Went OK....
DH did come over last night. But....
Well lets see...He was suppose to be there at 5 didnt get there till 5:50. We started talking and eatting dinner since dinner was ready for 5:30....I asked why he was late and he said dont ask. I took that as of course SD issues. Then we ate talked and after I was done I brought up text....
His response was "what?" I said how did she get a text last night at 11pm when you took her phone from her at 8pm. "ahhhh I didnt even think of that"....Are you kidding me....Do I look stupid, seriously....He said well I did take her phone but then her BM called her and she calls from her cell and since BM pays that bill I cant take the phone from her. But the laptop is just for homework and she knows this. So my ? was where is the laptop? He says in her room... :jawdrop: So in other words there is no punishment for her wonderful text to me....Do you want this to work or not? He says of course I want this to work. I am doing the best i can. So we got into a little tiff.....and then calmed down and went into living room to watch some TV together. I started talking to him again about 7:30 and when i turned he was sleeping...REALLY?????? Sleeping????? I tried to wake him but thats a joke. So at 9 I went to bed. He wakes at 4:30 so at some point he came to bed but I must of been sleeping. He kissed me goodbye and tonight I am supposed to meet him for dinner at his mothers so we can have dinner with SD....I agreed to this before last night....Guess what? FUCK THAT!!!!! I am not. So today he will get a text not comming....I have no idea what to do with this....I want this to work but am afraid its not going to.... 
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I see this going nowhere
I see this going nowhere sweetie. He has no boundaries for his daughter and he would rather blow off you than upset her (or so it appears).
I would tell him that you need another 48 hrs to think about his explanation... Sorry cannot make dinner tonight. My son needs me.
I have time for you on Saturday.
Then find a counsellor who can fit you both in next week. Couples only, not family because you cannot drag his daughter along because again, it will all be about her.
When DH was getting stupid about his sons I reminded him that when he promised to put me before all others in our marriage vows that did not just mean other women, it meant EVERYONE including his sons.
Have you seriously thought
Have you seriously thought about living apart until SD graduates and moves out of his house? DH and I did not marry or live together for 8 ish years because of step situations. He wanted to, but I was NOT going to jump into that mess.
It actually worked out great. I know we would have divorced if we got married before that. She is 16 so he still has her for a few more years. It is still his kid and I would almost guarantee he knows she is a screwed up kid, but he is going into defensive mode right now. Let him raise her by himself for the next few years and maybe he will step up to the plate and stop screwing his kid up.
I think right now, you both resent the other. I advise to take the pressure off.
Just a thought.
Willow 2010...I like that
Willow 2010...I like that idea....I actually like that idea alot....Dont know if DH would go for it but it is a thought. They will not be comming back in anytime soon I can tell you that...
you said he agreed to
you said he agreed to counseling. how is that going?
We only went to one session
We only went to one session of therapy so far and went well next one is next week...
THe thing is, like you said..
THe thing is, like you said.. baby steps. There is no moving to the next step until one is accomplished and stands the test of time.
^^^^^"stands the test of time!!!!""
i like this process. i wonder if the counselor is helping you two come up with a process to get back together? i know my dh would hear this sort of thing from a counselor better than me.
that or what willow said...live separately until sd moves out. LOTS of couples have had to do this and even more divorced in the heat of the moment and just wished they'd lived separately until the kids moved on.
but like smdh said, sounds like sd will be a lifer! :sick:
I doubt she is going anywhere
I doubt she is going anywhere in 2 years. I see her with her daaaaaaddddyyyy until she is 30 at least.
Daisy, I am so sorry. I feel like he is TELLING you he is trying, but he really isn't. He is doing what he has always done. He is talking to her about it. Talking hasn't worked so far, why does he think it will work now?
And really her BM pays for the phone so he can't take it? Um, if SD here comes with a cell phone that her mother pays for. I will take it if I choose. SD lives with him full-time. He gets to decide if she gets to have a phone. And telling her she can't use her laptop, but leaving it in her room is like giving a toddler a cookie and telling him and her not to eat it.
I don't see where he's made any real changes other than showing up (late). He's not addressing her incessant calling and interrupting. He is not addressing her very rude and inappropriate text. And she hasn't changed. AND he LIED to you about her punishment.
Daisy I dont know where to
Daisy I dont know where to start. Am so annoyed for you :O
This man is LYING to you all the time, on top of constantly making excuses, putting his child first all the time (while treating her like she is made out of glass) AND he is NOT taking you seriously.
I cannot believe he told you "oh I didnt think of that..." so evidentally all he is doing is ensuring he is covering his rear whenever he is trying to demonstrate the improvement in how he manages his daughter. So whatever he tells you imo you cant trust.
I have to be honest with you and honesty can be really hurtful, especially when I know you love this guy and desire this to work with all your heart.
TBH you are far more patient than I, even when dealing with your sd. Her crying fit of apology smacked of excuse and was a pity party, which lets be honest your DH is nuturing with his coddling her like she is this small helpless thing. All he is doing is disabling her from formulating her future and a real life with her peers!
Definately only see a couples counselling. Like hell do I think family therapy is a good idea as it WILL only be about sd, and lets be honest she is only part of the problem. Your DH's inability to maintain healthy boundaries and relationship with his daughter forms a MASSIVE part of your marriage breakdown.
Your DH is showing you how seriously he is taking this and it seems he may be getting complacent about actually changing. In fact I would go so far as to say he may be enjoying (to a degree) the fact he isnt in an environment whereby he has to contend with his DD competing for his attention with you. He gets to see you, have fun dates and is able to cover his tracks of his broken promises.
All this guy wants is for things to remain as they are. This recent episode communicates his lack of commitment and his poor choices...that he would rather lie than be the man you deserve.