I agree, it can be very negative. I quit posting when SS PAS'd out because it was tiring to read about how much people hated their skids and wanted them gone when all we wanted was to see my skid again.

I think it's helpful if you can learn skills for dealing with it, but the endless dwelling in miserable situations doesn't help anyone.

There are drawbacks to the site - as you say - one gets angry.  But it is nothing for me personally, compared to the sense of isolation I felt when I thought that I was a horrible person for not loving two children who behaved vilely to me and whose father did not have my back in dealings with them and their awful mother. 

I will admit that I have gotten caught up in a negativity feedback loop myself more than once.  And it can be hard to break out of.  But I second the sentiment that it pales in comparison to the comfort of discovering that you actually are not a borderline abusive child-hating monster and that what you have been feeling is perfectly reasonable when dealing with a Disney Dad, entitled skids, a GUBM, or a combination of all of them.  Most of us have no SM in our immediate circle in real life and even if we did it is risky to be completely open about such personal issues.  Who hasn't had someone "leak" something said in confidence, either by accident or after a falling out, that has really caused a problem?  It only takes that happening once before you become pretty cautious about what you disclose that could come back to bite you.  Here the anonimity allows for a freedom of expression that simply would not be possible without risk.  

EDITED TO ADD:  Plus there are some women on here with seriously wicked senses of humor and there is the occasional OT thread that lifts my spirits and makes me laugh like a loon.  I can't tell you how much I treasure those!!!!

I've had the same feelings. It makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone, but I sometimes wonder if it causes me to dwell on the negative of my situation and the step situation in general. 

I find venting here helps me be less irritated at home. Instead of arguing with SO or SKs which at times is pointless.  I can say my peice here and then get in with my day. It also helps to know my feelings are normal, because there have been times I questioned my feelings or reactions. Its nice to know you're not alone. I do not personally know any stepmothers. Other than my own mother, who raised my oldest brother and I watched that nightmare every day growing up. He tortured my mother and our father.

I am fairly new here but have read ALOT of people's blogs/forum posts. From what I read there is a good mix of people being honest (because they are total strangers) with positivity ways to go about how to disengage, verifying feelings etc. to know we are not alone. I feel some "words of wisdom" though are way easier said then done. 

I have seen myself getting angry for other posters as what the have to deal with skids and BMs (whether it's a DH/SO issue or not) I don't know how some of them do it. My situation isn't as far as bad as others and that has given me personally some happiness I suppose. I have disengaged from my SS16. We don't speak unless very rarely he will ask me a question. I wish it wasn't like that but it is what it is. BM still craves attention from my SO once in awhile (she's remarried) but it comes in waves and really not that often. Don't get me wrong, I still get pissed every time it's happening though. 

This site does help though make me feel not alone. (This is huge for me)  I don't have anyone to talk to in a situation like mine. I have plenty of friends and stuff but we all know no one understands unless you live it. That's for sure!! 

Same!! I feel like maybe I annoy people here with posts about the same thing over and over.  But I still feel validated and not judged

But when I get angry at home I come here and post which leaves me even more angry!!! Angry because reading here means I'm not alone and it's clear that not much will ever change.

Grr!!!! At the end of the day I'm thankful for a place to vent!

There are times when I get too amped up from reading the posts here and become high conflict. I assume the situation in my life is playing out as I have read them play out here so I jump the gun so to speak.  I usually take a break when that happens then come back when I can be more objective.

I think this is just a bunch of people who happen to be step-related to people on the lower-functioning end of the bell curve of humanity. Frankly, a lot of the situations I read make me appreciate my skids more. Are they perfect? No. Are they horrible? No. Are they completely normal? Yes. Is much of the problem due to parenting by BM and DH? Yes. Do I feel better reading that it's not just me who wants to knock their spouse's and the ex's heads together? Yes.

I have found that I need to pick and choose the posts I read. I start reading and if it's getting too nasty or is starting to make me feel anxious, I just stop and move on.

I'm older than most of the StepTalkers, my 5 BKs & SKs are in their 50's now & all out of the house.  But I'm still processing feelings of love, hate, betrayal, exasperation, etc, - all the things we experience.  It has been quite helpful to have words to describe my situations, like Disney Dad, mini-wife, PAS, disengagement.  When I blog, I'm trying to come to peace with it all and its working!  I agree that reading some of the posts can be harrowing.  I say, bless this site, it's doing wonderful work.

This site has helped me to set boundaries without guilt. It has also helped me manage my expectations and learn how to choose my battles (namely identifying that my hills to die on are privacy in the bedroom and boundaries with BM.) It's helped me to realize that my SO's past choices present an unusually difficult situation and i'm not a monster for having some issues in dealing with the fallout. It has helped me realize that he has and continues to grow and make changes, compared to some of the a-holes others are with. It's also helped me be a better BM in that i recognize some behaviors in my kids that a stepparent would not so easily overlook, giving me a chance to fix their behavior too.

