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Yep I'm still here

Chmmy's picture

Submitted by Chmmy on Sat, 11/21/2020 - 7:19pm

My 4 step kids live with us full time. Oldest SD21 is at college. It's hard to Nacho when they never leave but I do my best to only get involved in things that directly affect me and my household...which is almost everything but I pick & choose my battles anymore. I have bit my tongue for weeks to keep the peace. I now have discovered that SD18 and her boyfriend 21 that mostly lives here 6 nights a week and is alone in the house when SD goes to work...anyway they shoplifted from Target. It makes me uncomfortable that they are here alone often or worse he is alone with me. He's creepy, quiet and keeps to himself but he is a loser. He stole a pair of earrings for her and she was well aware he did it because she was looking for them. I dug through her garbage, found the receipt just to be sure. Not paid for of course. When I confront my husband with info like this somehow it gets turned around to Im the evil stepmother but I'm struggling to allow this behavior from 2 adults who live in our home and have access to everything. I tested the waters by informing him of a small infraction by the middle school boys. When he started turning on me, I walked away and kept the info to myself. I don’t know if Im asking for advice or venting.

Comments

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Sat, 11/21/2020 - 8:18pm

I know you really didn't ask for advice, so I'll ask a few questions instead. What are you getting out of this relationship? How does being with DH and his 4 kids make your life better? Is there a possibility your life would be improved if you were not with him?

For what it is worth, I think you should put your foot down and insisit that creepy boyfriend is not there when you are there alone and that he starts paying rent.

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Sat, 11/21/2020 - 10:15pm

This situation just keeps devolving...have you become numb?? Because reading this is shocking...most people in normal situations would find this all shocking.  Trust me I get it the longer you are mired down in the thick of it the more normal it seems...stop letting them drag you down into the dregs and think this is all normal or okay.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 11/22/2020 - 5:56am

I think fear is keeping you there - have you figured out what that fear is about?

Kick the loser boyfriend out. Disengaging doesn't include not feeling safe in your own home.

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Sun, 11/22/2020 - 8:00am

Bf/gf or future spouses live in our home!! Thats just a major boundary issue for our intimacy. 
 

if you're an adult with a bf/gf, then move out... they don't get invited in!! My husband loves our intomacy too much to let skids friends or future significant other hang at our home regularly and never will they sleep over

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Sun, 11/22/2020 - 8:07am

My recollection is that you're planning your exit and getting your ducks in a row.  I'd try to accelerate that process.  You're wasting your life in this horrid situation and it's only getting worse. 

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Sun, 11/22/2020 - 9:09am

OP, does he give you money? Have you been looking for a job? Jobs are available, even with covid? How long is your "exit plan" going to take?

Sorry for the bluntness, but at a certain point it becomes your own fault... you can leave. You just don't want to, for what seems to be "money".

Peach's picture

Submitted by Peach on Sun, 11/22/2020 - 1:27pm

I agree. Get out!  He is not willing to parent his kids, and there are extra people living in the house besides them.  No way!