Urgent advice needed- divorce settlement
I'm hoping someone can advise. My OH met with his lawyer and BM and her lawyer today and they got him to sign a divorce settlement. This is only regarding custody time with his children. Well they all signed it and when he came home he showed it to me. It's so unfair towards him and in her favour. I'm stunned my OH and his lawyer need to take the paperwork to court for the judge to stamp it next week. Can we stop this decree? Can't it be renegotiated?
Please help, we're both sat here in stunned silence. And yes I've ranted at him for signing it and not taking 24 hours to read it.
help??
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I totally agree with you.
I totally agree with you. They did exactly that, they agreed to change the wording and then only changed a few words to still leave it in place. My poor OH feels sick at how he was railroaded today.
We're calling his lawyer first thing and he's emailed him a few hours ago. I hope we can get it altered. I have a horrible feeling it's legally binding. But it's not a court order yet.
God I didn't think I could hate BM more but today's brought on a new level of hate for her.
Oh I don't want more time but
Oh I don't want more time but the settlement says that we have to ask BMs permission to take the kids 'out of town' and we have to give her a detailed itinerary of everything we do with the kids. Of we can't take their cell phones off them and OH has to give BM his monthly work schedule the moment his work give it to him. She gets both tax exemptions and he can't see the kids on his birthday. Oh and he has to pay all BMs GAL fees.
These are just a few points that are there. I don't want the skids more (we've just turned down 50% visitation) but I certainly don't want my OH having to report to that f%#king bitch when he works etc. BM's going to use it to control him as if they are bloody married all over again!!
Oh my. Those two lawyers
Oh my. Those two lawyers certainly set DH and BM up to spend the next x years back in court. Depending on the details depth of each section the couple examples you gave are left up to interpretation. 'Permission to leave town' , ok, so what does leave 'town' mean? Example: I can drive through 4 'towns' and never leave my 'city' aka metro area. Or one could look at your CO as you literally can't drive across a street leaving 'town' A and enter 'town' B even though the two towns have a mere paved street between them.
"Complete itinerary" sure. As DH I'm going to view that one as 'Im going to x state to x city to vacation in and around Disneyland and vicinity, flight leaving Monday x month at 7:05am, arriving 10:32am and returning blah blah blah'. There. Done. That's my itinerary. Not so 'bad'.
Work schedule? Did the Signed document give BM first rights to refusal? For BM to 'need' to know when DH is working would generally mean she took rights to have the kids these days each month over say, DH leaving them with you or a babysitter. That's not so unusual. Many parents put this in as a two way street giving both parents this 'right'. Visitations are for parents. Example say DH works Friday and Saturday evening 3 to 11pm and every other Sunday 7am to 3pm with scheduled visitation Co reading visitation Friday starting at 4Pm through Sunday at 5pm. Technically the kids would be spending all but Saturday during the morning and part of afternoon with a selected caregiver other than DH aka the guy they're suppose to be visiting. BM would be able to have 'first right' to be that caregiver during those working hours over you or a babysitter.
Sit down and have DH/you review what he's signed and jot down areas of concern. Then he can pick up phone and/or email his lawyer and ask for lawyer's interpretation and actual clarification of section along with foreseen loopholes in it. What he's signed may not be as terrible as you currently believe to the depth you believe it...or your Dh signed the agreement from hell and he's got no one to blame but himself. No excuses. He had every right legally to have taken time to read the written copy pre-signing. He had every right pre-signing to ask for mods and or clearer language on this or that. He may still have time to bring forth say a section that has indeed been miswrote from verbal agreement to actual written form of agreement.
Unfortunately I went over the
Unfortunately I went over the contract last night and highlighted all the parts which were unfair and less than Rule 17. This is the worst thing, my OH is a solid upstanding citizen with a good job etc. The GAL recommended him 50/50, as BM is so controlling and manipulative. But this settlement is actually less than the minimum a bad father would get in court. Even an criminal or ex drug dealer would get visitation in this state of Rule 17.
