Hard time letting go.
So me and future wife got into it again last night over her son18. I am still trying to get over what he called my daughter who is 8 on FB. For you that do not know he said. "Why does a 8 year old little girl need a laptop? I don't even have a laptop. Fuck you Bitch!" Now she got her laptop for a birthday gift before we moved in together. SS18 was given the choice to get a OK laptop for Christmas or a really good one for graduation....he chose graduation.
Anywho...I am still very angry that all he got was a talking to and not one ounce of a punishment. I told GF that I would have delted his account or banned FB from him for a very long time.
Whenever I am told that she has a concern with something that my daughter has done I jump on it right away and take care of it. Even a couple months ago my daughter said something very disrespectful about SS18's quality of work when it came to dusting. I jumped right on it and made her go to bed early.
Why is it a double standard? Why should I punish my daughter when her kids get away scott clean all the time? I sometimes feel that I should just shrug my shoulders when ever there is a concern and not do anything about it.
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At first I was going to but
At first I was going to but his mom stopped me and made me promise that I would not touch him. Funny thing is that during a conversation all of us had after he made a very disrespectful remark about my 18 year son. I said, nice I will be sure to let him know that and when he is home in August I will let the 2 of you talk that one out.
now my son is 18 and very big into the respect thing. He also has trained in MMA and out weighs SS by at least 45 lbs.
I told his mom that I told my son and I will keep my promise, but I cannot promise my son will not touch him.
I like it!
I like it! }:)
You punish your daughter
You punish your daughter because you want her to grow up to be a decent person. Your SO clearly doesn't care how hers turn out.
We have the same problem in my house. Skids, particuarly sd9, can act up all the time and Dh never wants to deal with it. But I am on top of bs2 and I follow through ever time. Is it fair that the 2 year old is held to a higher standard than the 9and 10 yr olds, no. But I am not going to stop parenting my child to the best of my abilities simply because Dh doesn't want to put in the effort with his.
You punish your daughter
You punish your daughter because you want her to grow up to be a decent person. Your SO clearly doesn't care how hers turn out.
This is an excellent way to look at it. Quit worrying about "fair" and continue doing the right thing by your daughter. At 18, there isn't much to be done to correct the poor upbringing SS has already had.
That is true and I take
That is true and I take everyone's advice to heart. I am not perfect nor have I raised a perfect daughter and a far from perfect son. I did the best that I could with what they wanted to conform too. The payoff for me was when my son who is 18 came up to me and said "I now understand why you did all of the things you did and I agree it is what I needed" He then apologized to me for everything that he put me through.
I can not sit there on my couch and watch that kid still play on FB and mooch off me and his mom without giving anything back.
Yes, I told his mom that the
Yes, I told his mom that the day that she goes and drops him off at college is the day I go into his room, pack up all the stuff he left behind into boxes, tear down his furniture and put it in the garage. His room will be turned into my office/play room.
He is no longer welcome back in my house.
I know this entry is forever
I know this entry is forever old but...your SS18 and my SS18 sound like they were separated at birth. I sit and watch him play on FB all the time too. Sits and plays on his computer, eats whatever he wants and has no repercussions to anything he does.
I have said ^^^ this exact same thing too. When both SD20 and SS18 move out, neither are moving back in, ever. Time to cut the strings and make them stand on their own feet, pay their own bills!
Yeah, that would not go over
Yeah, that would not go over well with me either, but I don't know what you can do about it if his mother does not take it seriously.
When SD18 was about 15 she posted on Facebook (on an open account) that she would call me a cu&t but the word is too good for me. When I found that, I was furious. She also said bad things about DH, but not nearly as derogatory as that. What did DH do? Drive the hour to her town and "talk to her." Which resulted in, he says, her apologizing to HIM for what she said about him. But I sure as hell never got an apology, and evidently that "consequence" was sufficient for DH. Um, does anybody see the consequence here? Because I sure don't.
I agree no consequence was
I agree no consequence was there. I told SO that if my son would have done that I would have deleted his account on the spot. She is upset that I looked in his FB and said that I am not his parent and I should not have snooped. I told her that it's my house and it is my job to ensure that nothing that is inappropriate is occurring in my house.
I gave her the analogy "Sorry officer you would not have found those drugs in my car if you would not snooped" "Sorry IRS you would not have found that I cheated on my taxes if you would not have snooped" Where is the accountability now a days?
I am left being very passive aggressive toward everyone so i can get a little of my voice heard.
I would have punched his
I would have punched his lights out and then made him and his mother get the hell out of my house…but that is just me. WOW. She did NOTHING?!?!
He's jealous of your daughter
He's jealous of your daughter and seriously you should have punched him in the mouth & dealt with the mother later.
My 18 year son will deal with
My 18 year son will deal with him when he comes up in a couple months. I made a promise and I never break those.
Throw some boxing gloves on
Throw some boxing gloves on both of them and make sure your son beats him silly. Sorry to hear your SS is such an ass. I deactivate my kids FB whenever they put up any stupid shit. They know better now.
I wish it could happen like
I wish it could happen like that but SS is too much of a p*ssy to ever raise his hands. All he does all day is play on FB and pokemon....yes I said pokemon.
