I've come to two conclusions: I'm not crazy, and I'm not a bad stepmom. It is one thing to take on other children and care for them but this child has serious issues and I am TIRED. I have two skids (SD who is 12, and SS who is almost 10) who live with us 50/50 on an Every Other Day schedule. DH and I also have a BD2 together. The problem is....I have a serious problem developing any relationship with my SS. At times, I find myself not liking the kid at all. I, however, have a great relationship with SD. For the past 4 years that I've been in my skids life, I have tried to be fair and equal across the board with both skids. I have done equal amount of activities with both, I've participated in school programs etc. For whatever reason this isn't clicking with SS and I though. For a while I've been beating myself up, thinking that I'm just a "bad stepmom", or that I'm a horrible person because I just can't connect with him. It didn't make any sense to me....On paper...I should have the issue with SD. I mean, SD looks exactly like BM and sounds like her too. SD tends to butt in and try to be a coparent. And DH and I have a Bio daughter. But yet, SD and I are ok. Don't get me wrong, SD can be a pain in the butt (like any normal kid stuff), but SS has a way of upping the ante.

SS is the poster child for entitlement. He believes that if he yells, screams, whines or bullies loud enough, he will get what he wants. At his mothers' he has no restrictions or discipline. He TELLS his mom what he's eating for supper, what toys she's buying him, what social activities he's participating. He attempts that same behavior here. When he realizes that he can't get his way by demanding things, then he throws fits. Overall, his behavior is atrocious. He screams at us, he steals things from others, and he lies. But the scary thing is that he is GOOD at lying. He can be caught red handed at something, and will look solidly at you and deny it. He blames all his behaviors on others. If he blows a fit at the dinner table (think throwing things, yelling etc) and gets sent to his room, it is thus my fault or DH's fault because WE didn't make the right food for supper. I have reached the point where I do not allow BD to be alone in a room with SS because I do not trust his behavior. When she was a baby, he went over to her and pinched her nose closed and covered her mouth (right in front of DH and I) to "see what would happen."

I think the biggest problem here is that I am left to be his primary caregiver, as both BM and DH work jobs that keep them gone for days. DH and I have tried to get him into counseling, but BM has blocked us on every effort....stating the only way she'll allow it is if she sits in on every session and she picks the therapist. I am a therapist and trust me, this will totally defeat the point!

DH is supportive, but our options are limited. I have reached a point where the guilt over not being able to help this kid and feeling dread when he's here overwhelms me.