But this document gives my OH less than that and it puts in personal controlling measures which will have OH reporting to BM every month on his whereabouts. It says we cannot take the cell phones off the kids, the skids use the cell phones to report every minor thing to BM 24/7. This enables her to kick off at OH on a daily basis when he has the kids with him.
Her wanting his schedule is so she can only offer him parenting time when he works. The courts pulled her up on this over the last few years as she would give the kids to anyone except their father when she couldn't take them. To get around this she offers OH the kids when she knows he's working and unable to take the kids. OH has never asked me to look after the Skids and he always makes sure for his EOW visitation he is available for the kids.
It states he only has 2 weeks summer vacation with the kids and he has to take it the first half of summer. It states he can't see the kids on his birthday or theirs unless it's during his regular scheduled EOW visitation.
These are just a few examples of what's in it and how BM has personalised the document to control OH and everything he does with the kids.
Sounds ridiculous, and his
Sounds ridiculous, and his attorney was there??? And read it over BEFORE he signed it???
Sorry, I don't know your court system but that sounds completely screwed up and your OH should not have signed it.
We're in Ohio. BM's
We're in Ohio. BM's incredibly controlling and vindictive, this decree is heaven for her. I can't believe his lawyer let him sign it. The stress from the divorce has made OH ill, he was in hospital having a procedure on Monday and we're anxiously waiting results from that. I'm damn sure without that he would have hesitated to sign.
BM's going to have our vacation itinerary over my dead body and she can take us back to court. See what the judge says when she tries to make a case out of 'they took my 9 year olds cell phone off him and they won't tell me what they're doing every day of their vacation'!
If I hadn't read the settlement myself tonight I would have thought it was an April Fools joke.
We're close to Dayton. Ohio
We're close to Dayton.
Ohio state laws are normally quite fair in custody cases. But add a few lawyers and a BM and they'll soon change that.
Oh well, I guess BM has fuc4ed my poor OH one final time! I just wish his lawyer hadn't stood by and let it happen.
We'll find out in the morning if he can change the settlement.
My SO (sig other) attorney
My SO (sig other) attorney was in cahoots with BM attorney. By the time we had it figured out, we were screwed. Found an amazing attorney who helped us, but those initial filings can seal your "doom." Get a new lawyer -- fast! Preferably one out of your area as they all belong to the same Bar ASsociation, Golf Course, lunch at the same restaurants, etc., etc.,
The GAL fees are split 50/50
The GAL fees are split 50/50 between both parents. My OH has been fighting to see his children for years. The GAL was brought in to prove BM is using the kids and is not parenting them properly. She has had several arrests for her drink driving and even arrested ad charged for being drink and disorderly at a children's theme park at 4 in the afternoon. She uses PAS on the kids and always tries to stop OH from taking the kids to see his family, they live 2 hours from us. She hates the kids having fun with their cousins etc and had gone to great lengths to poison the kids against everyone. We've managed to undo a lot of but it's an uphill struggle as I know most of you know. OH had never picked up the kids late or dropped them off late. He's stuck to the rules religiously. This court case was to finalise the divorce, it's been ongoing for 4 years.
"This court case was to
"This court case was to finalise the divorce, it's been ongoing for 4 years."
This is why my DH just rolled over and signed an agreement that, if you can believe it, was even more unfair than the one your OH signed. The upside? His divorce only took 1.5 years to finalize. It wasn't worth it. She still didn't go away even after getting everything she wanted.
Get a new lawyer. That part
Get a new lawyer. That part about the schedule to her right away and having to tell her everything is a recipe for her to meddle in everything you do with the kids. As for the cell phone, you have every right to take away a cell phone and as it becomes a problem with teens and it always does, you have given away all your power.
This agreement sucks...Get a new lawyer now.
Still waiting for the lawyer
Still waiting for the lawyer to call back but I don't hold out much hope for turning this around.