But he's man enough to call
But he's man enough to call an 8 yr old girl a B huh....Man his ass up CaptLou. Does he work? I know he's in HS but does he have a part time job?
When he is here I told him
When he is here I told him that he is not to touch him for the comment that he made about his sister, I will handle that. He is pissed about the comment that SS made about my son.
I have not taken away his FB or done anything that resembles a consequence. I left that up to his Mom and she has failed. Only thing she has done is talked to him. To me that is not a consequence.
I am stuck in a very hard position, between love and respect. I love my SO very much and I do not want to lose her, but what do I do just shrink in the corner and do nothing? I told her last night that this is the very first situation that I have ever been in where someone has disrespected a member of my family and not beat their ass. (I was a Marine for 8 years and a prison guard and a bouncer. So yes I can handle myself)
My son does not live with us, he is 18 has a full time job and lives on his own.
We pay him for chores, if
We pay him for chores, if money was not involved he would not get off his ass.
Now don't punch him unless
Now don't punch him unless you are prepared for divorce! lol. But, I would make it clear to EVERYONE...if he does that again, he will be out of the house. He is 18.
Were engaged, I love his mom
Were engaged, I love his mom dearly. We are awesome outside of the house. When we are in the house is when it all comes crashing down.
We have a appt on Wednesday
We have a appt on Wednesday to talk to a counsler. I told her that I am laying everything out on the table. No holds barred and see if there is anything that we can come to that she can stick to.
I get it but I know what ever
I get it but I know what ever condition we put on it will not be followed through. I have received so many false promises that I have serious trust issues. I have told her that I feel like all I am getting is a bunch of lip service to appease me. But this one I am not letting go.
Hmmm, I would tell your
Hmmm, I would tell your fiancee that if it is open season on insulting little girls then her son has some serious issues. Come in. The girl is 8 YEARS OLD! And she doesn't have a problem with it?
She needs to woman up and deal with her son. And as awesome as you are without the kids around the sad fact is you DO both have kids and they WILL be in your lives for some time. So this jerkoff thinks he can bully an 8 yr old? Sheesh!
And yes, report his arse to Facebook. If he has a problem with it tell him he can come and take it outside like a MAN and not picking on little girls. Although if you COULD post a response on his site like ..."Dude, the girl is 8 yrs old. If you are jealous of an 8 yr old girl get off your butt and get a job and buy your OWN laptop." And post it late at night so some of his nightowl friends will see it before he can delete it. If his mother complains about you 'snooping' remind her that as long as he is using your internet connection he WILL not use it to abuse your daughter.
Sheesh!
All I can say is that if
All I can say is that if something is done to my child or me in my home, I will not go through the parent. I will handle it myself. I don't care what the consequences are. I'm grown, I don't tell on them and expect the parent to defend me (SO has shown no consistency in that) so I will handle it myself. Next time, handle your business. Deal with the future wife consequences after. Maybe then he won't f*ck with you or yours anymore.
oh, and that dusting incident would be the last time I teach my daughter that she has to be respectful to SS18. She'd just get her talking to and I'd go on my merry way.
One thing I have learned, if you aren't going to handle your children in MY home, I'll do it for you.
^^^^Yup, true that! ^^^^^^ A
^^^^Yup, true that! ^^^^^^ A long time ago my SS would pick on my BS. I get it, my son is a pain in the butt. But one day my kid came crying that SS had hit him. I walked right into SS room and told him that if he ever touched my boy again he'd live to regret it. Today, SS19 and BS14 are tighter than glue. I handled it, I didn't even say boo to my DH. My kid, my home, I resolved it.
I can honestly say that I
I can honestly say that I have learned my lesson on this one. I will now just react take care of it and then deal with it later. If they don't like it GTFO.
So I told SO that since he said that about my daughter, what is the next thing he will do? I told her that I don't trust him to be in the same room or even look at her.
Yep! GTFO is right. Good for
Yep! GTFO is right. Good for you!
Yes and he was pretty pissed
Yes and he was pretty pissed off. He lives in Florida and we live in Ohio. So until August he has to sit there and think about what SS did.
SS is supposed to graduate H.S. in June but with a failing Algebra grade who knows. I asked SO about it last night and she said she has no idea if he is passing or if he fails if he will graduate. I asked her what plan B was and she said she has not thought of it. I looked at her and said "This is what happens when you just sit on the sidelines and don't monitor your children."
If he does not graduate, I told her that he is to pay 1/5th of the rent and utilities including food.
I can't believe she didn't do
I can't believe she didn't do anything. That's disgusting. As parents we should monitor and make them erase anything that is not right to have down. Kids who have no bounderies end up not being able to deal with real world.
I told her that he is going
I told her that he is going to write something about the wrong person and he is gonna end up in the hospital or dead.
When we were dating they were
When we were dating they were great kids who never gave me a shred of disrespect. Even when SD15 would out of mistake call me dude, she would look down and say sorry. So I really thought they were not that bad. SS18 was 17 at the time and yea he needed some guidance and we actually got along for awhile. I was shocked that he wrote that and it showed me another side of him that I never knew that existed. He has shown me that he can smile to my face and then talk shit about me and my daughter behind my back.