Mine do about 50/50 right now. BM isn’t really around and has never “been a mom” exactly to them...

The first time I was called that I froze, literally didn’t know how to respond. Had all that “was it a mistake?” Like I literally had no clue! I talked to my DH about it. Basically he told me “well are you being mommy?” Well yeah... I’m raising them... BM ditched for her bf and drugs... “did you force it?” Obviously not... I was in a shock.

Basic consensus was that as long as they choose it. Then that’s what they’re comfortable with and that it’s okayfor them todo that, as long as I’m okay with it. Which I am! (I secretly like it LOL... Especially since DH and I are raising them and BM doesn’t even find a penny... plus any contact she has with them hurts them...)

I just think as long as you aren’t forcing it and you’re okay with it. Why not?

Interesting. My DH was raised in the same manner. “Door always open...” to others policy, although I think DH’s parents come from a place of a self-righteous need to be needed saintliness.

DH has shared that a few of his close childhood friends called his mom “Mom”. I’ll never forget the story of DH’s Mom taking in a troubled high school aged girl for a few months, though. She was the same age as DH, and he felt extremely slighted with the attention his mom gave this girl over him. Apparently MIL missed sports games and theater productions DH participated in because of this girl.

A more recent event, MIL took in her nephew’s 4 year old child for a few weeks last year, to aid him in seeing her (DSS had placed her with his estranged parents). MIL’s face lit up when she told us how this little girl was calling her “mommy”. This was in my house, in front of our young children she rarely ever sees. I wanted to breathe fire.

All this to say, no, skid cannot call me Mom. GUBM would.not.have.it - in-laws wouldn’t have it because they’re so fearful of the wrath of BM. While DH would temporarily find it cute, he would also find it weird, because skid will most likely never refer to her soon-to-be step dad as “dad”.

I come from a place where “Mom” is reserved for my own bio children. My adult DS had a friend or two that liked to call me Mom and it made my skin crawl.

Mom or Dad is highly regarded for the bio parents.

Don't care how wonderful OR how awful the parent is.

So big fat NO to Can they call you MOM.

Would you be willing to pay dad the max amount your state allows in child support for 18 years plus for his and Bm's bio child. I think not.

If it means soooooooooo much for the adult, then go to bats and make it legal. We all know that cant happen without TPR or death of a parent.

I knew someone who called her moms 3rd husband DAD. OMG she would sit on his lap and gush all over him. She was middle aged and the '3rd DAD" was maybe 70? I became ill when I heard of these encounters with him. WEIRD

Only my bio's call me mom. I would not want it any other way.

For me, I am Mom to my kids.
My kids calls my hubby by his first name
SD calls me by my first name

Here.........kids call all adults Auntie or Uncle, wether your related or not.

Prior to having a baby, we had the same moto of "if it happens it happens" and I didn't mind it when she slipped up. Like others, BM in our situation is barely around and I'm the one who's been raising SD. But now that I have a baby, I get so annoyed when SD calls me mom or refers to me as her mom because I feel like the only child I have is my boy. How dare anyone else try to compare to the relationship we have. It's awful to say outloud, but that's how I feel.

I wrote about this- its a sore spot for me- i do not expect him to call me mom, but ive been around my stepson for 7years!! I though we would be (maybe not mom) but something more buddyish by now!

He has always called me MRS.and my first name, when we got a therapist involved we started talking about changing it on his terms.

Well he turns 13 and starts dropping the MRS, only calling me by first name- mostly does this when his friends are over- i feel its a show, i am not his friend, and he cant even utter stepmom, at a certain point i was not expecting to go backwards!!

He still calls me MRS. First name, i had hoped to be in a different place but this teen sucks, he is so stubborn, im not looking for mom or mommy, but dang maybe "little momma"(im short) or something more personal by now.

His mother is not in picture she disapeared before i met my dh.

My ss has really sucked, if i was to leave tomorrow he would not care, which is really really sad.

Absolutely no. I’m on the same page of that whisper post. I’ve been my ss’s primary caregiver since 10 months old, and I’m still heavily against it. He has a mom. And eventually when I had my bs, SS started experimenting with it and I told him that bs calls me ‘mom’ because he came from my belly, he calls me Max because I take care of him and we’re family; he calls his mom “mom” because he came out her belly just like his other brother.for a six year old, that explanation was perfect. He doesn’t call me mom even now that he opts to call his mom by her real name.

