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can we start with RESPECT?

ddakan's picture

Submitted by ddakan on Wed, 02/09/2011 - 9:27am

wouldn't a lot of our problems be resolved if our s/os would have respect for us? we wouldn't sit around bleeding from the torture and lack of communication. we would have a firm foothold for dealing with our situations.

i think my dh is responsible for the lack of respect his 2 boys have for me. apparently i have become the monster devil stepmother and they hate me. of course they do, they were never required to do anything else. now ss20 and ss17 use me as the excuse for not liking their dad. well, they like their dad's money alright and that is IT!

i wish DH could see that i am insignificant in this ordeal. his kids are disrespectful like he taught them to be.

Comments

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Submitted by Butterflykisses... on Wed, 02/09/2011 - 9:48am

None of you are to blame. Sadly, this is human nature. Placing blame on another is easier than accepting your own mistakes and actually LEARNING from them.

thelaststraw's picture

Submitted by thelaststraw on Wed, 02/09/2011 - 10:00am

I am evil FSF...when the FSkids are told over and over and over and over what to do and I get upset becuase they don't listen or LEARN, I get chastised.

I've even been accused of favoring my bio's because I don't yell at them. Well, guess what? My bio's ACTUALLY LISTEN!!!!

jojo68's picture

Submitted by jojo68 on Wed, 02/09/2011 - 10:49am

This is eaxctly why disengaging works...you don't turn out to be the bad guy....you just sit back and watch.

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Wed, 02/09/2011 - 11:21am

If my husband didn't discourage his kids from disrespecting me and thought he was going to take any money I brought into the house for his spawn, he would have another think coming. Thankfully, we have a joint account for bills and we each have our own mad money account. He would have to spend his mad money on the little brats and do without. I think he would grow pretty tired of that quickly. He'd be spending a lot of time at home while I was joining loads of classes for art, photography, salsa,... ANYTHING I wanted to do, AND, still pay his portion of the bills.

They only do it because you let them. Get mad and make a consequence for your husband if he allows that treatment of you. He obviously doesn't respect you either if he lets them do that to you.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Wed, 02/09/2011 - 11:42am

I am thankful that my dh does correct ss when he is blatantly disrespectful to me. We have a hard time with the passive disrespect though. The complete ignoring, referring to me as she, the things ss does when dh isnt in the room. Dh did used to have a big problem with supporting me-if ss was in teh corner when he came home-I had to explain and justify why I put him in the corner. When it should ahve been ss explaining his inappropriate behavior. This would erupt into an argument which would distract dh from ever addressing ss's original issue. This went on for years before dh finally grasped what a mess he was making of everything.
Unfortunately, I think ss is too far gone. He continues to blame me for everything-even though he readily admits that I didnt do anything he just PREFERS to blame me. He doesnt care whether it's logical or makes sense it just works for him so he's sticking to it.
I do believe my dh blamed me because he couldnt handle the thought of thinking maybe there was an issue or problem with his son because that would mean maybe there was an issue or problem with him and his parenting. He has since realized that there was definitely an issue with him and with ss-not me. But I do catch him occassionally falling back on blaming bm. Which I confront him on. Not that I am fan of hers, but when he puts all blame on her he stops looking at what things he needs to change.