I was on the phone with my daughter a couple of days ago and she said do you think you all could come up here for Thanksgiving.
I said I don't know what we are going to do for Thanksgiving sweetie it depends on when SO has the kids....

Oh my! Did those words really come out of my mouth. Yes! They did. I told her I needed to go and would call her back. I sat at my desk, realizing what had just taken place.

I expected my daughter to make/change her plans based on my choice to be with SO and the skids. I am blessed she loves SO and the skids, but her life and my holidays are not based on the skids. When did this happened to me. An alien life form had taken over and I was living my life based on what SO and crazo decided? I think not!

SO and I had a little chat and it went like this. Love you so much, I cannot imagine my life without you but J and I cannot live our lives based on what you and crazo decide to do about the holidays. I told him about the conversation and that I realized all this schedule trading was affecting my child. NO more.

He could either decide to take what the CO says about visitation or we were done. Every holiday, he ask crazo can we have the skids, she says no...everytime. Then 3 days, 1 day, 3 hours before the holiday she will call or text and say yes you can have them if you come get them. So we drop everything to go get them.

We do this because she is a nurse and works most holidays which means the kids would be with "door mat" whose idea of a good time is sitting on the couch watching TV. (He is old and very over weight). I need to be able to make plans, my daughter moved across country this year. So things have changed.

No more poking the bear and asking her if we could have the kids. He either takes them on the holidays when he is suppose to have them and not ask for them when he isn't or we were done. I am not living my life and making plans based on crazo. No trading, nothing!

He said he totally understood. He said he realizes that even though we say we are going to make plans the truth is we wait to see what crazo says before we do. He loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

He has a court date on Tuesday with crazo from the Christmas Eve incident last year...yes finally a court date. So while he is in court he is going to tell her. They will be strictly going by the CO, no changes, and clarifying if this is her year for Thanksgiving and labor day or his. The CO says every other year...not starting with an odd or even year. So because they have never enforce it, he doesn't know if it is his year or not. Christmas, Spring Break, Summer and Birthdays are spelled out.

Honestly do the rest of you put your lives on hold based on the skids? How crazy is that. I love the skids and when we have them, we have a great time and it is about the skids, but for now on when we don't, we will be making plans. If crazo calls and says you can have them, our response will be sorry, we have other plans.

We are telling the kids this weekend that we are going to take them as often as we can according to the CO. But crazo will no longer be dictating the schedule.

I am so glad but I am angry at myself that I almost held my holiday and daughter hostage for the skids and their crazy mother. My daughter didn't choose this I did. She deserves to have her mom on the holidays too!

It is so easy to get lost in this insanity.