Just want your opinions
H has had custody of sd since she was 4 and we got married when she was 10. In the 6yrs between it has become apparent that the majority of the time sd was either with her grandmother, an aunt or a sitter. When he talks about that time it's always about going on fishing trips and parties. Never about activities that the two of them did or events concerning sd. Also I get the impression that H was a man ho. When he does talk about sd at that age it's always about what kind of trouble she caused at school and other public places. The scary thing is that it's always with pride. There are no videos or photos nothing and yes he had a camera. That has continued since we've been together. I don't know about any of you but I have tons of photos of my kids. I've tried to document all the important events of their lives for them. When I think of my kids at a certain age I can clearly see what they were doing. You know things like the first day of school, first bicycle stuff like that. According to H that makes me an over involved, suffocating parent. He thinks kids pretty much raise themselves and all a parent has to do is provide food and shelter. In all the time we've been together I have never seen him discipline sd and God knows she needed it. What I want to know is am I a bad parent??
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Good grief no, you're not a bad parent!!
My ex husband believes the same things your husband believes. He seldom attends games, recitals, school functions, etc. He blew off BD's girl scout father-daughter dance a month or so ago because he just couldn't afford the gas to drive 40 miles. To hear him talk about his gas costs, you'd think he drove a dump truck. He said, "oh, she'll be fine. She'll forget about it in a week". Well, he wasn't the one letting her sob on his shoulder. He was raised that way so he thinks it's fine. I was not raised that way, and I thank God every day for my parents and the example they set (especially since they're divorced and still were very friendly to one another and involved in our lives). So you just keep being over involved and suffocating. Your kids appreciate it!
BTW - DH took BD to her dance and she had a lovely time!
What about to
love your children? To guide them. To support them.
There's a whole lot more to parenting than just provide children food and shelter.
You are not a bad parent, FM. Your idiotic H is.
Not a bad parent
I guess your DH prefers the "hands off" approach when it comes to parenting.
My current DH either guilt parents his son or sticks his head in the sand. He also thinks "kids raise themselves" I call it parenting by osmosis (kids somehow just "grow up" one day without any guidance) scary!
My EX was a black and white thinker and Nazi parent-extremes are not good!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
at the rate your SD is going
your idiot H will have ONE important picture of his precious princess that he can talk about with pride...
her first MUGSHOT
he is a complete idiot, ferretmom!
Don't let him make you think that what you have done for your children is anything less than completely normal. All parents take pictures of the milestones in their children's lives. The firsts: days of school, riding bikes on their own, school events, etc.
It's not not overinvolved. It's caring. It's nurturing. It's loving.
And your H only bragging about SDs times of getting into trouble? That's downright disturbing!
I'll say it again, ferretmom...Think LONG AND HARD about all of this dysfunction while you're away on your cruise.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
He will complain for hours
He will complain for hours when he hears a parent tell their child they're special. He thinks it's wrong to let your child know how much they mean to you. Then he turns around and does the exact same thing with sd. He has showed her that she should be given whatever she wants simply by breathing and if she doesn't get it then take it. We've been called to school several times because she attacked another student or threatened them. He doesn't see that it's wrong for a child to tell another one "Do what I want or I'll kill you". She once threatened a kindergartner, sd was in the 6th grade, for looking into the class room window. Sd told her she was going to rip her arms and legs off and throw them on the school roof. H went around telling everyone how proud he was of her for standing up for herself. WTF The next year she walked up to a girl in the hall and hit her in the head with a book just because she had on a sweater that sd didn't like. I asked H what he was going to do about it and his answer was the school had done enough and again he was proud of her actions. Yet I'm the bad parent.
whoa!
That kid sounds pathological. Down right scary!
How do you sleep with her in the house???
O...M...G...
I would be MORTIFIED to hear those things about my child. I'm sooo sorry ferretmom, how embarassing and difficult that must be!
Doesn't it seem like bio
Doesn't it seem like bio dads go one way or the other. Either their child is their life and they guilt parent and spoil them rotten...or they think they can raise themselves??
Ain't it the truth...
JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'
Is there no in-between? It seems like it's 'all or nothing' with bio dads. Arrraggghhh....it makes me want to wear a tee shirt or badge that says "Don't blame me, I'm not her mother!"
So, I assume this guy has
So, I assume this guy has some redeeming quality? He sounds like a complete ass.
I've known him for almost
I've known him for almost 20yrs and he wasn't like this before. It didn't get really bad until both my sons were out of the house. I get the feeling that they were waiting for me to be without protection. Before my youngest son left he made sure they both knew that if anything should happen to me that he and his brother would be sure to make sure that the police investigated. I realize that must sound paranoid but sd has tried to hurt me in the past. Like I've said before I sleep with the bedroom door locked always have always will.
sounds
like the apple didnt fall too far from the tree.
if you never come back from your cruise drop us a line to let us know you have run away and are HAPPY!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."