Parenting Styles DO Matter!
This is a vent, not a request for advice, but I'm willing to hear anything you all have to say. Earlier there was a post about whether 2 different parenting styles can work. I'm at my wit's end with the differing parenting styles of me & DH. I tell him straight forward how I feel about certain limits for kids (BOTH SD and BD) and the moment I leave the room, he will contradict and do the exact opposite of what he knows I firmly think is wrong for the kids! This man has some serious issues with hearing & comprehending what a family unit is supposed to be....I just want to scream every time I walk in the house and he's sitting here with SD on OUR computer claiming to do homework but when I look at the history, she's been gmailing her friends.
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Different parenting styles is
Different parenting styles is one thing. Out and Out lying to you (and teaching SKid it's ok) is way out of line.
DP and I are different. I am
DP and I are different. I am more authoritarian (in the middle) and he's out right passive. We talk a lot. I know that he's said one thing to me then said something else to SDs and I call him on it every time, or just give up whatever task it is to him 100%. I truly think he's not lying, just oblivious and gives in to wining wayyyy too easy.
We've had little problems with my disengaging and if he's tired, too bad. Your kids. I will step in only if I feel like it and if it's not disciplinary. So far this is working. I laid it out for him last winter.
I will be watching him in our new house because I won't tolerate certain things...the ongoing messes and clutter (not just little messes and clutter either) and the use of the master bath. No SDs in our bath, period. They have their own.
This sounds like me and dh. I
This sounds like me and dh. I feel like I'm being so controlling because I have to tell him when the skids need to be reprimanded and he has gotten so used to me be in control that he just waits for me to say something :/. Do they ever learn when discipline is needed without you telling them? (Dang sounds like I'm talking about a kid and chores.)
That is just disrespectful.
That isn't a difference in
That isn't a difference in parenting styles. He is treating you with complete disrespect and undermining your authority as his wife and a parent in the house.
I'd kick his ass.
Okay....probably not the way to deal with it.
But I would sit his dumb ass down and tell him from that moment on he's not allowed to parent your kid. He can raise his any way he sees fit, but he must stop contradicting the way you parent your own child.
Hmmm... Ok at the risk of
Hmmm... Ok at the risk of being skewered, does he actually agree with you when you have these discussions? Or does he more just listen silently and nod his head? I ask because you say you tell him how YOU want things done. Has he said how he wants things done? Sometimes I feel like my DH listens but doesn't really "buy in" to my way of parenting. Sometimes it's more " yes, dear" to get me to just be quiet. But he's every bit as much as a parent and has a right to do things his way as I have to things mine.
That being said, I think it is important to present a unified front. Maybe there are some parenting issues you guys could hash out in short term counseling? This may require some compromise on both your ends. Once he AGREES to do something a certain way though it's totally bullshit for him to do something different behind your back.