She is not over him, she seems to think of your dh alot.

Okay your BM is crazy and how do you deal with crazy - cut it out - only answer texts that are kid related and nothing else - she sounds like the type that if he says hello back she will create in her head a whole getting back together scenario - He needs to confront and tell her unless it is the kids - don't bother him - if he is replying he is playing into her sick fantasy games - even when he wrote back about the gibberish she sent him - it sent a message to her sick head that now he knows I have been reading a book about computers and he will start to like me again - we have something in common - for someone so abused she really should not be wanting to have any contact with DH - so this proves that she is lying - so you see CRAZY!!!!

ONLY RESPOND TO ANYTHING ABOUT THE KIDS - NOTHING ELSE!!!

Of course you are irritated by that - there is no reason for her to be contacting him for any reason unless it's in regards to the child. NO REASON for her to be contacting him in any way shape or form in regards to ANYTHING else. They aren't together anymore, they are not friends, he has moved on and with someone else there is no need for that. She knows there is no need for it, but she knows exactly what she's doing when she does it. She tries to get attention from your DH while at the same time annoying you. It's a win win for her!

I dealt with this before with my DH's BM. She would send him texts and call him constantly about shit that in no way was related to the kid. He told her that unless it was related to that, do not call or text or communicate with him at all. For the most part she listened but from time to time she sends things and it's like really lady? Come on....But DH will just ignore them.

I agree that your DH should just ignore the things that BM sends him. She knows that he doesn't give a hoot about what she's sending him and that it's disrespectful to you, but if he doesn't acknowledge her messages it's going to make HER upset and make HER look like even more of an idiot.

Seriously, I could have written some of this. Our BM tells all of her friends that FH was abusive and he's the same way as yours - computer nerd. He's certainly not perfect and he certainly made mistakes in their marriage, but she seems to have trouble grasping that a bad relationship does not necessarily equate an abusive relationship. IMO, it's very serious to throw the word "abusive" around like that.

She was never quite as bad for the over-friendliness that yours seems to be, but she was close in the past. FH doesn't like talking to her, but if it's about the kids he sucks it up and gets through it as smoothly and quickly as possible. When she's messaged him in the past and ir has been just to chat (the last time would have been awhile ago now) he's ignored her/not replied/given very short answers. It annoyed me but he wasn't encouraging it and it hadn't reached a high enough point that he could say something about it without looking like the jerk. The straw that finally broke it was after he updated his FB status to: "I miss my old hair!" because while trimming his own hair, he made a mistake and ended up having to shave it all off. *giggle* BM later messaged him and asked what he did to his hair. He told her and she replied something along the lines of "Your hair's too pretty to be all gone!" which took him aback as well as me when I heard. Long story short, he had brushed it off initially out of feeling awkward but during the next drop-off for the kids he informed her it made him uncomfortable, it made me uncomfortable, they are no longer married and it's no longer acceptable to make those kind of comments to each other. There is now a boundary there that can't be crossed, so please don't in the future. She reacted like a brat, pretty much, said "It was a simple fucking observation" and had a fit over it, but FH said "Well, it's a big deal to Synaesthete and she's very important to me." which I don't think she liked but that was the last time she said anything like that.

Nowadays it's not much of an issue - she used to call more but I think it's finally getting through to her that she can't just call up and be buddy-buddy whenever she's bored. When they do talk about FSkid matters, if FH's voice isn't light and giggly like I think she wishes it is, she asks if he's okay. He's always said yes and after I mentioned it bothered me that she just expects you to talk to her that way, he answered the next time she asked with "I'm fine. You and I just aren't in each others' lives that way anymore and so I'd like to keep the conversation quick and to the point. I don't want to be a jerk, but it's a boundary I need to maintain." She also tends to just start rambling about her day, at which point, FH will either direct the conversation back to the kids or cut the call short with a polite but clear "Oh, cool. Well I need to get some things done around here so I'll talk to you later."

It's not much of an issue anymore. She still bothers me sometimes, especially when she has her swings into random bitchiness and then the next day she's perfectly fine (usually because she wants something) but the kind of boundary crossing, this-is-still-my-man kind of behaviour has been put a stop to.

We don't hear from ours very often, TG, since she lives 1000 miles away and the kids are older (21 and 17). But sometimes she contacts DH via email or phone with news about a mutual acquaintance or some random tidbit about the kids. Then there's the drama-grams with what she considers an emergency. SS has been in and out of trouble (she's such a good mom!) and now DH flinches every time it's her. But there is no meaningful communication to actually parent and prevent 99% of the problems SS has had. But then she doesn't actually parent, so it's neglect interspersed with "oh no!"