SD10 has Covid and I'd rather not be exposed too, thanks.
I'm kind of having an "Am I the Asshole?" moment here, guys. Last night on my way home from work SO texted me that SD10 was no longer going to a girl scout event because she wasn't feeling well. He also said that BM (who has SD right now) was exposed to Covid at work so she was going to test SD and herself. Sure enough, SD has covid. BM does not though and has tested negative. SO and I are both negative and symptom free. I asked SO what that meant for the rest of the week. SO said, "Well, she's supposed to be here tomorrow." I said, "If she's got covid and then comes to our home she'll expose us too. I really can't afford the time off if I get sick. She should really stay at BM's and quarentine there until she's at least testing negative." SO asked what BM was supposed to do with SD when BM had to go to work. I said that she could figure that out. BM lives with her adult sister and both of her parents. I'm sure one of them could keep an eye on SD or care for her under this circumstance.
Like, am I the asshole for not wanting to be exposed to my stepkid who has covid? I'm at high risk for getting it and I'm immunocompromised. There are people who could watch/keep an eye on SD without exposing anybody else. I also regularly visit my mom and my immunocompromised step dad who live with my 80+ year old grandma. I'd like to keep them safe as well.
SO made it seem like I was a monster for suggesting that BM figure this one out instead of us taking SD for our time. I mean, if the situation were reversed and she was sick at our house I know for a fact that SO would be taking any and all PTO to take care of SD. He'd drop whatever he had going on to make sure she was taken care of at our house without exposing BM or any of her family. But the SECOND I put my foot down to protect MYSELF it's like, whoa, hold up not cool. I'll also mention that SO is between jobs right now. Last week he got fired from his job. Last one hired, first one fired thing. So he's not working right now and if SD comes over and gets him sick it really won't effect him or his ability to work at present. But you know, f*** me and I can figure my own stuff out, I guess.
SO did not come to bed last night, either but we had a seemingly normal evening together. Trying not to read into that too much because he does often fall asleep on the couch but he usually comes to bed at some point. Who knows? I have a feeling it doesn't matter what I said last night because he'll be doing whatever he wants, which likely means bringing SD to our house tonight as planned. I bet you all a pumpkin spice latte that I'll get home and find SD on my couch watching TV with her daddy and giving me the stink eye.
- daisydiamond82's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
She should stay and
She should stay and quarantine where she was when she was tested. Leaving the house means putting anyone and everyone else who comes into contact with her (wanna bet he'd take her for icecream before coming home?) at risk. Seems like common sense to me. And, like you said, it's not as if she'll be alone at home. He'd be an idiot to take her, especially since you're at risk?
The chances are also that, as she was tested because she didn't feel well, she probably feels like utter crap tomorrow and won't want to come.
PS
Who's vaccinated and boosted among all of you?
I should have mentioned that
I should have mentioned that all of us are vaccinated and boosted... BM and her household are vaccinated and boosted as well.
Nope
You are not an asshole. Your DH is. We've some how managed to not catch Covid yet and I would be livid if my DH even thought it was wise to have a SICK WITH COVID kid in our home. Anyone, for that matter. It would NOT happen. If he's insistent, then let him get a hotel room for visitation. Then he can add in 4 extra days to make sure he is not bringing it back to your home. I swear...this StepHell BS infuriates me. Covid can be serious. While my DH and I are vaccinated and boosted, I still don't want to catch it and can't wrap my head around these bio parents who are willing to risk other's health over a damn visitation time frame. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. Wow.
Wowza
Your DH is the dick head, period. To have little concern for you. To have your health potentially threatened because SD reigns. To have more concern as to how BM will deal overrides health concerns. Crappy. This tells you whre you stand. So DH is out of a job huh? You would think the person, his wife, who helps carry him through matters? WTF is wrong with this guy. Sounds like he has guilty daddio where skid comes first at ALL times. This is the time where YOU matter. Covid is no joke, especially if you already have health conditions.
NOPE.
If he does bring her over can you leave and stay with family and friends.
THIS for me would be a hill to die on.
You deserve far better than this dangy crap.
Blessings
NTA
He's being one though, insisting on bringing someone to your home who has Covid. Common sense would say SD needs to stay with her mom since she's with her. BM could very well come up positive for it too. You're immunecompromised. Why does he want to risk getting you, not to mention himself, sick? I had my issues at times with my SS'S BM, but even she knew you don't send a sick kid somewhere, even to their other parent. She actually wanted to take care of him when he was sick. What mother doesn't? You couldn't tear me away from my two kids.
I'm just recovering from my second bout with Covid. I feel a bit weak and have some fatigue. It's not as bad as my first round with it was, but I still would not wish this scrap on my worst enemy. I developed symptoms one year to the day, on August 27. It's becoming a yearly tradition that I don't want.
This would be a line in the
This would be a line in the sand thing for me. Absolutely she would not come, and if he insisted, I would leave - quite possibly for good.
NTA at all.
NTA at all.
