Major (possibly legal) issue between both (future) step sons
For those who don't know, I have an SO who is the CP for his two sons, ages 8 and 9. The 8 year old is autistic and legally blind.
Well yesterday, my SO gets a voicemail from our county's child advocacy center. He tried to call back yesterday, but couldn't get a hold of anyone. He finally got a call back today and found out why they got involved.
Apparntly autistic son 8 told people at school that 9 year old son was touching him inappropriatly. He has to take them to a meeting Thusday at 5. I have no idea what to believe. I guess it is possible that 9 year old actually did this, but it is equally as possible that 8 year old is lying or just confused about what actually happened (as in, they were wrestling around and 9yo accidently touched 8 year old, and 8 year old thought it was on purpose?) or could be that 8 year old just doesn't like the way that 9 year old touches him (in a harmless, non sexual kind of way).
I told my boyfriend not to ask them about it or talk to them about it until after the meeting Thursday. Is this the best way to handle it? Obviously if 9yo actually did it, he will be in severe trouble. But we have no idea what actually happened, if anything. We don't want 8 year old to think we don't believe him (in case it does actually happen in the future) we want him to know he can trust us with this sort of issue in the future. If he was lying though, he needs to understand that he cannot lie about it, because if he is lying and keeps lying, we may not believe him in the future if it does actually happen.
Don't know the best way to deal with this situation. Any help and suggestions are appreciated.
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This used to be my job.
This used to be my job.
Do not talk to them about it. Let the investigator handle things. Believe the investigator's report.
There are plenty of times that children play doctor and explore others' bodies. Sometimes they cross lines. Sometimes those who cross boundaries had their boundaries crossed previously. The investigator will try to find out if this happened in a way that is inappropriate. Then they will try to find out if the 9 year old was also molested by someone at some point. If something has happneed to either of them at some point you want to know, so that you can get them help before they get older.
I know it's hard but all you can do is wait.
I have a child on the spectrum and he interprets things constantly in different ways than others do. However, if he outcried I would believe his perception of things and be supportive of an investigation and any additional interventions/counseling/rules about unsupervised contact requested or recommended by family services.
It's good the 8 year old outcried. More than likely something felt like it matched what the school people said about inappropriate touching. Whether the 9 year old intended it to be that way is not something we can determine. Let family services do their work. Be interested, open minded to their findings and after some monitoring they will probably close up the case. Don't tell them they are wrong -- they will perceive you as not willing to protect the 8 year old.
I hope that makes sense.
It completely makes sense,
It completely makes sense, and I was thinking the same thing. We will believe that 8yo until given papers stating otherwise. I do believe both of them need to see therapists in general, but this adds onto it. They both have issues with their mother basically abandoning them, we still don't know if she is going to show up on June 16th to take them (for her 6 weeks of summer). One of the kids actually got hurt when they were in her care (and she left them with her boyfriend unsupervised) and to this day, I still don't know if he purposely hurt him or if it was an accident. I kind of hope this process with the child advocacy center makes it so that they cannot go with her until it is resolved (she lives in another state)... the last thing they need is her brainwashing them on this issue (like she tried telling them that their father doesn't care about them, etc.)
It sounds like they may not
It sounds like they may not have always been left with the best people when with BM. I know it's hard to imagine, but I believe the child advocacy center could be a blessing in disguise to help these kids get the interventions and support they need.
I used to be one of the therapists that the CAC referred to after they investigated cases (before I became disabled). As a former foster child myself, it is my passion.