Ss has lost his scholarship!!
Ss18 got a full tuition scholarship. He had to keep a 3.5 GPA. The first semester he told us he was getting A's. I was happy because I didn't have to deal with his lazy, video game playing, sleeping all day, ass!! We also had zero contact with Bm. Yay!! All was right with the world!!
Then he joined a fraternity. I was against it. Stepson is easily distracted and I knew his school work would suffer. I was over ruled. Dh didn't protest much, even though he had reservations too.
The first semester grades came out: A,B,B,C,C. Not good!! Not horruble but not enough to keep the scholarship. So heads were spinning and plans were made. Ss18 would have to retake the C classes and get all A's the second semester.
Ss18 waited too long to try to get his schedule corrected and one of the classes he needed to retake was full, however he already dropped a class to make room. More scurrying to figure out what to do.
New plan. Now he has to get A's in all 4 classes that he is singed up for in the 2nd semester, we have to pay out of pocket for a retake online durning the summer and he has to convince a board of appeals that he is an A student. All to keep the scholarship and stay at this school.
Once again he tells us he's getting all A's up until the last 3 weeks of school. The story then was he might get a B in history. He was asked if he was sure because we needed to decide if we should still pay for the summer class which costs $1,300. If the grades are too low and he can't keep the scholarship, then it doesn't make sense to pay for that retake.
Final grades just came out: B, B, B, C Are you freaking kidding me!? Does he think this is a joke?! He can't even tell us the truth!?
So now it is down to this. We (Dh not me) will have to cosign on some big loans in order for Ss18 to stay at that school! Where of course he will remain in the fraternity and continue to choose fun and partying over school work! On the one hand, I don't want Dh to do it because I don't think we should put ourselves on the hook for a kid that can't even be straight with us. On the other hand, if he has to go to a school close by, he will live here and then I'll have to deal with him again 100%!! I don't think I can go back to that. I've seen how it can be when he is away.
I hate this!!!
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That suck...HUGS!
That suck...HUGS!
Gosh that sucks! Maintaining
Gosh that sucks!
Maintaining a 3.5 GPA in college is tough even without the distractions.
Who paid for the frat? My
Who paid for the frat? My son was courted by these frats and I said no. If you want to, get a job and pay for it. He didn't want to so he didn't join. One even gave him a $500 scholarship to join. He deposited it and didn't join.
My answer is do no co-sign anything. We are not supposed to do this. He can do it himself. He lost the scholarship, he can figure it out. My son has the same stipulation for his. 3.3 GPA. He managed to get a 3.34, keeping the tuition paid in full. He was panicking and he was in constant communication with me on it. I have his login and password and can see his grades. He knows that if he loses the scholarship, he will take out a loan to cover the difference. I pay everything else.
You need his password and you need to not pay any extras. No spending money for alcohol.
My parents co-signed a
My parents co-signed a student loan for my first year of college... which was a disaster. I was barely 17 going away to school. Yeah, you get the picture. The university strongly suggested I look into alternatives for my 2nd year.
My parents said, "You're on your own". I scraped up enough money to go to community college for a year, taking 20 semester hours each semester plus working, to try to make up for the classes I failed my first year. Because I wasn't 18, I couldn't get a loan without a co-signer so I had to pay everything up front with cash.
My third year when I could get a loan I did so, moving into my own apartment and continuing at a different university full time.
I ended up graduating with honors (whew!!). And I was very grateful to my parents for crossing their arms and holding firm on the "NO". It made me appreciate things a lot more than if they'd helped me out.
When Ss found out that he
When Ss found out that he could get loans (if we cosign) he actually had te nerve to tell me he would rather get the loans than have to stress out about his GPA the rest of the four years. I pointed out to him that that is a lot of money.
Now in hind sight, he wasn't even CLOSE to getting the grades needed!!! I just keep thinking that this kid has no clue!!
However, Dh and I are NOT on the same page. He wants to do everything possible to keep him in college.
I just suggested that he should start paying his own cell phone bill and Dh had a fit!!
I am trying to get him to get a summer job because he spent ALL of the money he had on the fraternity!!!
