I wish I could write a letter to BM. I wish we could find that common ground. I wish I could dig deep in myself and not get so angry when she pulls the dramatics she does. I will never send it but here goes....

Dear BM,

Where does it end? When can the two of us stop complaining about the other and finally lay out on the table what our expectations are of each other? I know that as much we are different that we are at times the same. Maybe our constant need to get our point across has closed our minds to each other's views. I think you've misperceived my intentions along the way and maybe I'm guilty of the same. I've come to the realization that a future with (DH) requires a co-existence with you. In the midst of all this there are 3 pairs of eyes watching and listening and I think they at least deserve for the two of us to reach a truce.

I am a mother too. I know that neither one of us are perfect at this task. We are both flawed and we both have different ideas regarding the same. I'm sorry for all the times I stepped on your toes and thought you should've handled a situation different. It wasn't my place or my right. I probably would've had the same reactions as you had you criticized my parenting skills of my boys. I know that you are being the best mother you can and because we are diverse, doesn't make you wrong...just different. Those little girls are remarkable so you and DH have to be doing something right.

I also can understand that my presence in your children's lives is a difficult reality for you. I also respect your need that I not be so enmeshed in their day to day life. I don't need to be. If I make you uncomfortable at their school functions and extra-curricular activities, I won't go. You should be able to enjoy your children and if I have that affect on you, I don't want to be the cause of your ruined mood. I'm willing to take a step out of the loop. They will always want you there more than they would ever want me and please know I wouldn't want it any other way. But hey.....it's okay that they love me too. It's not comparable to the unconditional, God-given love we have for our mommies, but a unique bond that a child has with a stepmom. I also want to extend to you that I am willing and able to help when needed. On your "in case of emergency" list for the girls (even if I'm dead last and notated with a "if you absolutely can't get a hold of anyone else") I'd like it if you could have that faith in me. I care immensely about their well-being and would be willing and able.

We as women always seem to be riddled with insecurities in many aspects of our lives. I bet you that even Super Woman thought she looked fat in her spandex some days. So whether it be my very own ridiculous insecurity, I must ask this of both of you and DH. Increase the distance. Give each other some breathing room. I used this tatic in my own divorce and I think it worked wonders for the friendship that he and I are able to maintain now. I think that your parenting relationship as well as your personal one would benefit vastly if you were able to heal from the wounds you've inflicted upon each other. I think everytime you forgive DH for past arguments, another has risen because of your constant contact. Even if you could only do this to nurse a desire of mine to limit the negativity in all our lives. Maybe wait until Sunday nights to unload your frustrations of the week on him and I could make myself scarce to let the two of you hash it out. Or do you have an even better idea? I am so open to any kind of suggestion that would allow the two of you not arguing on a day to day basis. I know that this isn't always the intended outcome, but a lot of your conversations end this way. It's stressful for all of us, including all the little ones.

I hope that in the days, months, years ahead that you and I can forge a better relationship of some sort. I would love for you to compile a list of expectations for me to attempt. I know it may seem like an impossibility, but this worn out girl is so willing to bend. We're both hard-headed and it's what makes us extraordinary, but it's also seems to be what makes us clash. I also know that the path to hell was paved with good intentions, but please know that my intentions ARE good and I'd like to stop all this paving business I seem to be doing.

Respectfully,

Colorado Girl

I'll never send it, but I feel liberated writing it. Thanks for listening....