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For those of you w/ Bio kids w your SO is balance possible?

Catlover's picture

Submitted by Catlover on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 1:34pm

I find myself angry and saddened that BD (1) is growing up in an environment filled with chaos and drama; all of it filtering in from skids/bm. I see all the crappy behavioral issues the skids are bringing into our home (compliments of BM) and I worry that BD will pick up on these things. I know raising kids is difficult enough, but to have BM even slightly impacting my daughters life just ticks me off to no end. I grow tired of having MIL spoiling skids because their parents divorced. DH believes that all three kids should be treated equally....and I agree...to a point. I really don't have a problem with HIM treating them equally, but I personally think that as a whole that is fair. For example, DH believes that we should provide the skids all with 50.00 a month for their savings account. I personally believe that the skids should get 50.00 and BD should get a 100. My reasoning is that the skids have another household (BM) who can provide additional resources for them. DH and I have reached a tentative "agreement", in that HE provides them all equally, and it is up to BM and I to provide anything additional to that.

So I guess my question to you is.....Have you been successful in balancing the skids with the Biokids? How do you deal with those BD vs skids financial issues w/ your SO?

Comments

lostinwisc's picture

Submitted by lostinwisc on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 1:46pm

I am having a similar issue I just can't seem to get resolved... I feel very much like you. Our 3SK's live in another household most of the time and get there needs met there. I don't feel like we should cut BD short to share everything evenly with the SK's when they are here only every other weekend. I just wanted to give a computer to BD as a reward for some great accomplishments in school and DH said no becuase we can't put one in the SK's rooms and they will feel less important when they are here... I think the SK's need to understand that they are important but we are on a budget and we use our money for the people that live here, and the rest goes to their mom to get them what she deems fit. But DH thinks that is selfish.

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

Submitted by Wicked.Step.Monster on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 1:54pm

but my DH is not my perfect son's biodad so it gets tricky. However my perfect son was also my parent's only grandchild for 15 years (they now only have perfect son & a 2yr old granddaughter) so anything I felt perfect son needed I 'let' my parents get him. Nothing DH can say to that!

Catlover's picture

Submitted by Catlover on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 1:59pm

Are you in Wisconsin?.... I am in the southeastern part of the state

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

Angel's picture

Submitted by Angel on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 1:52pm

is that I was VERY protective of my own children. I wouldn't allow ANYONE to hurt them. I even stopped dealing with my grandmother because she could be hurtful to them-------I made sure they NEVER met her.
If I would keep my children away from their own grandmother, I certainly wouldn't allow any "stranger" @itch hurt them either emotionally or physically.

Catlover's picture

Submitted by Catlover on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:01pm

I've already laid down the law to DH that if the skids become a threat emotionally or physically to BD.... it will be his choice...us or them. Sounds harsh, but no way is my daughter going to be in a harmful environment.

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

Selkie's picture

Submitted by Selkie on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 2:21pm

The last time she was here she got my DD14 drunk, smoked cigarettes with her, taught her how to give blow jobs and hand jobs, then ratted her out to my FH. All in the name of making life miserable for DD and I. This was after my giving the skids another chance to redeem themselves after being verbally abusive, stealing DD's things, and generally behaving like horrible little brats to both of us.

NO MORE. DONE. FH can visit her on his own, away from us.

As for balancing out the finances, it took awhile but FH finally sees that this is why he pays their mother CHILD SUPPORT. I will not have my daughter do without just so his kids can feel "equal".

melis070179's picture

Submitted by melis070179 on Wed, 06/10/2009 - 3:06pm

I have this issue with the savings bonds we do. My oldest son's dad gives him $400/yr in savings bonds, and his mom also gives my oldest (her grandson) another $200/yr. My family gives to both my kids equally. So that means my oldest would have $600 more a year in bonds than my youngest (with my DH) So we do not buy my oldest son any bonds, but we buy my youngest $600/yr to equal it out. We do this because they both live with us full time & will know what the other got. My dad buys SS savings bonds at xmas & bdays, my mom doesnt (she's only met him once & apparently doesnt consider him a grandchild, so fine) So he only gets from them. We do not buy him any either, because we pay cs on him and he doesn't live here, so he doesn't know anything about them anyways. So I guess BMs son will not be equal, but we make it equal for the kids that live with us. But when a kid doesnt live with you full time, its pretty much impossible & not fair to give to them all equally since some of the kids have 2nd families contributing too. Its complicated!

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"