Yesterday he spent ALL day texting and playing video games. That's it.
I told Dh that we are sitting him down and having a serious talk. Now I have to come up with what to tell him. Dh would just let all of this slide and let him keep doing what he's doing!!
Why can't Dh be the one on top of this? Can't he see that this kid needs a serious wake up call!?
Are there any trade schools
Are there any trade schools near by? Lots of kids, particularly males, aren't really college material and are more inclined to be interested in welding, etc. which makes GREAT money in productive states like North Dakota, Texas, etc.
If you are married and he
If you are married and he signs those college loans, you are responsible. This would be grounds for divorce for me. Sorry, but no one is affecting my credit rating. Not even my Biokid. And he is a good student. I may co-sign for him but, I would rather be broke now and pay for him, than co-sign a thing. Thankfully he just secured another year of his tuition.
You could divorce your husband and live with him and then he can sign his life away with those loans.
As far as the armed forces
As far as the armed forces goes, I just listened to a recruiter on the radio the other day and he said only 20% of today's high school graduates are eligible. Most of them can barely read or write at a 6th grade level never mind a 12th grade level and certainly they are unable to pass physical fitness tests due to constant junk food eating and vid game addiction.
I can believe it judging from the BM in my case's progeny. They pull grades like F, F+, F-, D every.friggin.year and are reading 7 grade levels under where they are supposed to be. As far as physical fitness goes, all three are huge and towering; headed toward gastric bypass due to constant feeding of junk food, processed food/fast food and couch potatoism.
My DH and I both made the
My DH and I both made the same mistake of continuing to pay for our kids' college (my DD and his DS) when they each proved repeatedly that they were not serious about being in college. Poor grades, dropped classes, wayward friends. But at the end of each semester there were heartfelt promises and tears, and DH and I (and my ex) each individually gave in. College was simply an expectation of them and we refused to see what was in front of us.
Biggest mistake ever. DH is still paying off parent loans and will be well past retirement. SS dropped of school and is currently in a drug rehab facility. Doing well, and we are hopeful, but this is his second round of rehab. My DD has successfully completed community college and will be enrolling in a university to complete her bachelors degree (but I'm not paying for it). She is 28 and late to see that college is about education and future rather than parties. But she has matured and I'm very, very proud of her.
Your SS threw away a fantastic opportunity. Which means nothing to him now. His dad's job is to show him his mistake, and that is NOT by picking up what the scholarship would have paid for. That means no consequences for SS and he'll go right on partying with the frat and making Bs and Cs if you're lucky.
Doesn't mean SS needs to live with you. Part of this is learning how to be a responsible adult and he can get a job and a small apartment and go back to school when he has the money to do so.
No kidding, don't pay for one more thing and do no co-sign for loans.
Judging from Dawn's comment,
Judging from Dawn's comment, the kid managed to pull B's and C's with the stress. He wants the loan in order to "remove the stress". That to me is a bad sign. He pulled good grades because there was some pressure there, but if that pressure is removed...Ugh. That's a big red flag to me.
I agree with this too. I am
I agree with this too. I am going to add that to my list of things to discuss.
This is true. The grades
This is true. The grades aren't awful. However he is only in freshmen level classes. When the classes start getting hard, then what? Dh told me, it's not that the classes are hard or not, it is that Ss just isn't interesred in the gen ed classes he has to take. Well that's tough. That's college. You still have to make the grade, interesting or not!
We had a talk tonight and
We had a talk tonight and told Ss that we will cosign for next year. We told him that we think he is partying too much and not studying enough. He claimed that his finals were what killed his grades. Hmm, maybe because he went to parties the weekend before finals. He tried to argue that he studied as much as he did in high school. Hahaha, then that's not nearly enough. He was here 99.9% of his senior year. I maybe saw him study twice!!!
So bottom line, he will have to keep at least a 3.00 or he will be looking for other options.
And he needs a part time job to pay his fraternity fees. He still owes $300 for the last semester.
And he will need to get a part time job when he goes back to school.
We will not take out a parent loan like we did for this year.
So we'll see if that all gets done. This is his last chance to get with the program.