"In this life, we have to make many choices. Some are very important choices. Some are not. Many of our choices are between good and evil. The choices we make, however, determine to a large extent our happiness or our unhappiness, because we have to live with the consequences of our choices."
James E. Faust

It has been an up-and-down few months for us outside the stepfamily. DH's Dad died in Feb, then a few months later his Mother became seriously ill. He is caring for her 3-4 days a week at home, not an easy job.

Meanwhile, DH and I have put our house on the market and moved into a static caravan at our (beautiful) building project. SS (19) is living with his girlfriend at the 'show home' we are trying to sell, and while I don't resent this (he is a sweetie and very hard working), I somewhat resent cleaning the house after him every time we have a viewing! He does try and keep it clean, but it also means we don't see him much any more.

However, SD (16) seems to have left the mortal coil of rationality altogether. After a few weeks with BM on holiday, she came to us to get back into our 'week on, week off' rotation. Obviously, we are now on 'permanent holiday', set up in the van. This is really quite luxurious, so we set her up a bedroom and television, made sure she had wireless. Do you know, we had an absolutely lovely 3 days - she was helpfulness itself, happy and chirpy. She went back to BMs early saying she wanted to get some work done before college started, fair enough. I hugged her goodbye, said 'thank you for all your help, it's been lovely'. She smiled at me and I found myself thanking God that finally, finally we'd cracked it.

A call came the next morning from BM. 'She hates [me], [I] have been criticising and being nasty to her, she never wants to stay with us again'. I was so upset I just cried my eyes out, I have never been so wounded. I even sent her a message saying 'what Dad has just told me has hurt me more than anything' and heard nothing back.

DH texted every few days very neutral texts 'how is college', 'how are you'. Light conversation was maintained.

Yesterday she sent a text; 'pay my phone bill now'(!!!). DH said 'why should I' (good for him) but this unleashed all sorts of comeback, including 'you don't want me to stay with you' and 'you're not fulfilling your rights and responsibilities as a father'. I know where the latter came from, as BM is trying to run down her current boyfriend (who she had an affair and a child with). Is this all from BM (who has run herself down into the ditch, spent all the money from the divorce and now on benefits and after a council house)?

I have just about had enough of my SD, I am so tired of being hurt and psychologically played. I have been running through my head all the things I want to get out with her, but I think a confrontation is what she wants. I am sure soaps and drama programs have a lot to answer for...

Once again I am 'breaking through the instincts' and telling DH to welcome her back with open arms. I will not be spending any emotional energy on her, not giving any love - or it will just hurt again when it's thrown back.

To complicate matters further DH has an older son from a previous relationship and he isn't speaking to us either (as we bought him a car which has since broken down). SD and him are having dinner around BM's place (not his mother, she has told us she is not happy with him), all of them running DH down.... lovely SS (19) tried standing up for him and ended up just walking out.

At the end of the day, we have moved upwards from DH's old life. I have a good job, we have an amazing place we are renovating, we are thinking about trying for a baby(!). I will always offer his children love and support; but there comes a time when, if the love isn't wanted then they have to make their own choices. We have to be strong and enjoy our love, be grateful for all the amazing things we have and live our lives.

I hope I can reach out and help some of you who are going through a similar process. We are emotional punchbags for our SKs, but as I see it if we can take some of the pressure from our SOs then we are helping lessen the load for them.