Stepson Ripped from Our New Year's Eve Party
I guess is was partially our fault but it was horrible none-the-less. We looked at the holiday schedule and it seemed to say that stepson would be at our house for New Year's Eve. Stepson swore he was at his mom's house last year. We didn't hear form biomom about picking stepson up on Sat. night when he would have been picked up if she had him for New Year's Eve so we thought we were good to go.
Stepson invited his best friend over and his friend had just arrived for our New Year's party with his sparkling grape juice in hand when biomom called. She insisted that stepson was to be at her house for New Year's Eve. She didn't really care that we were having a party, that stepson already had a guest over or that she was supposed to have picked him up the night before if he was to be at her house for New Year's Eve. She wouldn't give up so my husband said that she could come get him.
Stepson was devastated!!! We had to send his friend home with his sparkling grape juice unopened. It was just a horrible thing!!! We were helpless. When our other guests arrived we had to explain to them what happened. Biomom wasn't even having a party and we picked stepson up the next morning at 10am. So she basically had him overnight and just long enough to throw a wet blanket on our New Year!
We tried to make the best of it and it turned out ok. Stepson called at midnight to tell everyone at our party happy new year. He also said that he asked to call earlier but his mom said "your dad can wait!".
Anyway, I hope everybody had a good New Year's!
Dawn
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wet blanket new years
that is just what she wanted to do.... had a similar problem last year. If you have a visitation schedule that showes he is to be with you, AND you did not hear from her until night of the party......then with you is where he should be. I have learned through past events like this one that you need everything "documented" through the courts as far as visitation goes,especially holidays & vacations. We now have a parenting coordinator,that was appointed to us through the court,to help us.Most of the time it works because everything is put in writing and planned out ahead of time. It really saved us this year. My husbands EX loves to do stuff like this. I feel for you too and your SS.Our skids are always the one who get hurt the most. And not letting him use the phone to call his dad is very frowned apon in court, and could get her into trouble, not to mention damaging to SS. My husbands EX behavior is so bad she ended up losing custody of her son. He now lives with us(he wanted to anyways) and she has limited time with him. I know that's extream, but it needed to be done. I know you feel helpless, but don't be afraid to be tough with her. And definatly get some outside help with this. Meshel
What a bummer...
I mean, man, that was just plain ruthless in my opinion... shoot, even I would have said... okay, no big deal...we'll just reschedule, swape days. Man.
Yeah, docmenting is our god-sin, I tell you. Everything is spelled out- black and white, when it comes to the holidays, and if it's not listed... too bad, too slow, you didn't give us 24 hours notice before you called, therefore, guess what... gonna have to wait til morning.
That's just awful for your SS. But you know what, he'll at least remember that you put in the effort FOR HIM, by inviting his friends over, and on top of that... by his mother saying to him... 'his dad will wait', that will just weigh more on him that his mother is spiteful.
It'll come back to bite her
It'll come back to bite her on the ass one day......sooner than she thinks...too...
RE:
In our parenting plan, it says that if we're more than 30 minutes late, it's grounds for denial of visitation. Does your plan not state something similar? I just don't see how she could have justifiably forced you all to let her pick him up so late. You might want to look at your schedule again and see what really was supposed to happen regardless of what BM says.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Nymh
That would be great if our parenting plan said that but I don't think there is anything in there like that. The ex is almost always late but in this case it was a whole 24hrs. late. I suggested that because she totally missed pick-up that he not go but my husband wanted to make sure that we went exactly by the wording in the agreement.
Maybe that is something we should get added the next time we are making changes.
Thanks for the idea!
Dawn
What she did was just plan
What she did was just plan mean to your stepson!! That happens to us all the time if we are having a function or dinner or going to a b-day party which happens to be in the middle of pickup time. We try to plan around but sometimes it happens and its just mean to the child. We had a "mix-up" in the schedule last Friday. Ex emailed 1/2 an hour after pickup to say Where were you? I quess you dont want your children blah blah blah!!" So my ex calls her and she hangs up on him and emails him that all communication must go in emails. It was almost like a set-up. We were not even supposed to have them but made us look like the ding-dongs. She could of just called from the exchange point which is 2 miles from our house. But she likes the drama. We ended up going to get them that night. If she wants to give them to us on her time then fine with us.
I know how you feel and it sucks! Your SS will see that his mom is an ass and will resent her later
Dawn
So sorry to hear how the Grinch keeps on truckin! She is really mean. I'm very sorry to hear of this. Please give you little boy a big hug from me. My heart just breaks for him! I don't know how his mother just doesn't love him!
Candice