aware of it. When she gets older and really wants to change it, that's when the change will happen.

All I know is, I sure as hell am not getting in the middle of it! Her *parents* can handle it!

See this article. It seems that bioparents are unable or unwilling to notice that their children are becoming overweight/obese.

http://www.healthcarefinancenews.com/news/parents-rank-obesity-low-list-...

I think it is classic "head in the sand" behaviour that is pandemic in most of today's free ranging, modern, "instant gratifcation method" non-parents.

Oh FoxyMama87, bless you for caring! Unfortunately yes? If BM & DH aren't concerned with SD9's health, then your only recourse is to disengage from the situation. I too was on board trying to help my SS13 lose 10 lbs while he was visiting his dad & I. Because BM works all day while he's at school, SS13 comes home to the grandparents & even when the doctor told BM her darling baby boy was overweight? Grandma's response was "That doctor can kiss my A$$"
DH was an overweight teen & has pushed himself to lose weight (100 lbs!) and has tried to encourage a healthier lifestyle but it falls on deaf ears. BM simply just doesn't care enough to follow through.
Either DH will make the effort to encourage healthier habits for his daughter & engage you in the challenge or...you choose to keep your sanity. Big hug to you!

Where is her mom (or mom's family)from? I'm wondering about the amount of rice in her diet. In some cultures that is very normal.

Her measurements, height, weight don't seem that out of wack to me.

I look at it like this:
Grown up women don't like to be told/treated like they are fat and for girls it's such a fine line before we get into eating disorders.
We should be able to casually and honestly tell a girl that she better eat healthier, she is getting chubby, she should not eat another slice of cake and so forth. That would be ok if looks were not so prized in this country. Media all over the place tell our girls that looks and skinny bodies are the most important thing in their lives, by far. They are told that their being pretty accounts for 90% or more of their happiness. Given that, when we point out a flaw or the fact that they are chubby, it is a very, very big deal. Take. for example, the "tiger mom" ( the book about the Chinese mom); this mom pushed her girls in all areas of life, to an extreme. She mainly pushed academics and music. The social life of her girls was minimized. She pushed them to succeed and excel in areas other than beauty. So when she tells them casually not to eat any more because they might get fat, without measuring words at all, it is not that big a deal. They are not as defined by their bodies as many girls in our society. I am not saying that I agree with "tiger mom", I am just using it as an example. So much of what our girls hear and see centers on their looks, so it is natural for it to be such a big deal when their bodies are criticized. I don't have an answer, I am sorry. I wish we as a society let our girls know we value more than just that. The message is out there, but it is shadowed by all the runway dreams etc. I also think that just like many of us eat to satisfy some emotional need, many kids also do that. It is complicated and difficult, because we want to help them and we have to be so careful. As to OP, I think trying to get her involved in active pursuits is a great thing! Maybe helping her find the one thing that moves her, that makes her feel good about herself, be it drawing, animals, anything were she has an active role, could help too.

You make very good points and it is true that looks have always mattered. In my case, my BD 15 is just beautiful. She has been asked to model and she is putting ALL her energy in her looks, way too much. She does poorly at school, very lazy at home, zero effort in just about anything. Just about everything she does is half ass. She is lucky to have that body... She eats junk and would rather sit on the couch all day than sweat for a minute. Now maybe she will be lucky to keep that figure, but if her metabolism changes....and she is not putting effort in other aspects of her life....it could be very sad. She is smart but very little common sense. She is very sweet, without pretending, but that only goes so far. I try and point out that girls need to have a full life; I am active and busy and independent and adventurous, but she shows no interest...
Good luck