My MIL is completely disrespectful & pushy & inappropriate. I have a problem with 98% of the things she does & says. Frankly that 2% might not be accurate. Bleh. After a week of over-the-top ill behavior I had been pushed too far & requested my DH & I sit down with her. I also requested DH dad, her husband, be there also. We set out a list of basic boundaries, bc she obviously doesn't know how to act. My DH was offended by her behavior, but honestly he would continue to allow it if I wouldn't have had a breakdown over it. He has over 40 years dealing with her. Accepting it. Ignoring it. With that said... I am not her mom. If she doesn't act appropriate I am not going to call her on every single thing & discipline her. The line is: 1. Did her behavior effect the foundation we have created for our family 2. Did her behavior upset not only me (cause that's a given, hence the 98%++ described above) but did it upset another family membe. If the answer to those 2 questions is YES. then MIL needs to be told. Told. That's it. I don't need for her to UNDERSTAND (bc she is not capable, I'm convinced) I don't need for her to ACKNOWLEDGE what she said or did (she would deny, lie or justify anyways) She doesn't need to COMMIT to not do it again even. I just need either my husband or I to say "Hey MIL when you asked beautiful wife if SD could stay longer, after I had told you no already, & you asked her 4 times, in text, on the phone & 2 times in front of SD & she told you No all four times & you told SD in front of beautiful wife that it's not up to her but it's up to daddy bc beautiful wife is not her real parent & doesn't make decisions, that behavior caused a problem for fragile, confused, in the middle of custody shit SD & that behavior is not okay & if continued you will be invited into our lives less & less." THAT'S ALL. So... This happened & I told DH this needs to be addressed. I said either I could do it, or he. He said he would. It's been 5 months. She has texted twice. DH dad has texted, called repeatedly. DH has taken a few calls. MIL is upset, wanting to see us & kids. DH told his dad what the problem was. He was aware. He was there when it happened. They want to just come back into our lives like NOTHING ever was a problem. Because well he also doesn't really see a problem with it. BUT AGAIN... I'm not asking that anyone see the problem. DH says he's enjoyed the break & likes not seeing his mom or having the constant conflict with her pushing her way into our lives. He did say he keeps putting it off bc he's said if either parent blames me, he is done with them. He won't continue to hear it & we have contention with exes, that's a HAVE to situation, his parents are not HAVE tos. This was news to me the other day... 5 months into this in-law sabbatical. There's been a big push to resolve things recently... Because holidays are here & MIL favorite grandchild (or kindered spirit as she calls it) their bday is soon. While DH is extremely supportive of me & totally gets that his mom is ridiculous, I feel like DH would like me to pretend to not be bothered by her behavior. He recently asked me if I thought her & I could have a normal relationship. After having a mild to moderate heart attack, I explained that we have never in the four years had a normal relationship & asked him if he was calling normal before I told her I can't take her invasive, divisive, intruding behavior? He said No. Just wondered if I thought it would be normal. I told him how could it be normal when she does these abnormal things. He agreed. I did say I would like it to be more casual. Bc it's very intense. I always feel like I'm going to throw up when she's around or just the mention of her... I didn't tell him that part. I'm big into identifying MY part in things. But honestly I don't see anything I can do to change this. Be firm. Be clear. Be consistent. Other than that... I can't pretend I'm not bothered by her crazierthanfuck actions. What else CAN I DO?