 I'm not yet officially a step but i do stay at SO's house every night that he does, and i'm hoping to resolve the deal-breaker issues and become a full-fledged member of the club. If i had married him and moved in before discovering this site, i have absolutely no doubt i would be in step-hell right now! Sometimes i do get angry reading about some of the horrible situations people here are in. Fore-warned is fore-armed, though. At least nothing will come as a surprise in the future. 

I agree sometimes reading a persons blog can trigger a memory for me and then it gets me all worked up and upset again. Usually those are the days I don't respond because I know my responses will be colored by my own frustration and not helpful.

I have learned I enjoy this site because it keeps me grounded in perspective of what I went through. I also like keeping up on some posters stories, some I truly feel for and am rooting for them, others it's more like reading a trash magazine and I just want to see the new gossip.

TBH, that's why I'm here.  I have a long history of being too forgiving, to my own detriment, and I need the reminder to not let Toxic back into my life.

But yeah, it does get depressing sometimes.

This site was a game changer for me; I was miserable and had very little control over my life regarding the step situation, marriage with steps or circumstances steps.  I was not happy and considered divorce--.--never understanding what was really going on all around me -which I had zero control.

This site became best  the therapist in town for me.  The posters here are experts, for better or for worse. They had the experience to guide me into thinking more positive and planning proactive action steps in order to make my marriage a better place and create my own happiness.

And, most importantly; I did finally realize I was not alone, and patterns of this sickness cut deep and leave horrible scars.  I learned to protect myself from the enmeshment and move on with my life.  But I credit many of these skilled posters for their assistance, guidance and coaching!

I get what you are saying, but to be completely honest with you. All I ever wanted was to have a decent relationship with my SS, along with my DH to respect me as another authority or role model in my SS life. In which, none of that has happened. I was the outsider always looking in, I was the one who saw thing both BM -and DH never saw when it came to SS. He is being raised as enabled, spoiled, entitled little monster! I was the only one in SS life who wanted to see him have some decent structure, responsibility, manners and respect for himself and other. But no one cares. He gets away with everything and I bet it would include murder! But, when I found this site I felt like I wasn't alone. I seen so many men and women whom have done and do so much to be apart of skids lives and or life. Try so hard to make it work and balance and etc. some go above and beyond YET just to get shitted on and disrespected! I have gone onto FB once and made a vent in a group chat and honestly I was bashed for venting about my DH and SS, you can't express how you feel on any other place but here to have people understand what it is that ya STEPPARENTS do and have gone through! No one understands AT ALL! Although somethings can be negative but most are positive and sometimes entertaining and I do feel like there was light at the end of some of the tunnels.

Since then I learned what it was like to disengage and I have! It felt so good to back the hell out of the shit storm and not want to deal with SS and have his father deal with him. DH finds it exhausting and sometimes looks to me for advice and I seriously don't tell him anything, I tell him I don't have any advice for you he is your son and whatever you want to do and how you want him raised is up to you and his BM, go ask her for advice! I'm no longer here to assist with the upbringing of a spawn child! 
 

my life has been so peaceful since disengagement. I don't worry if his kid is on video games from morning to night, I don't care if his son doesn't do any to no school work (e-learning), I don't care if he even eats (his father can feed his picky ass). I don't pick up after or clean up after him (I make DH do it).  I use to go above and beyond for SS and DH knee it. I make his rear his child in my home. There have been times DH get mad when I tell him to clean his sons room, clean the toilet from piss all over the seat, wash his dirty stinky clothes, pick up his plate and mess he makes around the plate, and etc. But you know what I do I tell him HE IS YOUR SON, if your mad that you have to do these things then go be mad at your son because he doesn't. Show your son how to clean up, lift the seat to pee, and etc. if you don't care to do any of that then don't bitch at me for telling you to do it for him. You made this child and he's your responsibility to raise him to learn these things and if you chose not to it is YOUR responsibility to pick up right after him, NOT ME! I use to be the maid, the cook, the atm, the gift giver, the laundry mat, the chauffeur and etc. But since you fee it ok to raise a child to think he has authority over me and continue to be disrespectful in my home- well you deal with it. I tried way to hard and I refuse to have my light dimmed because of them or SS. 
 

So in retrospect, I come here a read the stories and know I'm not alone. Because I can't go anywhere else. People are super sensitive and don't get what we (us stepparents) deal with or go through just to try to find happy mediums and or just plain sanity.