YSK got COVID right before school started. I'm pregnant and don't need to be coming down with it. YSK stayed in their room for 10 days and wore a mask when they came out of their room (usually to refill water or go to the restroom). OSS was here for summer break, so he stayed in his room, masked when around the rest of us, and would make a plate and eat in his room. DH and I wore masks around each other, sat at opposite ends of the couch, and tried to limit contact as best as possible. No one but YSK got COVID, miraculously.
IF your SO is going to be THAT much of a d-bag and take SD, then he and SD need to quarantine in her room. Everyone in the home needs to mask. SO needs to text you when they leave her room so you can quarantine in your room (and this should be only long enough for him to get them food/drink, use the restroom, shower - not to play around and take over the living room). When masking, it should be KF94 or N95.
Or, if you can, go and stay with your mom for 2 weeks amd really consider if this is the relationship you want to stay in. I know most folks don't care about COVID anymore, but it is still very serious for certain groups of people. You're in that group. Protect yourself first.
Update
SO texted me a bit ago and said the plan is to bring SD to his parent's house since they are away for the next month, and let her quarentine there until Monday. You know, honestly don't hate this plan. It gives me like 5 days at home alone without either one of them. Cherry on top of my sundae is that I'm dog sitting this weekend for my parents dog and he is a delight. So, even though this is a super shitty situation, this weekend isn't looking so bad for me.
I'm just very, very glad he is not bringing her to our home.
Well.. after he exposes
Well.. after he exposes himself.. he needs to stay over there a few extra days to make sure he doesn't come down with it himself.
You are not the AH. BM should keep SD. BM should take off from work. If that is putting her in a financial bind.. perhaps your DH could offer to SHARE the lost wages.. she would have.
I have been vaxxed.. had covid 2x. My YSD has been vaxxed and boosted.. has had it THREE times.. and when we got it at the same place? she actually was sicker than I got! Being vaccinated is not likely to prevent you from catching it. it "might" make it less severe. .but who knows. .maybe the variants now are less severe... the vaccine may be doing "nothing". It certainly is no justification for "hey.. we are vaxxed.. we can be around people with covid".
So.. he can go quarantine WITH his child and stay away until he is sure he didn't catch it himself.
This ends the problem now
But you have a bigger problem. Your DH. Taking care of sick SD is preventing him from looking for a job. And he putting SD before you. There already enough peopke already exposed to take care of SD at BM house. There no need for this except BM also comes before you. Time to rethink this relationship
I missed the job thing.
I missed the job thing.
That would add a few questions.
1. Is this the first job he has been fired from or quit? is it a pattern of unstable employment?
2. who is making his child support payments if he has any.. and picking his slack up financially while not working?
Because him getting sick now could delay his ability to find another job by a couple of weeks.. right now he DOES have a job. Finding another job!
Seriously so many countries around the world state
If kid is covid +ve or subject to isolation requirements, they isolate fully in the home they are currently in. They do not shuffle to another house especially when covid +ve and infect another household
if you catch covid because your partner is being selfish and stupid, is he reimbursing you for lost wages? Of course not!! He'd tell you to suck it up and stop being selfish.
sd needs to remain in her home because she is covid +ve and must observe isolation requirements in her current residence.
this is a hill to die on. You are the only one bringing in an income to pay bills etc. if you lose your job because you get real sick, so many bad things can happen. Your husband needs to think realistically
I feel like everyone on here lives in my house!
My wife wanted to get my ss into a camp. I think most of it was because the neighborhood children were doing cool stuff throughout the summer and she didn't want ss to be left out. That's another story. He ended up getting COVID. We started off just leaving food outside of his room but his mom couldn't help but read him a story. "He's so alone up there." Next thing you know we all got it including the baby. We couldn't put the baby down for 24-hours and we had to cancel a trip back home to see my family. Long story short, keep to your guns and don't budge. Your husband can play Disney dad when she feels better.
Yours is a classic example when a parent is too guilty to think
Straight. Oh but the poor kid all alone with no understanding what happens when she now puts you all sick over stupid reckless decisions and now you had a baby sick and couldn't be put down for 24 hrs straight and your situation was avoidable
its all fine until you're intentionally made sick and have to care for a sick kid
Exactly! I would catch her
Exactly! I would catch her going up stairs and reading and cuddling. When the baby got it I was pissed. He cried and cried all day long. We had to take turns sleeping in a chair with him. When all she had to go is leave his little ass upstairs. He knows how to read! And he had nerve to say our baby was faking it! I got his ass told so fast!
This is why I love this site!
This is why I love this site! Bio parents are dumb sometimes!
Stand strong, she quarantines
Stand strong, she quarantines where she got it so no more people are exposed. That's just common sense. Guess her mom is going to have to take some time off...even if mom doesn't have it she could be a carrier and was directly exposed, so should likely be quarantining anyway.
You are absolutely not the
You are absolutely not the asshole.
DH and I have covid, right now, for the second time in 4 months. Yes, we are vaccinated and boosted, it still SUCKS.