I’m just Beth to my sd. I grew up calling adults by their first names, expect my parents and my grandparents. Even my aunts and uncles got shortened from aunty Cathy to just Cathy as I got older. My parent’s friends and my friend’s parents were all called by their first names or so and so’s mom if I forgot their name. I don’t see anything wrong with being called by my name as, after all, it is my name. It seems to confuse others more than it confuses me or my sd. People that are involved in our lives who try to call me sd’s mom I will correct and tell them that sd calls me Beth. Over the holidays though my mother in law and grandmother in law both kept calling me mom and that got on my nerves but things were strained enough with them that I didn’t want to correct them on that too and sd seemed to accept it.

SS15 asked if he could call me Mom (or Mum as they say here) when he was 10 or 11. I hadn't been living with us very long at that point and I think he was just confused. I explained that, even though he doesn't live with her, he has and always will have a Mum. So then I said he could call me Step Mum or Cookies. He chose Cookies and calls me that today.

I grew up with a best friend in high school and called her mom "Mom". She had 3 kids and all of her kids' friends called her Mom because she was the cool Mom. It was no big deal. My own BM knew I called me friend's mom "Mom".

However things were different. It was only my friend's mom. It wasn't a skid of divorce calling dad's new woman Mom. There was no chance of a crazy XW/BM losing her sh*t over the fact that her precious babies were calling me Mom. No danger of a Golden Uterus reigning H3ll down on my head or skid's head.

So, no, normally I wouldn't care. However, when dealing with a psycho GUBM, it matters. Plus there is far more meaning to it. I called my friend's mom "Mom" because she was cool and nice to us for the hours we were in her home. Then I went home. Far different from when skids live with you full-time and you are actually raising them while trying to keep their psychotic egg donor at bay.

Two different scenarios. Plus I'm not really bonded with and don't really even like SS15. I understand he's a child and his parents splitting wasn't his fault. I also understand that his being on the Autistic spectrum isn't his fault either. All that said, it doesn't make him any more likeable though. So I really don't want to claim "Mum" status from this skid. Blech.

I'm just Hoggy to SD. I was with somebody before who had a little boy. A few times his little boy called me Mum. BM went spare but expected him to call her boyfriends Dad. No wonder the poor little lad was confused.

I'm not Mum, I never will be Mum. I love AS but she has a Mum and even if her Mum was no longer in her life and we had full custody, I would still just be Hoggy.

NO..no child should call a step parent Mom OR Dad unless the bio parent is TOTALLY out of the picture.
Everyone here screams about DH still acting married to the BM. Because it confuses the children because "BM and DH are no longer married". But it is ok to have same child call a non bio Mom or Dad?

I think it is bad form, disrespectful to all, asking for trouble and bad for the child.

SS calls me 'mom' to BD3. They go rows because she is very possessive of me and tells her "she's my mom too!". SS and I have had many a discussion about how you only get one mom, and the word "mom" is special. Even being on the spectrum his general retort is "but you are kind of like my mom" and regardless of how many times i tell him I'm just as proud to be his step-mom, he still tosses it around every now and again. But that's not my doing-thats ALL BM1's fault and he shitty way she treats her kids.

Kid has faced enough rejection of his actual mom. I'm not about to blatantly reject him that way too. We will keep having that same conversation until he's an adult and can make his own choices regarding the matter.

At the same time he calls my mom "Aunt" because he just started doing that and he calls my dad Grandpa.

BD also calls SD7's grandparents Grammy and Papa because that's what SD7 calls them and BD3 will adopt anyone. They all love it so no harm no fowl even though they're BM2's parents.

BIL is VERY particular about titles that "aunt/uncle" are special but my very close group of friends are all "aunts" because the 7 of them have and always will be my home team.

I didn't come into SS13's life until he was 8. I told him that I didn't care what he called me, as long as it was respectful! He introduces me as his "Bonus Mom' because we both thought it sounded nicer than "Stepmom" (we blame Disney) and just uses my first name when talking to me. He will occasionally slip up and call me "Dad" which we both find hilarious but never "Mom". He told me that's because I'm nothing like his mom and I'm pretty sure he meant that as a compliment. I overheard him recently referring to me as his mom when talking with friends and that made my heart smile a little even though I know it was probably more out of convenience than anything and not wanting to go into the whole step-parent thing. We're really close but I would never push him to call me Mom - we're good how we are