Just need to get this off my chest
DH's mother has been sick for quite some time. We were on vacation halfway across the country when we got a call at 3:30 am on a Friday that she wasn't expected to last eight hours. DH changed his flight to go back, but with the way airlines are overbooked he wasn't able to get back until about 11 pm Friday. Meanwhile, he told SD21 about her grandmother and SD was driving down (5.5 hours) to see her.
SD didn't leave until some time after 3 pm, so she would have arrived about 8:30 pm Friday. DH got there at 11, stayed about an hour (he was tired and MIL was unconscious but had stabilized). DH went home to get some sleep, SD21 turned around and drove back to her home town that same night! We all knew MIL was dying, the doctors made that clear, it was only a matter of when, and SD21 spent less than 4 hours with her and then left?! And I happen to know it was not related to needing to get back for work.
I arrived in town the next day (Saturday) with our kids, and we went with DH to see MIL and spent several hours with her. DH intended to go back the next morning (Sunday) but we got a call at 3:30 am that she had passed away.
So SD21 posts on Facebook about her grandmother's death. But get this, she's bragging about how she spent her grandmother's "last full day" with her. Lie. SD spent less than 4 hours with her on Friday, MIL lived all day Saturday. Whatever.
MIL's memorial service is this Saturday. DH and I were talking and SD21 is not coming to her own grandmother's service. Why? "She wants to remember her like she was when she was alive, blah blah blah." The last time SD21 saw her grandmother before this crisis was more than a year ago, when DH paid for SD to come down here and stay for three days and SD saw her grandmother for a total of about 4 hours because she was too busy going out to casinos and strip clubs with a friend she brought along for the trip.
OK, I think rant mostly over. I don't understand not attending your grandmother's service when you are an adult who can make it (not an underage child who can't drive and BM won't bring you). Whatever. I said, "I don't understand her at all" and DH said nothing.
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Comments
I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves and processes death of a loved one differently. It really isn't up to you to judge or determine how she should do things. Focus on you, your husband and your kids.
Let me just say I recognize
Let me just say I recognize I'm being judgmental, but I do not understand blowing off your grandmother's funeral. If nothing else, you are there for your parent.
Her father, my husband, is
Her father, my husband, is extremely depressed. So it's like adding fuel to the fire that SD21 is not coming to his mother's service. Plus also my FIL is very depressed (not eating). A funeral is not always for you or even for the person who died but for you to show support to those left behind.
Did your DH express to his
Did your DH express to his daughter his desire for her to be at the funeral?
Seems your DH has let her be pretty self-absorbed all these years and not taught her anything different, so....
I am amazed at how people act
I am amazed at how people act after a death in the family.
The only possible excuse I could think of would be your own illness, never met the deceased maybe, or have no money/way to travel, there.
I personally hate funerals and do not want one, for myself. They do not help me at all. And seem to bring out the worst in people imo.??
But that seems par for the course for this girl.
I feel your pain. SD20 could
I feel your pain. SD20 could not be bothered to attend her Grandfather (12/2013) or grandmother's funerals (4/2014) nor send condolences - not even a god damn text - but she posts on facebook how sad she is & sure accepted the car Gma left her.
Given the many situations here I have learned that nature seems to overrule nurture. I am not alone. It is not my fault. I wait impatiently for the karma bus to run her the hell over.