I talked to DH about the situation. I said since my stroke (1/16) I felt like DH has allowed his son (12 1/2) to behave very poorly. I thought we were making progress but now we are right back to him crying like a baby, him kicking the car seats, demanding all the talking time, running to his room, constantly crying "bullied" etc. And I understand that I am tired, I can't steer family activities, help support him, help with meals, etc.

I also acknowledged I've been leaving on the midweek evening visit & told him why, the volume & energy & obnoxious level has been over the top for me. I told him the swearing is too much for me. DH says, I tell him to stop every time. I explained for this child, that OBVIOUSLY isn't working.

I alerted him to his daughter who is your typical corner child, who is so use to never getting attention but begs for it, dresses like a rodeo clown & wants you to watch her write her name at age 9. And her teacher complains that this is a MAJOR issue in class. it's gotten worse since my stroke bc I am not able to be "there" I'm just not. I'm trying to get better & they (mainly the boy) are really hard. She has also gained a significant amount if weight, begun eating her nails (beyond biting) she never bit her nails 2 months ago. There's been a history of sexual abuse in family. I would bet money something is going on for these changes. A counselor is involved. But she won't talk bc the one time she did there were huge consequences from bio mom. (But the day will come & she will eventually talk so we keep taking her)

I told DH that it's too much on me. That I need him to manage the children & to discipline his son or I would continue to pull away that it wasn't a matter of choice, but need. I just can't handle it. It's too much. He didn't agree. I asked DH if he believed his son got in his mom's car & began kicking seats & crying & behaving In that way? His response. I asked him what was wrong with his backpack & where was the other backpack. I just sat there blinking & breathing. He said my name a few times. I looked at him & said, "who the fuck cares what was wrong with his backpack? He was kicking my seat! He was swearing! He was crying! He's nearly 13 fucking years old. Pull the fucking car over. Sit there. Say, calmly 'stop' repeat it calmly until the lil brat stops. Then give it 30-60 seconds & say 'you may not & will not behave that way now or ever.' If he utters a word say 'no we are driving home in silence, we are done.' Then when we get home you can figure out what is wrong & he can punch a punching bag if he needs to let out some steam, but he doesn't kick a seat & sure as hell not my seat with me in it!"

He thinks I'm over reacting. I don't have any more words. My kids are not allowed to act this way BY ME. & not by DH also because he sees me not allow it so he supports what I've established with them... Since they were 2. I have NOT allowed them to kick my seat since their legs could reach it. Duh.