A dear friend of mine just got married. She's an older woman. They had a private ceremony. Very well off. Having a reception. I do not have my children on that date. DH does. My DH has only met this friend of mine a handful of times.

The reception is 2 hours away. I tell him I emailed her that I received the invite & that I am going. He says he has the weekend off, bc he has kids & he is looking forward to going. I tell him I'm not sure if kids are welcome, that I will email & ask. BUT really what I meant was 1. I can't handle 4 hour round trip with your kids 2. I will not be at a FORMAL wedding reception with your kids, I can hardly handle Taco Bell. (No shit) 3. I don't even think the kids have "formal" or "semi formal wear" SD9 has a holiday dress, but SS12 only has jeans (not tan pants even or nice shirts or shoes, etc) AND I AM NOT WILLING TO BUY ANYTHING FOR MAYBE 30 MINUTES OF THE MAX TIME THEY WOULD LAST AT A FORMAL EVENT!!!

Now I have thought about telling DH 1. She said kids aren't welcome. Because I just don't have the f'n energy to have the "your kids are hell raising rude ass little brat turd faced hide in the house kids, not take in public children" talk again. It hurts me, it does. I love them. But I'm exhausted. The problem with that is, if we get a sitter for the kids, we go & there's kids there. And also I really don't like lying to my DH. I just don't want to have the tension of the conversation.

Side note rant: I've just come to accept that regardless of all these damn articles I read, these workbooks, these internet sites, I AM JUST THE STEP MOM. they have suffered a harsh reality. Their mom is a whore & a nasty vile human who has abused them by alienating their father & his entire family from them & 2 evaluators & 2 counselors have barely been able to help-- why in god's name do I think I can change their truth?! I do good, I love them, I'm consistent. Their mom is shit. STILL they lie about me. Still. Because they are victims of this nasty game their mother created. They have to play or they don't get loved. I feel for them. I do. But I feel for me too & right now I'm sick & tired of it & I just want to push them away--- go to your dad.. I'm doing my thing. I know they love me. But until they stop the shit game, if they ever do my investment is minimal. It's driving me crazy. & I have to be healthy for MY KIDS!!! The STEP KIDS can't take ALL my sanity. Right?! Haha

2. We buy clothes, tell the kids for the zillionth time how they are to behave & see how the cards fall. They are almost 13 & 9. The 9 year old is more mature than the 12 year old. History is against us here.

3. I tell my DH I would like to attend alone. I am creating a history of attending things that we should do together alone. This is not a good pattern. I recognize this. I don't like it.

4. We get a sitter in the town the reception is in (we have family there, this is an option) & I just explain to my husband that we do not have the money to be putting out for formal wear for the children, which is true & they won't enjoy the event, which is true & would much rather see these family who have these kids, which is true. AND endure the 4 hour trip with Valium.

If it were my son & daughter we would have a double date. We would use it as a teaching moment to show the children how you are to behave during a date. It would be a blast! I know bc we have done it before. I would love to have this experience with the stepkids. But ...but we have gone to just a movie before & had it be such a horrible experience that I wanted to throw a brick through a window when it was over. I know I can't always hold grudges, but I also have to take past experiences into consideration.

Suggestions????